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There comes a time when you have to accept what happened in the past and move on. The wife may be whining about how tough she had it way back when, but that's typical of what her personality seems to be. They were 18 when they had their child for heavens sakes. It's not unheard of. Many girls find themselves pregnant much younger, without the benefit of the babys father in the picture and still manage to make gains in their lives. IMO she's had it pretty good. If she's unhappy with her life, she has no one to blame but herself since it sounds as though OP would support her in anything she chose to do. This whole "poor me" stuff would have gotten old 17 years ago, and I don't think Op should encourage it.
Yes, I got home, started watching TV and 20 min. later she arrived
Okay, thanks. You said the counseling session went well. What did you talk about? What does the therapist say about your wife choosing not to come with you?
I asked her why she would bring up such sad memories so spontaneously. She said she looks at my son and his GF and she sees us from 1994 and thinking about that made her think about prom. As she starting speaking I could here her voice cracking and then tears. I had a thought " either she's messing with me or she's really torn up". I thought " Maybe she went through some sad stuff during that time that I didn't see" I compared her fake cry to this cry. Her fake one is very dramatic and this one wasn't. I didn't offer dinner or gifts. I just sat there, put my arms around her and tried to get her to stop crying. I didn't want to upset her the topic of " I think we could work on this in therapy".
I asked her why she would bring up such sad memories so spontaneously. She said she looks at my son and his GF and she sees us from 1994 and thinking about that made her think about prom. As she starting speaking I could here her voice cracking and then tears. I had a thought " either she's messing with me or she's really torn up". I thought " Maybe she went through some sadstuff during that time that I didn't see" I compared her fake cry to this cry. Her fake one is very dramatic and this one wasn't. I didn't offer dinner or gifts. I just sat there, put my arms around her andtried to get her to stop crying. I didn't want to upset her the topic of " I think we could work on this in therapy".
I agree, that was the right thing to do at that time.
I asked her why she would bring up such sad memories so spontaneously. She said she looks at my son and his GF and she sees us from 1994 and thinking about that made her think about prom. As she starting speaking I could here her voice cracking and then tears. I had a thought " either she's messing with me or she's really torn up". I thought " Maybe she went through some sad stuff during that time that I didn't see" I compared her fake cry to this cry. Her fake one is very dramatic and this one wasn't. I didn't offer dinner or gifts. I just sat there, put my arms around her and tried to get her to stop crying. I didn't want to upset her the topic of " I think we could work on this in therapy".
You did the right thing. You do not have to mention therapy each time you talk. People don't always want to be lectured. Sometimes they just need to be understood.
She actually is doing the right thing too, being aware of these feelings and making you aware of them as well.
You goal should not be to "make her stop crying." Just let her cry. She will decide when she's done.
Of course she went through some things you did not. While you were a teen dad, there were times when you could walk around and NO ONE who passed by you would know that you were a teen dad. But for about 5 months of her pregnancy, there was NEVER a moment when she could just walk around and be a normal teen. Anyone who looked at her KNEW she was a pregnant teen, and I'm sure she was judged for it.
EVen today, 20 years later, there is enough of a stigma that they still make TV shows about teen pregnancy.
It does sound like she is able to look back now at her life in comparison to her son and analyze it and deal with feelings she has buried over the years in order to survive that time. That is a very normal thing for her to do. and you should listen to her if she does it.
You goal should not be to "make her stop crying." Just let her cry. She will decide when she's done.
I what I meant to say was that I told her " You're so sweet and loving" "I love you"
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