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We allowed our son to have his girl in his room--which was right off our family room and easily visable from the FR or kitchen--to be in his room with him with the door OPEN. My house, my rules, end of story.
Too me your approach makes sense, it respects your child without giving him too much rope to hang himself.
Yes. If the kids know about safe sex and are responsible, leave them be.
14 year olds responsible? Are you kidding? How many 20, 30, 40 year olds still get pregnant and don't know how that could have happened. Yes, they are older than 14 but if they can't do it how can a 14 year old? No way a child, and that is what a 14 year old is, can resist sexual temptation once they are in the midst of things. They are children. They need supervision.
Too me your approach makes sense, it respects your child without giving him too much rope to hang himself.
Usually they were playing video games, so just by the noise alone I knew what they were doing. I prefered that solution to having the gaming consoles all over the family room.
the sex its guna happen just assume it is. ---the issue is its not their house. shared housing means you got somebody elses standards in your house, that is at best very irritating.
14 year olds responsible? Are you kidding? How many 20, 30, 40 year olds still get pregnant and don't know how that could have happened. Yes, they are older than 14 but if they can't do it how can a 14 year old?
Bull. I've known 14-year olds to practice safe sex. And the ones who don't when they are 20, 30, or 40 are the probably the ones who never heard of it when they were 12, 13, or 14.
Yes. If the kids know about safe sex and are responsible, leave them be.
The idea behind "safe sex" is to have sex in a responsible manner, however, it does not put an emphasis on the dangers.
As my children get older, I WILL tell them how they came into the world:
Preg #1: First time we had sex, a day after my period ended, resulting in daughter
Preg #2: Pill baby miscarriage
Preg #3: Even more more vigilant pill taking, child number 2
Preg #4: No more kids stage....condoms...but knowing our luck, lets throw in a double dose of spermicide too....Child #3
"SAFE SEX" did not help us. And every time we have the sex talk I WILL be reminding them that we passed these genes on to them. Besides, condoms do not protect against all STD's. Another fact about condoms is the fact that if a women uses condoms 100% of the time, they still have a 30% chance of contracting HPV. Yes there are now vaccines for it but remember, it wasn't until the 80's that HIV was figured out. How many other things are out there that are not yet identified? How young do you want to risk having your life being taken by not knowing how to handle your emotions?
I will emphasize to my children the risk in having multiple partners, especially ones that they do not know much about. If you haven't had the opportunity to build relationships with the gf/bf's family, then you need to question motives, among other things. Teaching teens about red flags in relationships is key.
Safe sex is NOT the knowlege of a few terms or use of a condom. It starts with the learning of the language needed to talk with those you trust about your questions and fears. It then goes to learning about how relationships work, why their bodies are encouraging them to act certain ways (not just sexually), is talking about the dangers and consequences of sex, in all its forms, how to say no and how to avoid the situation if they don't feel ready, knowing that their rules can chance from one person to the next, AND learning probabilities, such as when we read the spermicide package...(98% effective means that the probability is..is we have sex 50 times, chances are we will get pregnant once. If we have sex 25 times, there is a 50/50 chance.) It is MUCH MUCH deeper than just teaching kids "safe sex."
A child at 14 can not fully understand all these things, especially if they do not live in a healthy environment with parents providing healthy examples, but starting as young as possible will offer the child a long time span of hearing about it, so, while they may not have an adult understanding, they will know be much more responsible and level headed about it. Many parents think that the sex talk should start just before puberty. I know someone who had sex the first time at age 8 with a friend, long before parents talked to them about the dangers. My children know the process of giving birth, know proper terms, and my 7 year old daughter knows the terms, sex, rape, peer pressure, ect already.
I will not wait until my children are having sex to talk to them about it. I had many opportunities myself to have sex from age 11 up. I waited until I was 17 and only had sex a handle full of times before I graduated and was always cautious. It was not because my parents taught me well. It was knowing my mother was only 16 years old when she had me and that neither of my parents finished high school. My slightly younger sister got pregnant at 17, although she did finish high school.
I'm not disagreeing with what you say, becky, but I would make the additional point that there is only one sexual act that results in pregnancy, and there is a whole gamut of other ways to be sexual with your partner short of intercourse.
First the parent / home owner sets the rules.
Children obey. Period.
Kids will learn the boundaries and they will repect you for them and they will respect each other if they are taught to respect each other.
Teens, in fact all kids, should play in the family room and the yard.
Bed rooms are for sleeping in.
Bull. I've known 14-year olds to practice safe sex. And the ones who don't when they are 20, 30, or 40 are the probably the ones who never heard of it when they were 12, 13, or 14.
The idea that a 14 year old is sexually active is so wrong. There is nothing safe about a 14 year old having sex, especially emotionally. Nothing! Some kids at 14 haven't even finished going through puberty. That is just wrong.
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