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I am so glad I will be! With time comes experience. With experience, judgment.
I will be in my 50's with teens, and in a 20+ year marriage. Who knew that getting knocked-up by a low-life at 19 was preferrable?
It doesn't matter how many times the OP posts about her situation, and how many great responses she gets from people with life experience, she will continue making bad choices and lashing out at us.
I will be in my 50's with teens, and in a 20+ year marriage. Who knew that getting knocked-up by a low-life at 19 was preferrable?
It doesn't matter how many times the OP posts about her situation, and how many great responses she gets from people with life experience, she will continue making bad choices and lashing out at us.
As a 50-year-old with a 14-year-old I couldn't agree more.
OP, I don't mean to bash you at all. I know you love your daughter and applaud you for going to college. But please, listen to the people on here who are old enough to be your mother or grandmother. We've seen young women in your exact circumstances and know that unless you open your eyes and make some hard choices, you're going to make things more difficult for both of you than they need to be. Stop babying this man who fathered your child. He's an adult--treat him like one. Don't just say you're putting your daughter first, think about the consequences for her with every choice you make.
I will be in my 50's with teens, and in a 20+ year marriage. Who knew that getting knocked-up by a low-life at 19 was preferrable?
It doesn't matter how many times the OP posts about her situation, and how many great responses she gets from people with life experience, she will continue making bad choices and lashing out at us.
Yah but
Not me
Can't
It is not just her. The internet is packed with people who cannot hear for the baggage that they have stuck in her head.
OP, you've gotten lots of good advice here. I particularly like AnnaNomus and Marlow's recent posts. Your ex is a loser, he's never going to be the kind of Dad that you wish he would be for your daughter. How can I say this with such confidence? because I'm old and I've seen this scenario play out plenty of times before and nine and a half times out of ten, it plays out the exact same way and it's not a happy end for anyone involved.
You still haven't answered the question, "What do you think you should do?"
With time comes experience. With experience, judgment.
i know what you meant by your statement however check out badbreeders.net and see how these older folks abuse their children like nobodies business. Age/time may give you experience but if that experience is slingin crack and partying ergo nothing to do with raising kids then it doesn't matter at 19 or 39 if you suck at parenting then you suck at parenting, period.
I was agreeing with some of the posts until people started the older moms against younger moms thing. I had my son in my mid twenties and I'm glad I did. And for the record an older parent does not always mean a better parent. Experience does dictate better judgement and decision making for SOME people, but there are others that never learn and even if they had children at an older age these people would still be horrible parents. That being said I think we all are in the agreement that the OP needs to get this man to pay child support, and that until he gets himself together she should no longer make the effort to "make" him a dad to her daughter. Obviously there are some of you who have had conversations with the OP before(it seems like) and I'm assuming that is why there is this underlining message within this thread that the OP doesn't have her "sh*t together" and that she makes bad decision in men? I'm going to let it go because I obviously don't know what is going on...
I was agreeing with some of the posts until people started the older moms against younger moms thing.
I originated that vein. I was merely making a light hearted counter point to the OP's not being 40s with a teenager. You are, of course, right that young moms can be fantastic and older moms can be completely awful. And everything in between. This particular OP is going to be good mom when she grows up just a bit and starts to think with her head rather that just her heart.
Now I'm SMH. This is possibly the best advice you've gotten and you respond by calling the poster a racist and dragging politics into it?
There's no way to make the child's father act like a dad. Your first priority is the safety and security of your daughter. You need to proceed to have your babydaddy declared the father of your daughter and then have orders for child support and visitation set out. Stop acting like a child and start acting like a mother.
Everything that poster said was correct, however in terms of the paternity test--why did that poster suggest that someone else might be the father? I could see why the OP would be upset--if she is saying that this man is the father and he is listed on the birth certificate(according to the OP) then she should be able to proceed with the rest of the steps: filing for child support, setting up visitation, etc without having to pay for this man to take a DNA test(because I can guarantee that she would be the one having to pay it based on the way she has described this man). Obviously this man(and she) both believe that this is his daughter, so yes it was rude IMO for that poster to imply that she does not know who the father is or that there is a chance he isn't really her daughters father. Again maybe this goes back to the OP's posting history(to which I admit I haven't really researched) but when I read some of the posts in this thread to the OP there seems to be a lot of people "looking down" on her.
Everything that poster said was correct, however in terms of the paternity test--why did that poster suggest that someone else might be the father? I could see why the OP would be upset--if she is saying that this man is the father and he is listed on the birth certificate(according to the OP) then she should be able to proceed with the rest of the steps: filing for child support, setting up visitation, etc without having to pay for this man to take a DNA test(because I can guarantee that she would be the one having to pay it based on the way she has described this man). Obviously this man(and she) both believe that this is his daughter, so yes it was rude IMO for that poster to imply that she does not know who the father is or that there is a chance he isn't really her daughters father. Again maybe this goes back to the OP's posting history(to which I admit I haven't really researched) but when I read some of the posts in this thread to the OP there seems to be a lot of people "looking down" on her.
I'm not sure why the poster said that, but it may be because such a test is mandatory when seeking child support from a man who was not married to the mother at the time of birth. In any case, this is an online forum and the poster obviously doesn't know the OP and may have just been advising her to gather all necessary information before moving forward. I really don't know.
I don't think that anyone is really looking down on the OP, but she is very young and asking for advice. Then she tends to discount the advice she gets. From her posts, she's still living in a young woman's fantasy world where her daughter's father is going to turn into some sort of wholesome, responsible father who is going to take care of his little girl like a dad in an old Kodak commercial. Given his track record, that is simply not going to happen and there's no need for anyone on here to sugarcoat their predictions for the future. The fact that she doesn't want to file for child support because he might go to jail also shows that despite her love for her daughter, she's still putting her ex's needs above her daughter's.
The OP also needs to be extremely careful with the men she invites into her life from here on out. So far she has a history of being attracted to violent drug abusers. She needs to step back and assess what's going on and how she can best prepare a good life for herself and her daughter. She says she's getting some counseling and that's an excellent step.
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and I've seen this scenario play out plenty of times before and nine and a half times out of ten, it plays out the exact same way and it's not a happy end for anyone involved.
