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Some kids are the type to have 6 close personal friends and some kids are friends with *everybody* - they can't narrow the list like that!
LOL! My kids were both - they had a short list of close personal friends, while being friends with just about everyone! They are the same even now as adults.
DH and I are the same way too!
I didn't read all the pages, but it appears that most people say 'pull rank and invite the girl'.
My thoughts on that are, how will that affect the daughter? If the girl is invited anyway, despite the daughter's protestations, I would think that may cause her to lose trust in her parents, making her wonder if maybe it would be best to NOT tell her parents anything, since her wishes are not being given any consideration.
I know I didn't say that very clearly, but one thing I do know; earning a child's trust is vital, especially as they mature. Just as children have to 'earn' the parents trust, the same is true for the parents; they must earn the child's trust.
I realize she's only six years old, and there may be other circumstances I'm not aware of (maybe the child is a spoiled brat, for instance..LOL), but on the face of it I would respect my child's feelings.
I think it's important for kids (and their parents) to not overthink these things. Inviting this kid to this type of party shouldn't be a big deal and it's probably best not to risk turning it into a BIG deal by not inviting this child. If it was a sleepover party with young kids I could see how it might be important to know the other parents well and make sure that all of the kids are compatible. If it's simply a matter of needing to limit the number of kids for logistical reasons (max number for venue or 1 more would mean additional $) then that's totally understandable (unless you're doing something like inviting the entire class except for one kid). Those are just some of the logistical reasons to limit a list. Just tell the birthday girl not to mention it to the neighbor girl and then go on with the party. If you are having the party at your house and you are only inviting friends from the soccer team for example - call it a "soccer team party". If you're excluding just to exclude, I might rethink that.
LOL! My kids were both - they had a short list of close personal friends, while being friends with just about everyone! They are the same even now as adults.
DH and I are the same way too!
They get new really good friends every year while keeping their same "old" friends. Sometimes I know the parents of the new friends, sometimes I don't. Some are silver and the others gold....
I'm in the camp of yes invite the girl, with the added explanation/discussion that it is very possible that her behavior in a group of girls could be completely different than when it is just the two of them and she deserves the benefit of the doubt. If she proves to be the disaster your daughter somehow expects then she has had her chance to prove herself and there will be no need in the future to include her.
To exclude just because she 'might' be something other than what the daughter wants is unfair. Who is to say that one of the other girls who is invited won't turn out to be a major problem at the party? You just can't predict exactly what will happen......
For instance, my son attended a girl's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese when they were in 1st grade. He was the only boy invited from school and her mom had indicated to me that if he didn't feel comfortable attending they'd understand. He didn't care about that as girls are good as friends to him just like boys are. lol Anyway, one of the little girl's best friends had a total and complete melt down and mom ended up leaving early with her. The birthday girl simply went about her business and didn't let it affect her in the least. She just had fun with the rest who wanted to have fun! So no guarantees.
When my son and family moved into a new neighborhood, they had a combination birthday party (2 girls) come see our new home party to which both paternal and maternal families were invited. A tent was rented, a bounce house for the kids, they have a pool.
On either side, there are neighbors with daughters. (My son's kids are girls, at the time 4 and 8y.o.) The children were not issued formal invitations because Son and Wife did not wish to embark on a gift-giving situation. But on the day of the party, the little girls were invited to come and play in the bounce house. When the parents of the children saw how many people were there, they immediately told their kids to "come home, they have company". Sometimes, you just can't win.
I say invite the child. Six is too young to begin to play the clique game.
I am reminded of this poem, although the author's name escapes me:
He drew a circle that shut us out. Heretic , rebel, a thing to flout. But Love and I had wit to win - we drew a circle that took him in!
Thanks all for your responses. It is a hard decision to make. Whenever we bring it up to our daughter that we are going to invite this neighbor girl, she burst into tears!!
The only reason she gave us is that this girl is going to act crazy. She still wants to play with this girl, just not invite her to the party.
I don't want to keep beating a dead horse and want to put the matter to rest. We have reasoned to her for so many days and the answer is always NO.
Does she burst into tears because she truly dislikes this girl? (In which case she should never, ever be wanting to play with her. And you said they play together occasionally.)
Or does she burst into tears because she wants to get her way?
It sounds like your daughter is using this girl as a friend when it's convenient to her. Good enough when there's no one else around. But not good enough to come to her party. That's not a very nice way to treat the neighbor girl. I'd sit daughter down and explain that to her. Maybe this is a good time for her to learn how other people like to be treated. Ask her if she thinks the neighbor girls likes being used as a friend conditionally.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 10-22-2012 at 11:03 AM..
I think this is a good time to teach your child about compassion and social acceptance. She cannot have her cake and eat it too. if she doesn't like the girl then don't invite her to the party but then don't turn around and say you want to play with her alone.
Ask your daughter to consider the feelings of this girl and how she would feel if she was excluded from a party.
Who is in charge in your home/ you or the 6 year old? Tell her you will not exclude this child based on fear of what she MIGHT do and tell her to suck it up. You are giving a 6 year old way too much power in this situation.
Maybe she could do two parties. The one already planned and then have a second, one on one party with the neighbor girl. Just the two of them. Just a thought.
Does she burst into tears because she truly dislikes this girl? (In which case she should never, ever be wanting to play with her. And you said they play together occasionally.)
Or does she burst into tears because she wants to get her way?
It sounds like your daughter is using this girl as a friend when it's convenient to her. Good enough when there's no one else around. But not good enough to come to her party. That's not a very nice way to treat the neighbor girl. I'd sit daughter down and explain that to her. Maybe this is a good time for her to learn how other people like to be treated. Ask her if she thinks the neighbor girls likes being used as a friend conditionally.
Yes, I would agree with this. I would really sit down with her and ask her why neighbor is good enough to come to play but not to invite to the party? I think this sort of question may give you some insight into the kind of feelings your daughter has and yes, a life lesson. At 6, you are the voice of reason to your daughter, not the other way around. Plus, I don't know that others have mentioned this but if you want to be friends with the neighbors you should invite the girl and for all you know they may have plans already.
At first, I thought how lucky you are to have neighbors with a daughter the same age as your girl; I would love that. BUT, would I? I don't have this type of problem so maybe I am the lucky one, IRONIC, huh??
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