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We have 12 year old attitude here x 2. One daughter has been especially sarcastic and nasty with what she says and her tone of voice. We have sat her down for one on one discussions, explained hormones, tone of voice and respect. It continues. Tonight as I was fixing supper she mouthed off when I asked her for some help. I had several options:
1) slap her fresh face- I would never do that
2) yell at her- does little good. my yelling days are long past
3) let it slide and decide to talk to her later- done that too many times already
4) Take her nexxus away from her- we've tried that-no results so..
5) In a very calm voice I said "Go to your room this minute. You will not get any supper and I don't want to see you until the morning". She muttered something under her voice, rolled her eyes and went upstairs.
6)DH said I did the right thing and is upstairs talking to her now. Some wailing and gnashing of teeth about "not fair"
Missing a meal will not put her health in jeopardy. All she has up there are books and leggos. I don't care what she does but I'm hoping she will think about her sassy mouth.
For this situation and this child it is the right thing to do so I'm not asking if you think it is right or wrong. I'm just wondering if you have ever done it and if it made any difference.
I had this done to me as a child, personally I think it's too cruel. I have taken away pretty much everything else from my own kids when they're rotten, other than food.
I was a picky eater as a kid so often barely ate dinner anyway. I spent most of my childhood hungry and very underweight. This can spill over into an eating disorder as an adult, just FYI. Thankfully I don't have any serious problems but I've always been underweight or close to it because I got so used to being hungry, as a kid.
No, I have never done that. I don't like the thought of using food as a punishment or reward. IMHO, it sends the message that the intake of food is a control issue.
Perhaps you could have her eat separately and send the message that nobody wants to be around the attitude.
If you are concerned about hunger being cruel, send her up some leftovers or something else requiring minimal effort. I don't think that dilutes the actual punishment. Esp since at that moment you really needed her to be out of your face.
The point of the punishment is not to starve her, but to let her know that when she behaves that way, she is not welcome at the family table, where there are behavioral expectations she did not seem prepared to meet.
Plus, she didn't want to contribute to the process, so why should she enjoy the benefits?
But you have to be careful. At 14, mine is very likely to prefer being alone in her room all evening to having family time so it isn't working to help her cooperate.
But you have to be careful. At 14, mine is very likely to prefer being alone in her room all evening to having family time so it isn't working to help her cooperate.
.
I have such a clear memory of that happening to me at about that age. I LOVED my room. I stayed in my room all night as I had been ordered to do. It totally ticked my mother off that she never heard me whining about the unfairness of it all LOL. Plus we always had a snack after school so I wasn't hungry at dinnertime.
I have had one eat dinner in his room. It took him down a couple of notches and he couldn't believe I actually did it. He missed the noise and attention he usually gets at the table. My introvert twin would have LOVED it, though.
But I would not actually send them there with No dinner.
You could have her eat alone at the big dining room table if she likes going to her room too much or thinks having a meal in her room is special.
The separation from the family is the message.
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