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I somewhat agree with the original post, and in fact for the longest time I totally 100% agreed with it.
However, there is one huge qualifying factor--people becoming upset at certain forms of discipline and poking their nose into other people's business when they don't like how they discipline.
I have heard people speak of methods they used on their children which managed to get them to behave, yet how they wouldn't utilize these methods in public because people would stare with huge disapproval at what they were doing. We are NOT talking about abuse, but it might have involved a pop on the hand, or a swat to the rear, or a verbal warning along the lines of "put that down or else your butt is mine."
Frankly, I think some parents fail to discipline because of fear of social services being called. Yes there are some who think their children are snowflakes or don't want to be inconvenienced, yes, but much of it is due to the fear of reprisal if they actually respond with discipline.
How many times have I heard people in situations cited by the original poster say things like "woop that butt, I guarantee you he'd/she'd quiet down then." Okay, fine, they do that, now you're calling social services? So which is it? It's darned if you do, darned if you don't. Either way you're complaining.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk
There is no time off for parenting. You're simply not allowed to be too tired or too stressed or too anything to keep parenting.
I have to very emphatically disagree with that. I don't know that it applies here, and it certainly doesn't mean it's okay to let your child be a brat and a nuisance to others, but I don't like the idea--and I very emphatically disagree with it--that you are never allowed any reprieve from parenting ever when you NEED it. To me, at a certain point, you NEED a short break as much as you need oxygen, especially if you are stressed and cranky. You have to take care of yourself too, in fact, some argue you have to take care of yourself FIRST before you can take care of your child, and frankly I tend to agree with that.
It's not about being self-absorbed and narcissistic, it's about respecting your limits and honoring them, rather than pushing yourself beyond them. It's why, for instance, when my daughter was an infant (around 8-10 months of age), I used to pick her up from childcare after leaving work and then have her stay in a playpen near me while I played basketball outdoors, vs dropping everything and paying all my attention to her. Fresh off of work, I felt I needed to "unwind" first by shooting hoops for 20-30 minutes first before I was ready to deal with her. At least with her being in a playpen nearby she could SEE me, she wasn't off in a corner somewhere. Also she was taken care of in terms of having just been fed and changed etc at this time, meaning I picked her up with her "done" versus with the sitters saying "haven't fed her, you need to feed her" or "haven't changed her, she needs changing" etc.
So, since she was done, I wasn't neglecting an actual current need. She could wait a bit for me to pay her attention. I felt I needed that time to "unwind" first vs jumping straight into parenting 2 seconds into the door with no time to "re-center." I honored that need, and expected her to just deal with it. That she was a child and didn't understand was irrelevant to me. I understood, and I was the parent, so that was that. I wasn't obligated to change my behavior because my child possibly didn't understand it. I would even play music on my MP3 player at times, so I couldn't hear her if she started whining, but I would also periodically go to where she was and touch her face and say a sweet word to her, so she'd know I was aware of her presence.
Then, when I was done, I paid plenty of attention to her, and loved on her extensively. I did so AFTER I had taken care of ME first. If some think that's selfish, I don't care. Frankly, I think it made me a better parent.
Step one explain the rules, step 2 explain the consequences, step 3 follow through.
I had a two request rule, then I pick him up and carry him out
if my son was unruly, or disruptive in public
this worked because he knew I would follow thru
before I had kids I had very little tolerance/patience/understanding of unruly kids,
a baby crying in a restaurant would annoy me
after having kids , I have ten times the patience even tho my son was very good in public
i remember seeing some talk show and it was about parents not disciplining kids
one dear lady got up and said, i lost my only two kids, to a drunk driver, oh how i wish i could hear them cry, how i wish i could have that chance again to teach them, but it was taken from me, now when i hear kids cry, i smile, when i hear parents screaming at them in public i cringe
after hearing that,,,, that seem to stick with me to be a bit more understanding,,,that no matter how bad the situation is with a kid in public, it could be worse
Gosh where do you live? Sure this happens from time to time but it is the exception not the rule. Maybe your tolerance level is low.
To be fair, the OP wasn't feeling well so that can make one less tolerant and cranky. That said, sounds like those kids were out of control and the parents could have stepped up and addressed it instead of letting it continue. There are definitely parents who just ignore bad behavior; based on what I've seen it happens often.
I agree with most of this. But, I was raised in a Christian household, and there was no spanking. We weren't asked to sit still for an hour before we were developmentally ready to do so. I see no point in taking kids to religious services before they understand the message.
I've lived in several states, and raised three boys. I don't know what pocket of the world these misbehaving kids inhabit. A sick child, or an exhausted one, sure, I've seen them. They get my sympathy. Kids are naturally loud, antsy and exuberant. If I want quiet, it's easy enough to avoid them. Why go to family restaurants and expect them to be free of kids?
Give me kids over cantankerous adults any day.
I agree. Or young ppl cussing out loud on their cell phones.
Seriously, OP you sound really grouchy....and I think you should avoid places with children, and not because of them.
Well darn now I have to send my children back to the milk man...
I cant wait until some of you have children and they misbehave in public! Youll know what it feels like to be that parent with that kid and all eyes are on you. IT DOESNT FEEL GOOD.
Sometimes its not about your child is in need of parenting, sometimes the child is having a very rough time. My 6yr old has sensory issues so if you and I were at a park and they had fireworks, shed be the one screaming her head off despite how many times i cuddle and say " shh, its ok" while you give me the stink eye, expect me to leave or expect me to never leave my house until shes better.
Oh goodness! My son has Tourettes, lol, you should see the stink eyes we get. I sometimes feel like wearing a T-shirt that says, "My kid has Tourettes, he isn't lacking a spanking"
With the increase in the number of kids with spectrum disorders I feel old people who cannot tolerate children talking above a whisper or moving around their space, will be having a difficult time. If only they had "adult only" stores, movies and eateries to attend. Maybe they should work on that because no amount of drugs is going to free them from this next generation. Maybe they can pray for tolerance and ask that poor run down parent if they need a hand.
To be fair, the OP wasn't feeling well so that can make one less tolerant and cranky. That said, sounds like those kids were out of control and the parents could have stepped up and addressed it instead of letting it continue. There are definitely parents who just ignore bad behavior; based on what I've seen it happens often.
They could ignore the kid and the parents and move on with their day. Some people just enjoy being judge mental of others, like a hobby. Oh look at those bad parents, oh look at those blanks, and those terrible blanks, etc, etc. They converse this way, you might as well give them something to entertain themselves with. A bad mannered kid probably gives them a good week or two of good conversation. Sheet talkers have a love hate relationship with the public that irritates them.
You just proved my point. Why would it not make sense if you live out in the country, because it's inconvenient? I'm not big on having to go back out to run errands once I'm home, especially when there is dinner to be cooked, clothes to be washed, homework to help with, baths to be given, etc, etc. But as a parent that sometimes what we have to do. If my kid is so sick, tired, cranky that he can't keep it together his needs come FIRST.
We all have emergencies that can't be helped from time to time but that's not the kind of situation I'm talking about. I'm talking about the ones who come in and browse, or get a weeks work of groceries, who do their couponing for pete's sake, or stop to chat or text or whatever is they do instead of getting in and out and going home to take care of the kid.
^^^ this is a true fact
I did not prove your point. You really should mind your own business and stop being so judgemental. You don't know their situation so you can't judge.
OP, I don't know where you live, but I never see kids who are so unruly that they ruin an experience for me. Sometimes I hear babies crying at the grocery store or a restaurant, but parents for the most part are very attentive. I've never had a child, snot-nosed or otherwise, come up to my table to see what I'm eating. I don't see kids racing grocery carts down the aisle, or eating out of potted plants while parents sit idly by. Sometimes I see kids acting silly or goofy, or anxious to do some exploring in a new place, or otherwise acting like...kids.
If you're seeing this everywhere maybe you should think about moving. Or maybe you're making mountains out of molehills.
Oh goodness! My son has Tourettes, lol, you should see the stink eyes we get. I sometimes feel like wearing a T-shirt that says, "My kid has Tourettes, he isn't lacking a spanking"
With the increase in the number of kids with spectrum disorders I feel old people who cannot tolerate children talking above a whisper or moving around their space, will be having a difficult time. If only they had "adult only" stores, movies and eateries to attend. Maybe they should work on that because no amount of drugs is going to free them from this next generation. Maybe they can pray for tolerance and ask that poor run down parent if they need a hand.
The difference is, when us old people were young, kids with "issues" weren't put on some spectrum and given a named disorder. They were sometimes put on meds if it was bad, but if your parents were like mine, they didn't like my being a zombie, so they chose to discipline me. I had a pretty hard time getting through high school because of my learning disabilities but by the time I was an adult I learned to live with it and how to become a productive citizen through trial and error and a couple of stints in jail.
Too many kids these days are molly-coddled and placed under an umbrella that cripples them, instead of taking the time to teach them how to make it through their life, problems and all, and still succeed.
[quote=JanND;36871183]I agree. Or young ppl cussing out loud on their cell phones.
Seriously, OP you sound really grouchy....and I think you should avoid places with children, and not because of them.[/QUOTE]
Exactly where does one avoid children in general let alone unruly, undisciplined children who are allowed to run amok by their parents sitting there reading a magazine?
It is impossible to go dang near anywhere but an actual bar with a child being there.
For me and many others this is not acceptable because we don't go to bars or clubs, we got over all that nonsense 30+ years ago.
Besides, the moment anyone would open an "Adults Only" grocery or bakery or any other business someone would file a lawsuit because little unruly, undisciplined Johnny and Joanie are not allowed inside the
"Adults Only" business then the business would either close or allow them in.
I think people should teach their children how to behave and the original poster is not complain g about children in general, the complaint is the lack of parenting and discipline in regards to children in the Doctor's office and a restaurant.
That is the point a lot have seemed to gloss over in this thread. The complaint is about the parents lack of parenting, teaching and discipline NOT the fact that children are there.
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I sometimes feel like wearing a T-shirt that says, "My kid has Tourettes, he isn't lacking a spanking" 
Maybe they can pray for tolerance and ask that poor run down parent if they need a hand.