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My children were not "on the payroll". We gave an allowance for chores that were completed.
At a certain point, that wasn't enough and they sought employment outside of the house. They had all essentials supplied - clothes, hair cuts, bedroom decor, travel with us and with others, when appropriate, extra curricular activity fees, a lap top, summer camp and college.
What have we not paid for? Automobiles. Phones that are not essential, MAC computers, designer clothes, - etc.
Children do need to be provided for by their parents. They do not need to be indulged.
I paid RENT to my Mom as a teenager My Mom stopped buying clothes, paying haircuts and stuff like that at age 12.
As long as my child is filling his/her time with something productive in high school (be it volunteering, sports, etc.) I am not a huge proponent of part-time, McDonald's/pizza parlor/etc. type work. I do not think these kinds of jobs are necessary to instill hard work and values in teens.
After high school graduation, I expect my kids to either attend school full-time or work full-time.
If they are in school - 20 is not only way too early, but also damaging.
If you are in the business of studying - you should be studying. A LOT. The RIGHT SUBJECTS. The kind that don't allow time for working to make a buck on the way.
Working would put a dent into study-based life plans.
Making your kids work their way through their years of study may sound virtuous but is just plain not constructive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keim
OMG! I'm DAMAGED!!! That explains SO much.
Thanks so much for the laugh this morning, Syracusa.
How in the world did I EVER manage to maintain good grades, participate in extra-curricular activities and work half-time during HS and college?
Was it easy classes? No. I actually found myself better prepared than my peers at Graduate school (where I worked 2 jobs while taking a full load of credits)
Easy extra-curriculars? No. Was a competitive member of a team that won regionals for nearly 20 years in a row. I managed to qualify for the national tournament several times (not easy to do)
Easy jobs? Burger flipper, gas station attendant, assistant store manager, teacher... I don't think so.
All that and I don't even wear a cape!
I sure am glad you came along to tell me all those good experiences were damaging. Hahahahahaha!
I must be damaged, too!
Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa
Yes, I stick to my assertion that it CAN be damaging if a student spends quite a bit of his time in a menial jobs in college, instead of maximizing the attention he pays to studying, learning, reading or even socializing with his college friends.
I personally would prefer that my child spent some of his free time in the company of his college mates, debating whatever intellectual topic, as opposed to asking over and over again "would you like fries with that"?. I don't need them to learn "the value of a dollar" and what "hard work means" this way.
There are other ways to learn such values.
I would even prefer that they take a nap in their free time and just do noting for an hour a day, to air their minds, as opposed to cramming tons of crap in their schedule just to show they can joggle millions of things at once and take as much abuse as possible.
Any decent employer will know better.
Working through college may not be damaging in ALL cases where students work, but it CAN affect many.
If you want me to take this back - I won't. Sorry.
Personally, I would prefer that my children NOT work while in college - unless we talk about a relevant Internship towards the end of their studies.
This is just BS. Somehow I managed to go to class, study, spend time with my friends, AND work about 20 hours/week. I waited tables and it WAS a part of my social life. Though apparently intellectually damaged, I managed to get a full time job immediately after graduation and remain gainfully employed.
How and when do you propose to teach them the value of hard work and the value of a dollar? Please do tell.
It's super funny that you think college students spend their social time debating intellectual topics. You sound like tons of fun. I'm sure your kids will be too!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyJet
I paid RENT to my Mom as a teenager My Mom stopped buying clothes, paying haircuts and stuff like that at age 12.
That makes SOME sense, UP TO a point.
I am not sure even about the food and shelter though, if he/she never wants to contribute anything and just be fed and sheltered.
Some people have very minimal expectations from life and would be just fine being kept at a minimum.
This would still not be OK. They would have to start contributing at some point as I cannot or do not want to feed them for free, for life - at my level of resources.
Still even if they were out on their own and came upon hard times you would help them with food and shelter, so I'm not saying you should just accept a 40 year old never employed child. I am saying that a child who knows you will feed them will still need clothes, travel money, etc.
I teach my kids to be independent and my 15 year old is already planning on getting a part-time job so she can pay for the privilege to drive and other things. BUT I am advising her to take the bus and study because she's in advanced classes. So whatever is in the best interest of the kid also depends on their situation. However, I would never kick them out. I was kicked out of my house periodically when my mother got mad so I think that kids should always feel welcome in their parents home.
My oldest didn't get a job in high school (in hindsight....he thought he was "too good") and we didn't force him. My youngest son had numerous jobs, beginning at 17....landscaping, golf attendant, grocery store, etc. Comparing both of them, I would DEFINITELY say it is better to have some sort of job while still in high school (my son played sports....and still had a job, so don't use that excuse!) It teaches them so many things, but mostly about hard work and that good jobs don't come easy....you have to start at the bottom and work hard.
My oldest moved out on his own when he got married right after college. The youngest just graduated from college and is looking for a full time position in his degree. He is living at home right now and is back working at the Country club golf course until he finds a full time job. I am ok and support him living with us until he gets on his feet. If he wasn't trying, I may be more inclined to shove him out the door!
If you have to MAKE them get a job, you probably haven't done a very good job of raising them!
Mine are young still, but we talk about starting to work to save money for college etc at least 3, 4 times a week...My goal is for them to understand that they need to work for their money, and that laziness won't get them anywhere.
A lot of times you cannot even get a legitimate part time job until your 15, most well known companies its 16 where I am from. Still, I had a part time job from 9th grade till college. Senior year I was able to get work release and worked pretty close to full time when I wasn't in my sports season. I was able to have a lot of money and still had my weekend nights free for the most part.
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I must be damaged, too! 
