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OK, here's the deal. Both my MIL and Mother wish to care for my daughter during the work week, they practically fight over her, which I suppose is a "good" issue to have rather than no family particiaption. My MIL (mother in law) is offering to do it for free, however we will be paying her $10 a day to defray gas etc. My Mom wants upwards of $50 a DAY. Basically after making out the child care calendar, my Mother In Law is slated for about 80% of the days, because lets face it, I can't afford my own mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now my Mother is upset the days are not split "equally". I have flat out told her that if she continues to demand $50 a day, then I'm going to have to go with the cheaper offer! ARRRGGGGGGG.
Also irritating me is that my Mom considers ANY time spent with her grandchild as time she needs to be paid for, even if I'm present! For example, I asked my Mom if she wanted to go to the mall with myself and the baby, and the first thing she wanted to know was what her payment would be, saying she'd probably have to "watch" the baby from time to time in the mall if I wanted to "Go to the bathroom".
WHAT?????!!!!!!!!!! So I didn't go to the mall with my mom, and now I'm depressed thinking I'll apparently never be able to hang out with my mom again unless I pay her. I wonder how much she'll charge to come over for Christmas.
Is it ok to be "UNFAIR" and have my Mother In Law watch the baby more than my Mom? My Mom is accusing me of trying to "blackmail her rate down".
A Grandma wants $50 a day for daycare? Buzz. No way. I can see paying for gas, or other tokens. Just flat out tell her you have made other arrangements. You don't need to tell her anything else.
No doubt. She wants $50 a day because the going rate around here at a facility is $250 a week. I just feel like it takes all the joy out of maintaining the relationship with my Mom. Every conversation is about money, fairness, payments of money, when she will get money, etc.
The fact that she is pretty much refusing to spend time with her grandchild without being paid is making me feel like they are not bonding well.
This is why I don't hire friends or relatives who are "handymen" to do work around my house. Too much emotion and drama.
You need to just pay a professional sitter and avoid the grief. Kill this problem at the source.
Tell them you can't handle the drama and don't want the negative feelings to affect your relationship, so you are going to hire a sitter to watch your child at home.
She wants you to pay her when you are there? Like at Thanksgiving? I would not be seeing much of Mom! Pay her to go to the mall? Um. No. Is she wants to see her grandbaby, she will understand this kind of limit setting. Or she won't get to see her grandbaby.
It's very weird, especially that wanting to be paid when the mom is still around thing. She acts so suspicious around me as if I'm trying to "dump" my baby off on her, and she's not going to let me get "one by her."
Just a very strange tone, don't know where it's coming from but it's alienating me.
I would go with childcare with the mother in law 100% of the time. Let mom now that you will make the baby available for her at her convenience to spend time with her, but not for childcare reasons, as you have that taken care of.
There is something very wrong when a grandmother needs compensation to watch their grandbaby while stheir own daughter goes to the bathroom. I would do that for a perfect stranger for free (not that I would be asked, but I certainly wouldn't expect compensation).
It's very weird, especially that wanting to be paid when the mom is still around thing. She acts so suspicious around me as if I'm trying to "dump" my baby off on her, and she's not going to let me get "one by her."
Just a very strange tone, don't know where it's coming from but it's alienating me.
This involves much more than the childcare issue, as I'm sure you know.
Whatever childcare resolution you choose should not involve either grandmother, since it will only make your relationships with MIL and mom worse, and it will eventually strain your marriage as people (inevitably) take sides.
This involves much more than the childcare issue, as I'm sure you know.
Whatever childcare resolution you choose should not involve either grandmother, since it will only make your relationships with MIL and mom worse, and it will eventually strain your marriage as people (inevitably) take sides.
This is not universally true At All. It depends on your relationship(s). We have no problem with the in-laws.
Is this strange behavior for your mom or just par for the course with her? How old is she? Is she having money problems? Acting weird in other ways?
The whole mall thing seems extremely bizarre to me and I'm wondering if your mom is suffering from some mental health issues that could be age or stress related. I'm not trying to be snarky here, completely serious, this paranoia about no one getting one over on her and not wanting the baby "dumped" on her but then fighting over who gets to watch her just seems like a medical evaluation might be in order.
I'd say stick with having your mother in law watch the baby and for now just try to make occasional plans for your mom to bond with the baby during family time. For example invite her for dinner when your husband is there too so he can "watch the baby" if you need to pee or get something for the kitchen. But honestly please have your mom evaluated this could be the warning signs of much deeper issues.
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