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I'm glad to see that the situation was resolved. I'm sure your son feels a loss because this woman was someone he felt comfortable enough to confide in and they developed an emotional bond. However this woman should not have spoken to him about meeting up, even after he turns 18. The state of her marriage is still unknown but she is still married. There is really no indication other than her words that the marriage is on the rocks- she could be looking for a little fling. There is also no indication about how the husband would react to this "friendship"- maybe he'd be all right with it, maybe he'd hurt the son.
Wow, so a woman who has a lousy husband should consider her lousy husband's opinions when making all of her decisions? No. If someone does not treat you well, you don't factor them in when deciding stuff.
They also could just be friends. Maybe all her friends like to run their mouth and she figures a random guy wouldn't have the desire or ability to tell anyone, but could still be someone to vent to?
Thats not proof the are discussing activities which may or may not be illegal
Quote: Originally Posted by JanND
Seriously, how many 40 year old strangers called you during the middle of the night and kept you on the phone 5 hours at a time when you were a teen? Boundaries??
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The law is blurry enough to begin with in many areas, and it is a decent thing to extend the benefit of the doubt to someone when there is no smoking gun that clearly shows any activity to be unlawful.
However (there is always a however, right?) ... adults must take all steps to avoid even the slightest appearance of impropriety when there is any contact with a minor. Even though what is known to have transpired does not rise to the level of a prosecutable offense, the woman's actions put her in a very bad light. If she is "guilty" of anything at this point, it would be for having zero common sense and seriously impaired judgment.
If having zero common sense and seriously impaired judgment was a prosecutable offense, half the country would be in jail now.
I think it's strange a 40yo woman would be doing online relationships with teenage boys. Chances are she knows he is a teenager. Would be difficult to hide that for a prolonged period of time. The age difference is going to be an issue. Why wouldn't she be talking to men closer to her age unless something was up.
Definitely contact her and let her know this has to end. Like the reviewer said earlier, nothing good can come of this situation.
Awesome that you are setting limits but still giving your son some latitude and trust.
You can't really do this. That's like saying "I sort of trust this person."
If you only sort of trust someone, you don't trust them.
The woman is the adult, and she is the one who should make sure it doesn't continue. When mom and dad call her and inform her that she is talking to a minor, she should break it off either because she really didn't know he was that young, or at the very least, because it would be stupid of her to continue, knowing that his parents are on to her.
If you're not doing anything wrong, you wouldn't be worried that the parents are on to you.
It's weird. Sorry. Probably not illegal but weird. I don't find it odd that a 16 year old male might confide, talk with, even have a crush on a 40 year old married woman (or man). That a 40 year old married woman is interested in five hour conversations with a 16 year old kid (a stranger) tells me there is something off with that adult.
Instead of looking for guilt, let's think about the reverse.
Say the boy called her at night and she didn't answer, but her mailbox was full, so it just kept ringing and ringing and ringing, but he thought if it rang 400 times, she would eventually give in and answer, so he let it ring all night.
Eventually, after 5 hours, he gave up and went to bed.
It would still show on the phone bill that it was a 5 hour call, but they never talked.
Doesn't that totally alter how you view the situation and yet, no one here seems to have considered that likely possibility.
What would a 40 year old woman want with a 16 year old boy? What's wrong with her?
Maybe she just wants a friend who enjoys the same online game she plays and maybe her real friends would make fun of her constantly if she admitted she plays that game.
Maybe she's developmentally delayed.
Maybe she's really only 22 and just said she was older so she would have the air of experience. There's lots of possible reasons.
Because people here want a malicious story doesn't mean that's what it is.
Agreed ... call them what you will (crushes, attractions, infatuations), those do happen frequently and many people are very understanding especially if they experienced something similar during their teenage years. It is part of the gradual maturation process that occurs as kids transition into that phase of their lives. I mentioned earlier in this thread about my high school french teacher during my freshman year.
The adult deserves to have the spotlight on her because such interaction with a 16-year-old boy is outside the realm of generally accepted normal behavior. If you make an effort, it is possible to justify almost anything in this world. If you are a person who possesses common sense, combined with that intuitive ability to know when something appears amiss, then you should be more critical of what took place here.
When it comes to unattended or suspicious packages, law enforcement uses the expression, "If you see something, say something." If it is good enough for them, it should be more than adequate for parents to use as a guideline in their homes. When they observe something that justifies intervention on their part, they need to act as the first line of defense in protecting their children. Just about every teenager that ever lived felt strongly about two things ... 1. knowing more about everything than their parents and 2. feeling that they were invincible ... nothing could harm them.
Harsh realities of life: #s 1 and 2 are patently untrue and #3 is that teenagers do not establish and enforce the rules, parents do.
# 2 is patently untrue, but # 1 isn't.
For all we know, this woman could be a model citizen.
Even if the parents choose to cut off the communication, that doesn't mean the woman was bad and that the teenager was wrong.
# 3 also really isn't true in practice. If it were, all teenagers would worship their parents as role models and adhere to their every desire. I think we all know that's not really how things work.
I'm going to disagree here and say this is NOT about the woman.
This is about setting boundaries with your kid.
The second I found out my kid was doing chat rooms or making these late night phone calls, all that crap would be cut off (internet, phone, etc).
And I can't BELIEVE the op is worried about "violating trust" of her son?
Seriously?
You're a parent. Parent.
I think the worry is that in response to losing the woman, he goes to a random bar and tries to drink his problems away and he ends up talking to a similarly aged woman who invites him back to her place to vent and she does something malicious towards him there.
Now not only did he meet a person who might actually hurt him, but she lives in his hometown AND is intoxicated, whereas the other friendship might have been weird, but probably would never have amounted to much.
So even though you might be "parenting," you could make the situation 10x worse if you overmeddle.
Most people ERRONEOUSLY think its 18 nationwide for the USA.
Still, even if I had a 17 y/o son involving himself with a woman in her 40s who keeps him on the phone at all hours of the night IN MY HOME, I would LAY DOWN the 'proverbial "law" and put a stop to it.
She still should NOT be discussing her personal intimate marriage and divorce details with a 15, 16, 17 year old, regardless of age of consent. They {the teen} can't handle it.
And the news here USED to feature only men who were predators, NOW they feature MANY WOMEN who are predators amongst teenage boys. Teen boys are GULLIBLE, and IMMATURE, and just waiting to "get some" anywhere they can get it. Even well into their 20s MANY young men are NOT fully mature yet, and NOT capable of RESPONSIBLE decisions.
Teenagers discuss intimate details about their own relationships. Outside of money and parenting being involved, there isn't a whole world of difference between their own relationships and adult relationships.
It has not been said that this woman has been abused, so there is nothing sensitive involved.
And when parents separate, the boy usually knows by the time he is 15 what the real story is, so there is not much difference here.
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