16 year-old daughter now wants to homeschool (wakes up, activity, classes, natural)
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Thank you for responding so thoughtfully and thoroughly. I really appreciate it. To answer your questions:
1) She does not have a part-time job right now, which I'm happy about.
2) She sometimes does stay up too late texting (she's not a gamer or web surfer), but, overall, I'd say that she's conscious about turning out the light and turning off her phone at a decent hour. I think, though, that worries about school and social issues keep her awake. I've been working with her on trying to combat the anxiety she feels.
3) She's usually pretty good about getting her homework done by 8 or 9:00.
4) No, I don't serve my family dinner at 9pm (LOL. Are you kidding me? ) We usually eat dinner by 6 or 6:30 pm.
5) We don't allow her to stay out past 10:30 pm on weekends, and she readily complies with this. Though my daughter loves to socialize, she's a homebody at heart, I think.
6) She's only in a couple of clubs at school which meet infrequently, so extra-curriculars aren't an issue.
7) As I told kitkatbar, she drives to school, but she's got to be out of the house by 7am at the absolute latest. She's getting up by 6:00 am at the latest.
Her school begins the day at 7:25, which I think is ridiculously early. I don't believe in babying teenagers, but it's a biological fact that teens need a lot of sleep. Coupled with the fact that their sleep/wake cycles change drastically during puberty (their bodies seem to naturally prefer a later go to sleep time/later wake time) and this means that these early starts produce many chronically sleep deprived teens.
I know that some school districts across the country have recognized this fact, and have changed the school start times accordingly with good results, apparently. I really think that if schools changed their start times, we would have teens with far fewer emotional problems (less anxiety and depression), increased attentiveness in school, and better academic outcomes. I grew up in another country with later school start times, and my family cannot believe how early my kids start their school days.
It seems unlikely that your teen should be "chronically sleep-deprived" unless she needs a lot more sleep than most people.
All the high schools in my area started between 7:05 and 7:15 up until this school year. After over 10 years of parent groups trying to get it changed, one school now starts at 7:20 (was 7:05) and another starts at 7:45 (was 7:15). All the rest of the HSs still start about 7:15. The MSs start between 7:15 to 7:30.
Yes, it's possible to homeschool if both parents are working. You just need to set clear rules and consequences. If the work isn't done, she doesn't get to see her friends that day or whatever makes sense to motivate your child. Anticipate a minimum of a half hour per day of your time to check to make sure she's doing her work. You don't want to be surprised if she slacks off when she's so close to graduating.
My child started homeschooling for medical reasons at the start of 9th grade. The social aspect wasn't a problem at the time. Very popular, there were many friends and those friendships continued throughout the years. The same friends remain today, but an comfortableness developed in unfamiliar social situations and establishing new relationships. This didn't become evident until a few years later when it presented as full-fledged social anxiety disorder.
The most important thing is to realize what she's going through right now is very common for that age. It happens again when friends' lives head down different paths after graduation. It's important to learn how to overcome these obstacles because her current friends will be gone in a few years. They will go off to college and such.
Remember, my child didn't start homeschooling for social reasons, but the lack of access to normal day to day teenage social interactions did create a problem. It's doesn't matter if the child has friends. Mine has many friends. It's important to have daily experience interacting with strangers, acquaintances and even enemies.
You say you're happy she doesn't have a part-time job. I highly recommend she start working if she is homeschooled because working provides important access to continual forced social interaction. Make sure it's a teenager type job. The type of job she will be working with many of her peers. Don't allow her to work during the school day because she'll miss out on seeing people her age. Have her work in the evenings and weekends instead.
I don't think the school day starts too early. Children all over America are going to school that early. My children's busses came at 6:30. One of the biggest struggles you with have with homeschooling is keeping your daughter on a daytime schedule. It's super easy for them to get their days and nights mixed up, especially if both parents work. I strongly recommend you make sure she's not only awake, but out of bed long before you leave for work in the morning. And pray she stays awake.
I'm just warning you of the pitfalls, but being forewarned will allow you to approach this reasonably prepared for ensuring she stays on a healthy sleeping schedule, has employment during hours her peers will be working, and ensuring that she gets her school work every day on time. I never had a problem with the getting the assignments done on time because I supervised that heavily from the start. The sleep schedule was a serious issue that I never could seem to get under control.
But my only regret pertains to not having access to appropriate uncomfortable social experiences. It's not good enough to ensure your child has friends. It's important your child continue to have interactions with people who aren't friends.
It seemed to be the perfect situation while we were doing it. Everything went very well in so many ways. In hindsight, I wish I had known to consider all other options. I didn't have a choice when we started homeschooling for medical reasons, but I wish we had returned our child back to school after it was no longer necessary to continue homeschooling.
Just one more thing. My cousin who lives in another state has older children. One of them was homeschooled in her teen years. I remember asking her how it worked out. She said her daughter was socially delayed as a result in adulthood. (This wasn't her only child but she was the only one who was homeschooled.) I somehow thought it would be different for my child. I was wrong. Just keep that in mind if you're thinking it will be different for yours.
All four of our children home schooled at some point in their education...2 were home for the periods of grades 3-6...and then went back because they wanted to, which was OK with us because we'd given them at home what they needed and weren't getting in a public school.
1 child finished at home grades 10-12, and it was because she refused to deal with the wasted time and stupid hypocrisies that she encountered daily in the public school.
1 child did all his school at home...grades 1-12. He learned a LOT more at home, he learned great skills and knowledge about what he was really interested in, and it's served him well in the job market as he has a great steady job because of it.
At 16 your child is plenty old enough to follow instruction and do her work at home. If that's what she desires she should at least be able to give it a try...I wouldn't hesitate to help her get started...and if she's really set on go she could finish ahead of her peers.
those posters suggesting on line school have the right idea. I wish they had online school back when I was a teen, I probably would have had my BAS by age 19!
My daughter, who is halfway through her junior year, now says she wants to homeschool. She hasn't ever been that happy at her high school, but I'm not sure if sending her to another school would be a more positive experience for her (a previous 2-month stint at a private school in her sophomore year confirmed this).
The problems seem to be primarily social in nature, but she also feels stressed over grades (though she does well). And truthfully, I think the school day starts ridiculously early in the morning, so she's chronically sleep-deprived. That reason alone makes me consider homeschooling.
Have any parents out there chosen to pull their child/children out of school during the high school years to pursue a homeschooling program? If so, why? How did you get started, and what have been the outcomes? Is it at all possible to do this if both her father and I work full-time? Do you regret your decision, or is there anything you would have done differently?
Thanks so much for any ideas and/or opinions anyone cares to offer.
I know there are some who regretted letting their kid do this, but I have a friend who had a different experience. Her daughter did "online" for a while, then went back to her regular school. She's now a senior. It worked out well for her. She had at least one parent home most of the time (dad retired).
I think that there are some kids for whom online schooling is a godsend. For a child who is self-motivated and bright, as well as socially adequate, it can help him/her to achieve goals faster. But, if it would require a parent to stay on top of the child at all times to be sure deadlines are met, it's not a great idea. There's a teenage girl at my children's karate school (a 3rd degree Black Belt) who is also an accomplished actress and dancer who does online schooling and her mother completely leaves it up to her. She's flown through the curriculum with flying colors.
If the reason for this decision is to avoid or escape something in the school setting, it's probably not the best choice (you need to deal head-on with whatever the issue may be). If it's in order to remove roadblocks toward progress, then go for it!
My daughter, who is halfway through her junior year, now says she wants to homeschool. She hasn't ever been that happy at her high school, but I'm not sure if sending her to another school would be a more positive experience for her (a previous 2-month stint at a private school in her sophomore year confirmed this).
The problems seem to be primarily social in nature, but she also feels stressed over grades (though she does well). And truthfully, I think the school day starts ridiculously early in the morning, so she's chronically sleep-deprived. That reason alone makes me consider homeschooling.
Have any parents out there chosen to pull their child/children out of school during the high school years to pursue a homeschooling program? If so, why? How did you get started, and what have been the outcomes? Is it at all possible to do this if both her father and I work full-time? Do you regret your decision, or is there anything you would have done differently?
Thanks so much for any ideas and/or opinions anyone cares to offer.
Perhaps your daughter is one of those people who does not function well in the morning. I have a disorder called "delayed sleep phase disorder" which makes it hard for me to fall asleep at night, as this is the time I am most active and alert. Then it makes it very difficult for me to wake up in the morning and I cannot function effectively tell noon or later. There are many people who have this disorder, and it is common with teen agers.
If your daughter is not happy with this schedule and is asking you to home school, if you have the ability to accommodate her request, I certainly would. In addition to making her sleeping schedule more agreeable, which will let her be more productive, you can bet that she will miss a lot of negative influences that are everywhere in high school. You need not worry about "catching up socially" I have known many, many home schooled children who have had no difficulty catching up in College. Also, many homeschoolers have social organizations where they spend time together to make friends, etc. If you look into this, I'm sure your community has many of these opportunities.
Why not have her take her GED or SATs and go to college early? If you can afford it, that is. She might be better off going to a community college or 4 year college. I know two people who left HS to do that. IMO there is nothing so great about socializing in high school, it depends on the kids. If there are little creeps there who do drugs, are amoral or abusive etc. she might be better off in a different setting.
If she had lots of friends in middle school, then it sounds like the problem is that she hasn't developed a social group her high school. Could she get more involved in some fun extracurriculars? She'd probably make some new friends that way, if she was fine socially in middle school.
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) We usually eat dinner by 6 or 6:30 pm.
