Is my Income enough to raise a child? (babysitter, pregnant, parents)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Income really isn't the issue as much as trying to do it alone for me. You can always get by somehow. Live in a crappy neighborhood to afford the baby years, but the exhaustion and time needed is a lot for one person. Sure it can be done, but IMO I would avoid it. That and clearly the OP was worried about the money aspect of the situation or she wouldn't have asked.
No because there will be a divorce to handle that. I've had friends who have struggled when good relationships between them and the baby's father sour. With no legal documents they are left fighting for everything.
No legal documents?
Which part of the "go to court and file and order of support" didn't you understand? Family court does not tell unmarried mothers to go kick rocks. If a father does not pay his support, the court intervenes regardless of marital status. And signing a divorce decree does not suddenly mean the money magically appears in the moms bank account. You are misrepresenting the protections afforded via marriage with regards to child support.
Reality is, life is unpredictable, and all mothers need to look out for the finances regardless of their marital status, and haranguing an adult woman with a stable job, a viable income and a willing and committed partner in parenthood just because she is not married is mean spirited at best.
However, part of being a good parent is selflessness and thinking of what would be best for your child before what would be best for yourself. Having two committed parents who are able to provide for and be there for the child provides an extra level of security beyond just one. Waiting until you've established a career or have money saved up provides an extra level of security. Certainly, one does not have to have all these things, but it is in the best interests of the child to get as many of the odds stacked in their favor before starting out. The OP is in a situation where she does not have a committed partner with whom to raise a child. She has barely started her career and does not make enough to raise a child comfortably. I will echo the question others have asked, which is, "If this man really is committed enough to raise this child for 20 years with her, why would they not marry?"
But here is the thing; the OP is NOT some young, uneducated 18 year old barely out of high school working a minimum wage job; she is 25 years old, has a college degree and a career that could support herself and another child. I know plenty of single mothers (and couples!) with less education and income who do fine on their own without government assistance. On that income with minimal debt, she can raise the child comfortably. No, the baby will not be decked out in Gucci or Armani, but he/she will have decent clothes, a roof over his/her head, and food in the stomach and loving parent who actually wanted a child. That is more than what millions of kids out there can say.
And with the divorce rates so high, why this constant pressure to be married? My parents were together (MARRIED) for almost thirty years and it STILL ended in divorce with my mother doing it all as usual, and she actually wishes she had done it all her own much sooner. I don't blame her.
Marriage does not guarantee stability nor a happy, healthy, productive child. Quit acting like it does.
Yes, having two parents is better than one, but I argue, it is better to have one strong and responsible parent than two, crappy, ill-prepared ones who argue all the time and stay married "for the kids." And yes, that happens quite frequently.
Quote:
At 25, the OP is not in an urgent situation with regards to fertility. She could easily conceive for another 5 years, and reasonably easily conceive probably for another 4-5 after that. If she was 35 and in the same boat, my answer would be different. But this young woman has barely gotten into the workforce, does not have a stable life partner and though she says she's mature, is making suggestions about future actions that do not imply such. So yes, this woman does have "the luxury to wait around" for a bit longer, and in fact, if she actually wants to do what would be best for a child rather than just herself, she will. She will save money, look for a real partner and if this man is it, talk about a real, stable home for the child. Steelstress said,"So, you intend to make this child live out of an overnight bag from the get-go. Nice," and while a little on the nose, she's absolutely correct in the point she's making. To set a child up for this scenario is thinking about the enjoyment of the adults first, and the child last.
Newsflash: Not everyone wants to wait until their thirties to start having kids, nor do some people want to have small kids in their diapers in their early forties. Not everyone wants to be married. I don't. But I sure as hell want to be a mother and I'll be damned if I'm going to let a close-minded conservative try to tell me or anyone in similar situations how to live our lives.
When a couple has an amicable divorce, the support they agree to does not suddenly become enforceable without a visit to court which can take months.
When a couple as an unamicable divorce, they are usually not living together for quite sometime before they get divorced and an order of support is ruled on by the court. This also takes months.
So really its is the exact same thing. If things go south whether married or not, the custodial parent potentially is looking at months before a support order in enacted. OK. EVERYONE regardless of marital status should be aware of that.
So once more, being married does not afford more protection with regard to child support.
Because when you're married you are living together and you know you have that support.
Why are you so against someone in her situation getting legal documents to protect themselves? She is not married, and news flash they could have a fight and things change. The laws for sperm donation are very funny. You have to protect yourself. Look at what happened to Jason Patric. It's best to protect yourself and the baby.
But here is the thing; the OP is NOT some young, uneducated 18 year old barely out of high school working a minimum wage job; she is 25 years old, has a college degree and a career that could support herself and another child.
Sure, doing this at 25 is better than at 18, just like doing this at 18 is better than at 14. It doesn't mean that it's necessarily a plan devised with the best interests of a child in mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime
Not everyone wants to wait until their thirties to start having kids, nor do some people want to have small kids in their diapers in their early forties.
That's true, and some people will always decide to put their own wants first, rather than thinking about what would be best for their child. The OP's plan to have a baby because she and this guy both "really want to" without thinking of whether it's actually a good situation for the child (split households right off the bat, etc) isn't exactly ringing with selflessness.
Because when you're married you are living together and you know you have that support.
Why are you so against someone in her situation getting legal documents to protect themselves? She is not married, and news flash they could have a fight and things change. The laws for sperm donation are very funny. You have to protect yourself. Look at what happened to Jason Patric. It's best to protect yourself and the baby.
First, it is foolish to use the court to make support arrangements when no problems currently exist.
You do realize married people are just as likely to get in a fight? And what are most of those fights over? Money. So maybe married people should draw up legal documents regarding child support before they have children as well. No wonder our court systems are so clogged up. Ugh.
Sperm donation? Where did she say he was a sperm donor? Your ever increasing disdain for unmarried parents is becoming ever more clear. Where did the OP say she was going to get a sperm donor? And the odds of them using IVF are extremely small, especially considering she never even mentioned it. As I have stated before, in the state the OP lives in, when a father signs the birth certificate he establishes paternity at the same time. There is no way to legally assign paternity and thus support to a child that isn't even born let alone conceived. So seriously, what "legal documents" could she possibly get? There is no child yet, any contract they drew up, would be null and void without a visit to family court to establish paternity if he decided not to sign the birth certificate.
This is not california btw, this couple is not doing IVF, and she never even mentioned how they would conceive. You are REALLY, REALLY reaching now.
Sure, doing this at 25 is better than at 18, just like doing this at 18 is better than at 14. It doesn't mean that it's necessarily a plan devised with the best interests of a child in mind.
That's true, and some people will always decide to put their own wants first, rather than thinking about what would be best for their child. The OP's plan to have a baby because she and this guy both "really want to" without thinking of whether it's actually a good situation for the child (split households right off the bat, etc) isn't exactly ringing with selflessness.
Ah, then by your reasoning more than a third parents in this country are not thinking of the best interests of their children. The majority of pregnancies in this country were unplanned. Nearly 37% of births in this country are unplanned. One in five births to married couples are unplanned. Are they not thinking of the bst interests of their children as well?
Oh and please spare us the myth of the "selflessness" of married households. Being married does not make one selfless. The biggest POTENTIAL advantage of being married is the attention of two parents, well her child will have the same likelihood of that. The next advantage is a child being raised on two incomes. Well, her child would potentially have that as well.
This thread has just become the chance to backhandedly bash single mothers. Ugh. As a woman married for over 20 years, I can tell you firsthand that marriage is not what makes good parents. We are good parents because we choose to be, not because we got married. I have married friends who are raising their children more alone than my single parent friends.
First, it is foolish to use the court to make support arrangements when no problems currently exist.
You do realize married people are just as likely to get in a fight? And what are most of those fights over? Money. So maybe married people should draw up legal documents regarding child support before they have children as well. No wonder our court systems are so clogged up. Ugh.
Sperm donation? Where did she say he was a sperm donor? Your ever increasing disdain for unmarried parents is becoming ever more clear. Where did the OP say she was going to get a sperm donor? And the odds of them using IVF are extremely small, especially considering she never even mentioned it. As I have stated before, in the state the OP lives in, when a father signs the birth certificate he establishes paternity at the same time. There is no way to legally assign paternity and thus support to a child that isn't even born let alone conceived. So seriously, what "legal documents" could she possibly get? There is no child yet, any contract they drew up, would be null and void without a visit to family court to establish paternity if he decided not to sign the birth certificate.
This is not california btw, this couple is not doing IVF, and she never even mentioned how they would conceive. You are REALLY, REALLY reaching now.
First I have no issue with single mothers if you read the thread you would see that. Second you get it to protect yourself. It's like insurance you have it just in case you need it. Also we have no idea how she is getting pregnant she said the father would be a close friend of hers. People don't typically have sex with their close friends, but I guess she could. Either way it's better to protect herself and the baby.
That's it for me I'm done trying to get through to you. If you see no reason for her to protect herself then fine that's your opinion, but mine is different.
First I have no issue with single mothers if you read the thread you would see that. Second you get it to protect yourself. It's like insurance you have it just in case you need it. Also we have no idea how she is getting pregnant she said the father would be a close friend of hers. People don't typically have sex with their close friends, but I guess she could. Either way it's better to protect herself and the baby.
That's it for me I'm done trying to get through to you. If you see no reason for her to protect herself then fine that's your opinion, but mine is different.
You ignored my question. Please explain this great legal document that can establish paternity and support for a child that does not exist, remembering that they cannot utilize family court until they actually have a child.
Ah, then by your reasoning more than a third parents in this country are not thinking of the best interests of their children. The majority of pregnancies in this country were unplanned. Nearly 37% of births in this country are unplanned. One in five births to married couples are unplanned. Are they not thinking of the bst interests of their children as well?
Not really, no, although if you take a moment to rethink your question you'll hopefully realize that if we're talking about the planning stages of setting things up in a child's best interests (which is what this thread was about, in case you got off course), an unplanned pregnancy isn't really something you can even compare.
That said, unplanned pregnancies happen and many people do the best they can to make it a good situation for the child anyway, often with things turning out fine. But again, your point is really moot because that's not what's being debated here, but rather the conscious decision to bring a child into the world in a less than ideal situation because you aren't willing to wait and set the situation up to be better for the child first.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714
This thread has just become the chance to backhandedly bash single mothers.
No, but that certainly seems to be what you're reading into it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spazkat9696
That's it for me I'm done trying to get through to you. If you see no reason for her to protect herself then fine that's your opinion, but mine is different.
Ditto.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
