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Ok, I am Joanna and WAS posting on different boards but only to see if I get differing answers on each board, it certainly isn't me being "a troll or any of other things you say".
I was simply investigating how other boards posters answer the same thread titled question.
And "Joanna", you posted as "Jessica" on Netmums in January and you actually LINKED TO a discussion on debateandrelate. Following your own trail, you call yourself Joanna, Jessica, Joanna M, Jessica M or Guest and your daughter is Erin and once you called her Rihanna. Your daughter wears a pink regatta jacket although on dcurbanmom you said it was a northface jacket.
Your problem is either that she won't zip it herself, that you want her to zip it or that the school wants her to zip it. Your husband is always someone who "smacks" her and you punish by making her go to bed early or watching less tv.
Either you are the world's worst mother, clueless, a troll, or a viral marketer.
Oh my word this is the most amazing thing I've read all day.
I'm a single mom, and I never tried to cajole, plead, or make deals with my daughter - I told her to do it, and she would do it. If she didn't, then she'd suffer the consequences. That sounds like I was really strict, but I wasn't - it was more like (using OP's example) if my daughter said she was cold, I'd tell her to put on or fasten her jacket. If she didn't, then I'd say, "If you want to be warmer, you need to put on your jacket. If you don't, then you'll be cold, and I don't want to hear about it." She'd almost always choose to put on her jacket - if she didn't, she'd be cold (she'd learn quickly she'd rather follow directions). She didn't throw tantrums, she didn't scream for things at the store, she wasn't loud in restaurants - she knew how to behave because I taught her to.
I think it's really counter-productive for someone to "ask" a child to do something, when they're really telling the child to do something. For instance, "Sweetie, will you please put on your coat?" You're asking - not telling. So unless you'll be OK with hearing, "No," then don't ask - tell. Same with eating their vegetables, or being quiet, or not throwing tantrums, or whatever else. If you ask the kid, you're implying they have a say in the matter. If, as a parent, you expect them to do something, then TELL them. A lot of suggestions in here to the OP involve ASKING the child to zip up her coat - if the OP expects her daughter to do it, then phrasing her direction as a question will just be confusing and/or empower the child to defy her wishes. "Will you please zip up your jacket?" "No." Well, maybe you shouldn't have asked.
Also, I often see parents trying to make deals with their young (usually toddler) kids, "Remember our deal, honey? If you're good and quiet in the store, mommy will buy you a treat." Guess what? The kid doesn't get it. The kid probably couldn't tell you the definition of what a "deal" is. They probably have no idea what you're really asking about, except that you're telling them they'll get a treat. And then when the kid throws a tantrum, the parent goes, "Remember what we said? You won't get a treat unless you're quiet." No, the kid doesn't remember what "we" said, the kid just wants the treat you keep telling them they'll get.
Anyhow - I think a lot of parents make more trouble for themselves. They make excuses for some behaviors (kids will be kids or worse, boys will be boys), they ask children rather than tell them, they don't teach their child that there are consequences (by doing whatever it is they wanted the child to do, themselves), or they're not willing to take the time necessary to teach and reinforce their teachings to their children. I'm a single mom, I know it's tiring, but if you continuously let things slide because you just 'can't deal' with it right then, then you're not doing your job as a parent.
Anyhow - it's not a single mother thing. It's often a no-common-sense thing (like asking a child when you're really meaning to tell them or expecting a child to understand certain concepts before they're able to). A father was once surprised that his daughter so readily followed my instructions (I was the children's nanny for the summer). She didn't want to move for her brother (they were both playing with a railroad set) - the dad had started to explain all about sharing and blah blah blah (she didn't get it and was barely listening), when I said, "Move for your brother because he moved for you." She moved. The dad was surprised it was that easy - no tantrums, and the kid started to learn the general idea of give-and-take, cooperation, and ultimately, sharing, and all without explaining concepts that were too difficult for a child of that age to understand.
I didn't think it was a single mother thing. I wasn't a single mother when raising my children, but my son dates single mothers, so that is the only reason for even mentioning their singleness. I wouldn't be dating married women. It didn't occur to me to make a point of saying all that.
Ok, I am Joanna and WAS posting on different boards but only to see if I get differing answers on each board, it certainly isn't me being "a troll or any of other things you say".
I was simply investigating how other boards posters answer the same thread titled question.
HAPPY NOW!
It doesn't really matter how many responses you get. You clearly do not listen or want to hear anything anyone says. You are not really guiding your daughter to be a self-sufficient person, no matter what excuses you think up.
No matter who you may be, your repetitive posts on this topic - both here and elsewhere - have just been reported to the C-D Moderators. Perhaps they can figure out who you are and why you are here.
Bye indeed because it is time to leave this thread methinks because tbh, this thread has run its course!
Time to get banned so I don't have to listen to this crap, MODS, do your thing!
You know you CAN just leave and not come back. No one is forcing you to keep reading.
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It didn't occur to me to make a point of saying all that.