Options after IVF and Adoption have failed. (legal, teenage, baby)
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I'm not going to tell you my bra size. You're being silly.
I've already told you that Foster, international and domestic are all not working. If those approaches are not working than what else is there to try.
Wasn't aware that I asked for your bra size...what the hades does this have to do with adoption?
You don't want to share the full story if you know it...that's fine....but it means you aren't going to get any information that may help and it's not out of the realm of conjecture, or comment, that your 'friends' are not without culpability in this.
Yes, but WHY aren't they? It's ok if you don't want to give out details about your friend, but you need to realize that means we can't help you.
Foster Care Per our local CPS agency, their goal is reunification. If reunification does not work, then adoption is only allowed by relatives. Non-relatives adoption is not allowed. They have that in writing from the local CPS office. Also see previously posted article about infertile couples not adopting though foster care system. They also asked about inter-state foster children, but we told that "they don't do that" due to budget restrictions.
International Adoption. A great deal of the countries are closed or are in the process of closing. See previously posted article.
According to their national agency, the problems with foster care and international adoption is putting a great deal of pressure on domestic adoption. 2014 saw less than 12,000 placement of non-related children. This includes both infants and toddlers. Millions of childless couples have applied for these children. Catholic Charities, LDS, and other groups are closing their agencies due to lack of adoption placements. Again, their adoption agencies says the number of scammers they are seeing is many times what they were seeing five years ago. Agency says their inability to detect scammers is not their fault they are not law enforcement. :-( According to their agency they have ~1200 couples currently waiting. Average wait time is five years. They placed 216 children nationally last year. The placed 46 children so far this year. Their agency is enacting an age cutoff of 45 for 2016. My friend is 47 this year and her husband is 50. So basically their agency is going to show them the door in 2016.
I don't see how they are going to be successful domestically. Even with the closing of Catholic Charities, LDS and other, adoption agencies are not seeing any uptick in placements. Many agencies are planning to reduce age limits to 42 or 40 to further reduce the pool of childless couples. Costs for a domestic adoption are now averaging high 40s to low 50s.
Lastly, the adoption agency does not actually give a reason other to say that they have not waited much longer than the agency average. They say scammers are more frequent now. They have to accept all women that contact them on the off chance that one will place. And the closer to the "Barbie and Ken stereotype" you are, the more attractive you are to birth mothers. They actually suggested they add a pool to their backyard. :-( The stress of 11 years (5 years of IF treatments and 6 years of adoption attempts) has aged them. It would age anyone.
I don't buy any of the adoption agency's comments.
I have never heard of any foster agency/state social service office that doesn't allow non relative adoptions....yes they do look for reunification and other family...as I mentiobed...but non family adoption is certainly allowed.
Honestly it sounds like you friends have aged out and may have other strikes againest them....like being too picky. So yeah...they want that perfect newborn baby....they are out of luck....even internationally.
Foster Care Per our local CPS agency, their goal is reunification. If reunification does not work, then adoption is only allowed by relatives. Non-relatives adoption is not allowed. They have that in writing from the local CPS office. Also see previously posted article about infertile couples not adopting though foster care system. They also asked about inter-state foster children, but we told that "they don't do that" due to budget restrictions.
International Adoption. A great deal of the countries are closed or are in the process of closing. See previously posted article.
According to their national agency, the problems with foster care and international adoption is putting a great deal of pressure on domestic adoption. 2014 saw less than 12,000 placement of non-related children. This includes both infants and toddlers. Millions of childless couples have applied for these children. Catholic Charities, LDS, and other groups are closing their agencies due to lack of adoption placements. Again, their adoption agencies says the number of scammers they are seeing is many times what they were seeing five years ago. Agency says their inability to detect scammers is not their fault they are not law enforcement. :-( According to their agency they have ~1200 couples currently waiting. Average wait time is five years. They placed 216 children nationally last year. The placed 46 children so far this year. Their agency is enacting an age cutoff of 45 for 2016. My friend is 47 this year and her husband is 50. So basically their agency is going to show them the door in 2016.
I don't see how they are going to be successful domestically. Even with the closing of Catholic Charities, LDS and other, adoption agencies are not seeing any uptick in placements. Many agencies are planning to reduce age limits to 42 or 40 to further reduce the pool of childless couples. Costs for a domestic adoption are now averaging high 40s to low 50s.
Lastly, the adoption agency does not actually give a reason other to say that they have not waited much longer than the agency average. They say scammers are more frequent now. They have to accept all women that contact them on the off chance that one will place. And the closer to the "Barbie and Ken stereotype" you are, the more attractive you are to birth mothers. They actually suggested they add a pool to their backyard. :-( The stress of 11 years (5 years of IF treatments and 6 years of adoption attempts) has aged them. It would age anyone.
I don't buy any of the adoption agency's comments.
You stated that your friend is 47 and her husband is 50 thus they started looking to adopt at age 41 and 44. Just the fact that they were older may have been a major factor in their difficulties.
Of course you can be a wonderful parent if you are older, but a birth mother may see their ages and think to herself "By the time that my baby graduates from college Mom will be almost 70 years old and Dad will be 72 years old" and decide to choose a younger couple.
I'm guessing that most birth mothers who are putting their child up for adoption are quite young. It may be hard for a 16 or 18 or 22 year old girl to picture their child as a teenager being raised by a couple that are retirement age and select younger parents.
I'm sorry but that is my honest opinion.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-17-2015 at 10:15 PM..
Foster Care Per our local CPS agency, their goal is reunification. If reunification does not work, then adoption is only allowed by relatives. Non-relatives adoption is not allowed. They have that in writing from the local CPS office. Also see previously posted article about infertile couples not adopting though foster care system. They also asked about inter-state foster children, but we told that "they don't do that" due to budget restrictions.
International Adoption. A great deal of the countries are closed or are in the process of closing. See previously posted article.
According to their national agency, the problems with foster care and international adoption is putting a great deal of pressure on domestic adoption. 2014 saw less than 12,000 placement of non-related children. This includes both infants and toddlers. Millions of childless couples have applied for these children. Catholic Charities, LDS, and other groups are closing their agencies due to lack of adoption placements. Again, their adoption agencies says the number of scammers they are seeing is many times what they were seeing five years ago. Agency says their inability to detect scammers is not their fault they are not law enforcement. :-( According to their agency they have ~1200 couples currently waiting. Average wait time is five years. They placed 216 children nationally last year. The placed 46 children so far this year. Their agency is enacting an age cutoff of 45 for 2016. My friend is 47 this year and her husband is 50. So basically their agency is going to show them the door in 2016.
I don't see how they are going to be successful domestically. Even with the closing of Catholic Charities, LDS and other, adoption agencies are not seeing any uptick in placements. Many agencies are planning to reduce age limits to 42 or 40 to further reduce the pool of childless couples. Costs for a domestic adoption are now averaging high 40s to low 50s.
Lastly, the adoption agency does not actually give a reason other to say that they have not waited much longer than the agency average. They say scammers are more frequent now. They have to accept all women that contact them on the off chance that one will place. And the closer to the "Barbie and Ken stereotype" you are, the more attractive you are to birth mothers. They actually suggested they add a pool to their backyard. :-( The stress of 11 years (5 years of IF treatments and 6 years of adoption attempts) has aged them. It would age anyone.
I don't buy any of the adoption agency's comments.
Their age is probably very off-putting to moms placing their babies. By the time the kid is 18, your friends will be 65 and 68, retirement. I can totally understand that. Considering their age and stage of life, I really think they just need to accept the reality that they aren't going to be parents, or if they are offered a child, any age, tween/teen whatever, feel appreciative and accept that child with open arms.
From what I understand, there has been a push to adopt domestically, but I can't comprehend a shortage of children needing homes, especially since I know here there are so many children without a place to stay, they often sleep on the CPS office's floors.
Foster Care Per our local CPS agency, their goal is reunification. If reunification does not work, then adoption is only allowed by relatives. Non-relatives adoption is not allowed. They have that in writing from the local CPS office. Also see previously posted article about infertile couples not adopting though foster care system. They also asked about inter-state foster children, but we told that "they don't do that" due to budget restrictions.
International Adoption. A great deal of the countries are closed or are in the process of closing. See previously posted article.
According to their national agency, the problems with foster care and international adoption is putting a great deal of pressure on domestic adoption. 2014 saw less than 12,000 placement of non-related children. This includes both infants and toddlers. Millions of childless couples have applied for these children. Catholic Charities, LDS, and other groups are closing their agencies due to lack of adoption placements. Again, their adoption agencies says the number of scammers they are seeing is many times what they were seeing five years ago. Agency says their inability to detect scammers is not their fault they are not law enforcement. :-( According to their agency they have ~1200 couples currently waiting. Average wait time is five years. They placed 216 children nationally last year. The placed 46 children so far this year. Their agency is enacting an age cutoff of 45 for 2016. My friend is 47 this year and her husband is 50. So basically their agency is going to show them the door in 2016.
I don't see how they are going to be successful domestically. Even with the closing of Catholic Charities, LDS and other, adoption agencies are not seeing any uptick in placements. Many agencies are planning to reduce age limits to 42 or 40 to further reduce the pool of childless couples. Costs for a domestic adoption are now averaging high 40s to low 50s.
Lastly, the adoption agency does not actually give a reason other to say that they have not waited much longer than the agency average. They say scammers are more frequent now. They have to accept all women that contact them on the off chance that one will place. And the closer to the "Barbie and Ken stereotype" you are, the more attractive you are to birth mothers. They actually suggested they add a pool to their backyard. :-( The stress of 11 years (5 years of IF treatments and 6 years of adoption attempts) has aged them. It would age anyone.
I don't buy any of the adoption agency's comments.
Are they willing to adopt:
1. an older child?
2. a disabled child?
3. a child of a different race or ethnicity or religion?
4. more than one child so that a family can be kept together?
It seems to me that it is unlikely that they will get that newborn they are after, but there are children waiting who they might be suitable for.
My niece and her husband recently adopted a family of four children from Texas. They did not have an outrageously long wait and they were older though not as old as your friends are. The kids are thriving with them, btw, though it took some adjustment to become a family.
1. an older child?
2. a disabled child?
3. a child of a different race or ethnicity or religion?
4. more than one child so that a family can be kept together?
It seems to me that it is unlikely that they will get that newborn they are after, but there are children waiting who they might be suitable for.
My niece and her husband recently adopted a family of four children from Texas. They did not have an outrageously long wait and they were older though not as old as your friends are. The kids are thriving with them, btw, though it took some adjustment to become a family.
Well, the latest information hits the nail on the head. Your friends are old. I'm sorry - that's just the truth. They are old compared to the other hundreds of potential adoptive families that they are in competition with. And, it is a competition. Adoptive parents usually prepare some kind of "Our Life" book with a statement and pictures of themselves, family, friends, hopes for the child, etc. And, mothers look through these books to "pick" their family. It's simply going to be tough to get picked when you are nearly the age of grandparents.
I really think their only hope is the foster system, or dumb luck with a private adoption. I have NEVER heard of a foster care system that only allowed biological adoptions. That doesn't even make sense. Also, if they didn't already know, there are public/government foster systems and private foster systems (my mother worked for one). If they aren't having luck with the public system, try a private one.
Yeah the age is the big deal here. If they want to adopt then they will have to look at older children in the system and/or sibling groups. Sounds like they have a bad agency. But many countries and agencies wont take them due to their age.
I don't know the deal with CPS there but they don't do that here. Of course reunification is the goal, and second is family placement, but both are often not possible. They aren't likely to place newborns with them though.
In many places there is more then one agency that deals with kids in the system. Have them research that, perhaps.
Maybe you can start a gofundme page to pay for their surrogacy
Still...I don't understand why *you* are so invested in this...
Well, the latest information hits the nail on the head. Your friends are old. I'm sorry - that's just the truth. They are old compared to the other hundreds of potential adoptive families that they are in competition with. And, it is a competition. Adoptive parents usually prepare some kind of "Our Life" book with a statement and pictures of themselves, family, friends, hopes for the child, etc. And, mothers look through these books to "pick" their family. It's simply going to be tough to get picked when you are nearly the age of grandparents.
I really think their only hope is the foster system, or dumb luck with a private adoption. I have NEVER heard of a foster care system that only allowed biological adoptions. That doesn't even make sense. Also, if they didn't already know, there are public/government foster systems and private foster systems (my mother worked for one). If they aren't having luck with the public system, try a private one.
Good points.
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