What to do with people who beat/slap/hit/spank their children in public?

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

I was spanked, my brother was spanked, my husband was spanked and my friends were spanked. It seems the people who were spanked tend to congregate together because they share values like not lying, not cheating, etc. Not one has been in trouble with the law.

I wasn't spanked as a child and I never had the urge to steal. Both my brother and I were quite empathetic as children. If a child has a personality that goes the other way perhaps spanking would work as a deterrent, although I wouldn't label that as a value system.

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by Braunwyn

I wasn't spanked as a child and I never had the urge to steal. Both my brother and I were quite empathetic as children. If a child has a personality that goes the other way perhaps spanking would work as a deterrent, although I wouldn't label that as a value system.

It does not have anything to do with personality! There is no personality that wants or needs to steal. There is ineffective limit setting as well as failure to model, teach and expect compassion, empathy and character.

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by somebodynew

It does not have anything to do with personality! There is no personality that wants or needs to steal. There is ineffective limit setting as well as failure to model, teach and expect compassion, empathy and character.

Actually, genetics come into play here so personality does have something to do with it.

Strangers Spot People With Compassionate Genes in Seconds | Genetic Mutation, Oxytocin Receptor & Empathy | LiveScience

[Vic 2.0]

I don't believe spanking is necessary to keep any child from stealing or to make them start caring more for others, etc. I haven't seen anything to lend credence to the idea in either studies or in personal experience. Now, different sorts of personality may call for discipline/punishment to be more or less frequent and may even call for different methods of non-physical discipline/punishment. But I don't think a single child needs to be hit in any way.

But I can see why some parents are convinced otherwise. It's possible to train a child to no longer respond to certain forms of discipline or stimulus in general that they simply get too much of. For example, if you yell at your kids a lot, let your home become dysfunctional or disorganized in other ways, or simply get onto them too harshly/too often, it should come as no surprise when the only thing they'll pay attention to as a result, is a strike of one kind or another. I was raised in a quiet environment with absolutely no yelling or chaos of any kind. All my mom had to do was raise her voice and add a tone to get my attention. And she wasn't overbearing or unnecessarily strict, either. In spite of being diagnosed with ADD as a kid and having a predisposition to anger (one which I'll freely admit is a challenge for me even today), my mom didn't have the allegedly "typical adolescent rebellion" to deal with. I've never been in trouble with the law apart from getting a few traffic tickets, never tried any illegal drugs, etc. Meanwhile, my cousins all have been in trouble with the law or on drugs (worse than marijuana, I mean) and spanking was the primary form of "discipline" they received. Genetics influence what sort of non-physical discipline is necessary; it does not make physical "discipline" necessary in any case. Only a parent can make spanking "necessary", IMO.

All that being said, I'm not interested in making it illegal, nor reporting instances of spanking that are fairly mild. But I would warn parents who spank, don't let it go further than that as it can quite easily. Don't handle resentment from your adolescent with a slap to the face, for example, just a graceful admission that you as a spanking parent were warned of its side effects and need a new approach.

[AnywhereElse]

I came across this a state-by-state pertaining to spanking: State by State Spanking Laws - Kidjacked I get the idea that everyone thinks calling the authorities will be a slam dunk to the parents who spank. My younger son with Down syndrome was in a day workshop for awhile. I learned about ANE: abuse, neglect and exploitation. I learned how hard it is to prove and that it had to be "severe" and with neglect, which I was pursuing, it had to be "severe" as in deadly or nearly so in order to rate an investigation. I got stats on the number of reports on the ANE across the state in regard to services for people with developmental disabilities and I know that less than 10% were considered "substantiated" - meaning worth a darn and written off. Both CPS and APS operate pretty much the same way. I was actually in a town where they used to call CPS on one another for revenge over some nonsense or another. I read an article about a woman in TX who was charged and she had spanked a two-year old and left marks at a minimum. When my son with DS was in school, they wished I would use another form of discipline because they could not spank and they got no where with him. They put him in time-out and he came out of the time-out room with his two front teeth missing (we think trying to climb the walls from what we heard) and although baby teeth, these teeth were not loose. Of course, this was a better choice than a swat on the butt. Which would you choose? He was in diapers through age 6 so his swat was more a wake-up call than anything else and as I stated before, he isn't on all of the drugs to calm him down, control his behavior, sleep at night, stone him into oblivion. I weigh my options. Really, I rarely had to spank them but I am surely not sorry I did.