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That was the first thing that crossed my mind.
The second thing was that they probably go out for fast food whenever DD#1's gas tank is on empty and they stop by the gas station on the way for DH to fill up the gas tank.
What a sweet daughter.
Yeah … she needs to understand that her parents need all their money for DD2's legal bills.
Peers are a very strong influence. One many parents underestimate. A really good book on this topic is "The Nuture Assumption".
You've been lecturing people on peers having more influence than parents for as long as I've been on this forum. Post after post after post telling us all that we don't understand but you do: kids pay more attention to their friends than their parents. You've read a book which you think is "really good".
And yet you STILL allowed your daughter with the drinking problem to go to this party.
Peer pressure is irrelevant because the ultimate responsibility rests with the person who caves to peer pressure.
Yes but she chose to hang out with drinkers. Monkey see, monkey do. If Ivory hadn't allowed her to hang with the "cool" crowd than this whole shtick wouldn't have happened. Yes it is her fault for drinking, assaulting a police officer, and the various other crimes she committed, but that isn't the whole picture. The picture is "how did we arrive at this party", "Why is my daughter associating with drinkers" and most of all "Why did she start drinking in the first place"? Throughout high school, I didn't drink a single drop of alcohol (going to upload my diploma and DMV it to all the doubters).. Even at Embry-Riddle only the fratties drink because of the strict FAA 8 hours from bottle to throttle regulation.The fact is that she is responsible for drinking and attacking someone, but that is just one part of this equation. Ivory needs to look at this from the big picture perspective rather than focusing on concise events.
I call bull on that. Parents who blame friends and peers are the parents who don't make their children take responsibility for their actions.
It is easy to make children take responsibility when they are already mature, accountable and trustworthy. Unfortunately, despite out best intentions as parents, children don't always turn out the way we intended. There are too many variables, and friends can play a significant role in how our children develop into adults.
I've seen too many examples of parents doing all the right things and children turning out poorly, and also the reverse is true, where children succeed in spite of their parents.
One example that comes to mind was my brother's best friend. He and his wife had twin boys. They won go a college scholarship and became and engineer; they other ended up in prison.
It is easy to make children take responsibility when they are already mature, accountable and trustworthy.
It is quite an interesting circle, isn't it. Where did that "already mature, accountable and trustworthy" come from, eh? Some folks have been doing this since the kids are using sippy cups. Some wait until their kids are 15 and getting hammered and shoving around cops. If the parent doesn't do it eventually, life will.
Yes but she chose to hang out with drinkers. Monkey see, monkey do. If Ivory hadn't allowed her to hang with the "cool" crowd than this whole shtick wouldn't have happened. Yes it is her fault for drinking, assaulting a police officer, and the various other crimes she committed, but that isn't the whole picture. The picture is "how did we arrive at this party", "Why is my daughter associating with drinkers" and most of all "Why did she start drinking in the first place"? Throughout high school, I didn't drink a single drop of alcohol (going to upload my diploma and DMV it to all the doubters).. Even at Embry-Riddle only the fratties drink because of the strict FAA 8 hours from bottle to throttle regulation.The fact is that she is responsible for drinking and attacking someone, but that is just one part of this equation. Ivory needs to look at this from the big picture perspective rather than focusing on concise events.
Seriously, do you think it's possible to pick your kid's friends by age 15? If the DD hadn't been hanging out with these kids, she'd've hung out with others, and possibly gotten into some other kind of trouble (or the same kind, since this is the type of trouble HS girls frequently get into). Calling someone's child a monkey is pretty offensive, too, IMO.
I doubt anyone is particularly interested in your DMV record.
I believe the girl has been charged with MIP, not assualt.
Last edited by Katarina Witt; 11-13-2013 at 07:27 PM..
Seriously, do you think it's possible to pick your kid's friends by age 15? If the DD hadn't been hanging out with these kids, she'd've hung out with others, and possibly gotten into some other kind of trouble (or the same kind, since this is the type of trouble HS girls frequently get into).
I doubt anyone is particularly interested in your DMV record.
I believe the girl has been charged with MIP, not assualt.
No. I was saying that was impossible to pick her friends, but it is possible to prevent her from going to a drinking party. And I meant DM (direct message), not DMV but my phone has autocorrect and I don't remember the DMV giving out any sort of diplomas where I live. Dang, a lot of information is really misconstrued here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by villageidiot1
It is easy to make children take responsibility when they are already mature, accountable and trustworthy. Unfortunately, despite out best intentions as parents, children don't always turn out the way we intended. There are too many variables, and friends can play a significant role in how our children develop into adults.
This is what I was getting at earlier. It is not the parent's fault for the way their kids turn out, after all, kids are people too and have free will, so once they are past 18 you can't really change their beliefs (I don't think you can force anyone to think anything at any age except for when they are extremely young). After a certain point, most of a child's morals and beliefs are set in stone and there is a certain point that you really have to hope that your parenting sunk in. Even I, a 20-year-old college student, can decipher that consists of a solid logic because it makes sense.
If your kids don't turn out the way you planned, don't beat yourself up over it. Realize that their choices are their responsibilities as adults and they will either reap the benefits or suffer the consequences from them. Ivory, don't spend endless hours doubting yourself over either of your daughters. Sans drinking, assaulting, and taking the family car without permission, they seem to be just fine at 18 and 15. DD#1 will likely get a job and marry a good man after graduating, DD#2 will graduate and follow her career path. Look on the positive side and you will be a happier person.
(Que the "You're a childless 20 year old in *college/high school/whatever you think I am* with no kids. My opinion is invalidated immediately).
No. I was saying that was impossible to pick her friends, but it is possible to prevent her from going to a drinking party. And I meant DM (direct message), not DMV but my phone has autocorrect and I don't remember the DMV giving out any sort of diplomas where I live. Dang, a lot of information is really misconstrued here.
This is what I was getting at earlier. It is not the parent's fault for the way their kids turn out, after all, kids are people too and have free will. After a certain point, most of a child's morals and beliefs are set in stone and there is a certain point that you really have to hope that your parenting sunk in. Even I, a 20-year-old college student, can decipher that consists of a solid logic because it makes sense.
If your kids don't turn out the way you planned, don't beat yourself up over it. Realize that their choices are their responsibilities as adults and they will either reap the benefits or suffer the consequences from them. Ivory, don't spend endless hours doubting yourself over either of your daughters. Sans drinking, assaulting, and taking the family car without permission, they seem to be just fine at 18 and 15. DD#1 will likely get a job and marry a good man after graduating, DD#2 will graduate and follow her career path. Look on the positive side and you will be a happier person.
(Que the "You're a childless 20 year old in *college/high school/whatever you think I am* with no kids. My opinion is invalidated immediately).
I thought you meant you'd post your driving record. I, for one, really don't care about it. Your sarcasm is not helpful, either. It's as bad if not worse than calling someone's kid a monkey.
I thought you meant you'd post your driving record. I, for one, really don't care about it. Your sarcasm is not helpful, either. It's as bad if not worse than calling someone's kid a monkey.
I'm not sure if you've never heard of the proverb "Monkey see, Monkey Do" that originated here in America in the 1920's or if you are pretending that I called Ivory's daughter a monkey.
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