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I'm not really sure if I captured this right in the brief subject line, but the situation is this:
Our 1st grader has an active imagination, reads a lot, draws a lot, loves stories, and has a lot of different interests - space, ancient Egypt, dinosaurs, knights and dragons, pirates, etc., whatever happens to be interesting at the time. I didn't really think any of this was unusual, I was the same at his age and thought most kids were.
However one wrinkle is that he does get very involved with whatever his interest du jour is, talks about it a lot, and will do a lot of make believe types of games. I'm never totally sure if he believes it when he says, "We're going to go back in time" or "I've got a pet dragon at home". I usually just think of it as pretend play, I think on some level he knows it's not made up, that his toy isn't real or that we might pretend to something as a game, but I guess I can't be sure about that. He doesn't have an imaginary friend or anything, he just plays like this in the backyard or with his toys.
But when he says things like these on the playground or at school the kids make fun of him, tell him he's wrong, laugh, etc. I feel so badly because it makes him really upset (understandably) but don't know what to do. Tell him he shouldn't play make believe games on the playground? Tell him, like the kids at school do, that he doesn't really have a pet dinosaur or that we can't fly into space tomorrow? I just thought this was part of playing like a kid.
Any thoughts?
*detail: as far as everyone knows he's not on the autism spectrum or anything, although his teachers do want him to work more on social skills, which we're doing. I just never know how to address this particular "make-believe" issue.
I'm not really sure if I captured this right in the brief subject line, but the situation is this:
Our 1st grader has an active imagination, reads a lot, draws a lot, loves stories, and has a lot of different interests - space, ancient Egypt, dinosaurs, knights and dragons, pirates, etc., whatever happens to be interesting at the time. I didn't really think any of this was unusual, I was the same at his age and thought most kids were.
However one wrinkle is that he does get very involved with whatever his interest du jour is, talks about it a lot, and will do a lot of make believe types of games. I'm never totally sure if he believes it when he says, "We're going to go back in time" or "I've got a pet dragon at home". I usually just think of it as pretend play, I think on some level he knows it's not made up, that his toy isn't real or that we might pretend to something as a game, but I guess I can't be sure about that. He doesn't have an imaginary friend or anything, he just plays like this in the backyard or with his toys.
But when he says things like these on the playground or at school the kids make fun of him, tell him he's wrong, laugh, etc. I feel so badly because it makes him really upset (understandably) but don't know what to do. Tell him he shouldn't play make believe games on the playground? Tell him, like the kids at school do, that he doesn't really have a pet dinosaur or that we can't fly into space tomorrow? I just thought this was part of playing like a kid.
Any thoughts?
*detail: as far as everyone knows he's not on the autism spectrum or anything, although his teachers do want him to work more on social skills, which we're doing. I just never know how to address this particular "make-believe" issue.
Since he IS getting negative reaction from his peers, you should address it with him. But some kids at this age do tell fibs like this because they have not totally learned how to distinguish between fantasy and reality. He may love dragons SO much that he wishes they were real and then tries to act as if they are on the playground.
You need to be sure that at home you are very clear about distinguishing between reality and fantasy play. You won't quash his imagination. Definitely make sure he knows he doesn't have a pet whatever and should not be telling classmates that he does. Go over with him the consequences that come with continual lying (mistrust, danger to himself and others, etc.) Give him understandable guidelines about what is pretend and what is real.
I bet it is pretty harmless at its core. The playground can be an overwhelming place for kids, and this may also be his way to set himself apart from his friends as "special." Like a form of social currency. It can be his way of getting attention from classmates. He just did not realize it would be negative attention.
Is the teacher telling you these details about what happens on the playground?
I'm not really sure if I captured this right in the brief subject line, but the situation is this:
Our 1st grader has an active imagination, reads a lot, draws a lot, loves stories, and has a lot of different interests - space, ancient Egypt, dinosaurs, knights and dragons, pirates, etc., whatever happens to be interesting at the time. I didn't really think any of this was unusual, I was the same at his age and thought most kids were.
However one wrinkle is that he does get very involved with whatever his interest du jour is, talks about it a lot, and will do a lot of make believe types of games. I'm never totally sure if he believes it when he says, "We're going to go back in time" or "I've got a pet dragon at home". I usually just think of it as pretend play, I think on some level he knows it's not made up, that his toy isn't real or that we might pretend to something as a game, but I guess I can't be sure about that. He doesn't have an imaginary friend or anything, he just plays like this in the backyard or with his toys.
But when he says things like these on the playground or at school the kids make fun of him, tell him he's wrong, laugh, etc. I feel so badly because it makes him really upset (understandably) but don't know what to do. Tell him he shouldn't play make believe games on the playground? Tell him, like the kids at school do, that he doesn't really have a pet dinosaur or that we can't fly into space tomorrow? I just thought this was part of playing like a kid.
Any thoughts?
*detail: as far as everyone knows he's not on the autism spectrum or anything, although his teachers do want him to work more on social skills, which we're doing. I just never know how to address this particular "make-believe" issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Since he IS getting negative reaction from his peers, you should address it with him. But some kids at this age do tell fibs like this because they have not totally learned how to distinguish between fantasy and reality. He may love dragons SO much that he wishes they were real and then tries to act as if they are on the playground.
You need to be sure that at home you are very clear about distinguishing between reality and fantasy play. You won't quash his imagination. Definitely make sure he knows he doesn't have a pet whatever and should not be telling classmates that he does. Go over with him the consequences that come with continual lying (mistrust, danger to himself and others, etc.) Give him understandable guidelines about what is pretend and what is real.
I bet it is pretty harmless at its core. The playground can be an overwhelming place for kids, and this may also be his way to set himself apart from his friends as "special." Like a form of social currency. It can be his way of getting attention from classmates. He just did not realize it would be negative attention.
Is the teacher telling you these details about what happens on the playground?
Wmsn has some great points.
But, I also suspect that it is a matter of degree. Every child does some pretending but then they also join their classmates in a game of catch or kickball or decide to swing or run races. Is it possible that your child spends all (or most) of his time "playing pretend" and fixated on his own fantasy world? If the other 1st graders "play pretend" 10% of the time and he does it 95% of the time it would cause him to "stand out".
Does this "pretend play" interfere with his academic progress? Does he do it any time there is a brief break in learning such as in the hallway or in the cafeteria or in gym class or does he just do it on the playground?
Also, this type of "pretend play" is a lot more common with younger children such as 4-K and 5-K students rather than 1st graders. Could his classmates have outgrown doing that on the playground? OTOH, topics such as ancient Egypt are not common with early elementary students. Could he want to talk about and pretend about things that the other children are not interested in talking about? Many children love dinosaurs and pirates, but could your son be discussing details and facts that aren't typical for his age? Also, if the other children want to play dinosaurs and he is currently "into space" will he play dinosaurs or insist on playing "space games"?
Have you observed your son with other children his own age such as in a YMCA class or playing a sport? What percentage of the time is he "into" his current fantasy area verses doing what the group is doing?
I know that I have asked a lot of questions but it will help us readers give you better information & feedback.
Wmsn4Life - thank you very much, that is good advice and thank you for the reassurance that this isn't going to quash his imagination. I think you have it spot on - he really wishes he could do x, y, and z. But I never thought about consequences of telling his tale tales, very good points.
He usually tells me himself about the playground ("everyone laughed at me on the playground when I told them there were elves in that tree"), the teacher isn't there for recess (there are playground monitors) but she has shared with me what she observes in the classroom. Often his "everyone" = one or two kids, so we get another exaggeration there.
But I see it when we go to local playgrounds, it may not be "everyone laughed" but kids either won't engage or will argue. Actually, often YOUNGER kids will want to play the way he does, which is generally what ends up happening. Every once in a while he finds a kindred spirit his age but the average kid his age will go off and do something else. He does ok when he plays regular games like tag or whatever, it's just when he starts with the make-believe that he becomes isolated.
But I see it when we go to local playgrounds, it may not be "everyone laughed" but kids either won't engage or will argue. Actually, often YOUNGER kids will want to play the way he does, which is generally what ends up happening. Every once in a while he finds a kindred spirit his age but the average kid his age will go off and do something else. He does ok when he plays regular games like tag or whatever, it's just when he starts with the make-believe that he becomes isolated.
One thing to remember: little kids usually focus on one or two "bad" incidents with classmates and forget about the rest of the time that went well.
This stuff will probably fade out on its own as he realizes it just doesn't "work" with his friends.
Wmsn4Life - thank you very much, that is good advice and thank you for the reassurance that this isn't going to quash his imagination. I think you have it spot on - he really wishes he could do x, y, and z. But I never thought about consequences of telling his tale tales, very good points.
He usually tells me himself about the playground ("everyone laughed at me on the playground when I toldthem there were elves in that tree"), the teacher isn't there for recess (there are playground monitors) but she has shared with me what she observes in the classroom. Often his "everyone" = one or two kids, so we get another exaggeration there.
But I see it when we go to local playgrounds, it may not be "everyone laughed" but kids either won't engage or will argue. Actually, often YOUNGER kids will want to play the way he does, which is generally what ends up happening. Every once in a while he finds a kindred spirit his age but the average kid his age will go off and do something else. He does ok when he plays regular games like tag or whatever, it's just when he starts with the make-believe that he becomes isolated.
When I have observed 4K and 5K (and older children) doing this on the playground the first child will usually verbalize "Let's pretend that we are kitty cats" or " I want to pretend that there is a volcano with hot lava". I never really thought about it until now, but even the four year olds will make it clear to the others that they know it is only make-believe. (I used to team teach 4K and 5K & had recess duty every day with them).
Perhaps just suggesting that he use those words "Let's pretend that there are elves in the tree" may make a difference.
germaine2626 - sorry, looks like we were typing at the same time! Good questions and you hit the nail on the head that is kind of a younger behavior and he spends more time at it than his peers though to what percentage I can't be sure.
It doesn't impede academic progress as far as I know. I don't think it comes up the same way or if he does break out with a "dragons are real" sort of thing the teachers either say, "That's nice" and redirect the conversation or think it's charming and engage him. Ironically the teachers are always telling me how wonderful and smart and creative he is and give a lot of "He said the cutest thing" feedback although they recognize that there is a disconnect with his peers. On the playground there is nobody to gently redirect so things take their natural course.
From the times I have observed him it truly depends - sometimes he's totally with the crowd, other times he retreats. Upon reflection it makes a difference if he is bored or tired. Standing in the outfield, waiting in line, after a long day of academics at school (and this probably applies to recess as well) it probably makes sense he seeks the comfort of pretend play. Although even when he is tuned in and alert he can still say things like, "I'm going to build a time machine". I believe he really wants to.
One thing to remember: little kids usually focus on one or two "bad" incidents with classmates and forget about the rest of the time that went well.
This stuff will probably fade out on its own as he realizes it just doesn't "work" with his friends.
Good point, sometimes I hear "nobody likes to play with me" and then the next time I drop him off at school all of the kids are smiling and waving and calling his name.
I really hope it is going to click sooner rather than later. You know that appropriate social behavior is often formed on the playground but it's so hard to watch.
Last edited by tribechamy; 07-07-2014 at 07:11 PM..
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