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All of the people who want to involve the cops: Can you please state the penal code that the woman is violating? He is 16. In most of the states she can even have sex with him without any legal consequences.
Agreed. While an unusual, there's nothing to suggest anything illegal is occurring. Definitely call her and make the point, but this is not a legal issue.
Never heard of see something, say something? This is suspicious behavior. Let the police decide whether anything illegal has taken place, instead of brushing over it and hoping everyone told the truth. Imagine 10 years down the line and the kid tells you something untoward was happening and they just didn't understand that at the time. The police have officers who are trained to handle these situations because they know that its something that is easily concealed and secretive by nature.
How do you think that conversation is going to go when the police are called?
OP:I'd like to report that my 16 year old is talking to a 40 year old woman.
Police: Ok. How did you find out he was talking to her? Where did they meet? What's her name? How do you know her age? How do you know it's a woman? Do you know the nature of their conversations? Has she done anything illegal?
OP:My son told us he was talking to her. He met her online playing a video game. Well, I looked her up on Facebook and her profile matches what she has told my 16 year old. No. They do take place in the middle of the night. They also text each other. No she hasn't done anything illegal that I am aware of at this point.
Police:So, your verifying information from Facebook? Do you know what the text messages said? It isn't illegal to talk on the phone in the middle of the night and isn't illegal to delete your text messages even if you are 16.
Police: So you don't have any evidence that there have been any laws broken?
OP: Well, no.
Police: Talk to your son and ask what they talk about. Tell him that he shouldn't be talking to someone he met online in the middle of the night for 5 hours. Get rid of the landline. Get rid of the video games for awhile. Take him to a therapist if he needs someone to talk to him. Best as I can tell nothing illegal has taken place. Call us if something happens. In the meantime, keep an eye on your son.
And now that we've gotten through 202 posts and thoroughly beaten this horse multiple times what it comes down to is the parent should PARENT and call the woman up and tell her to knock it off or further action will have to be taken. What all should notice is the OP went from "what do I do" to "I will call the lady" to "I'll talk to the police" to "I talked to a cop I know" to going dark on the thread.
OP here, sorry I couldn't log on yesterday, I was very busy.
So, we called the woman yesterday. She was very quiet, didn't talk much. Just "I understand".
Our son followed up with a text for her not to contact him anymore and blocked her number. I took a screenshot, just in case, as proof in writing where he says "I'm 16. We need to stop all contact."
He said this was the closest friendship he has ever had. Apparently, they really opened up to each other. He has friends his own age, but it sounds like 15/16 year old boys mostly talk about superficial things.
I asked him if they ever discussed meeting up. He said that she told him they would have to wait until he was 18. This tells me that A) she definitely knew how old he is and B) there must have been some kind of sexual intent, otherwise why would his age matter? C) THEY DISCUSSED MEETING UP!!! This really shook me up.
We are working on removing the landline, which is something I've wanted to do for years anyway. If we see that she has called/emailed or texted him somehow, we will go straight to her local police.
So, we called the woman yesterday. She was very quiet, didn't talk much. Just "I understand".
I'm sure she was scared sh*tless.
Well done, OP; now is the time to focus on further encouraging your trust in your son and helping him learn the proper ways to build friendship and emotional intimacy with someone. It sounds like he is open enough with you to TELL you all these feelings he is having. That is a good sign.
It's easy for many sensitive and introverted people to develop intense bonds through writing with others. It removes a lot of the social obstacles and lets them just communicate. He is mistaking that for an actual connection.
Maybe seek professional help for HIM to develop his self-worth and feel more comfortable communicating with folks in real life and closer to his own age and life stage. Don't make this so much about punishment as about open communication and further personal development.
OP here, sorry I couldn't log on yesterday, I was very busy.
So, we called the woman yesterday. She was very quiet, didn't talk much. Just "I understand".
Our son followed up with a text for her not to contact him anymore and blocked her number. I took a screenshot, just in case, as proof in writing where he says "I'm 16. We need to stop all contact."
He said this was the closest friendship he has ever had. Apparently, they really opened up to each other. He has friends his own age, but it sounds like 15/16 year old boys mostly talk about superficial things.
I asked him if they ever discussed meeting up. He said that she told him they would have to wait until he was 18. This tells me that A) she definitely knew how old he is and B) there must have been some kind of sexual intent, otherwise why would his age matter? C) THEY DISCUSSED MEETING UP!!! This really shook me up.
We are working on removing the landline, which is something I've wanted to do for years anyway. If we see that she has called/emailed or texted him somehow, we will go straight to her local police.
Yes now you have to monitor everything like a hawk...cut the landline yourself if you have to...unfortunately there are many ways your son can still be in contact that you can't monitor(friends phones,public library computers,pay phones). That's why I still think you should fire off a letter from an attorney(not threatening) thanking her for her "continued" cooperation but setting forth what your actions will be if her "improper" interest in your son resumes.
OP here, sorry I couldn't log on yesterday, I was very busy.
So, we called the woman yesterday. She was very quiet, didn't talk much. Just "I understand".
Our son followed up with a text for her not to contact him anymore and blocked her number. I took a screenshot, just in case, as proof in writing where he says "I'm 16. We need to stop all contact."
He said this was the closest friendship he has ever had. Apparently, they really opened up to each other. He has friends his own age, but it sounds like 15/16 year old boys mostly talk about superficial things.
I asked him if they ever discussed meeting up. He said that she told him they would have to wait until he was 18. This tells me that A) she definitely knew how old he is and B) there must have been some kind of sexual intent, otherwise why would his age matter? C) THEY DISCUSSED MEETING UP!!! This really shook me up.
We are working on removing the landline, which is something I've wanted to do for years anyway. If we see that she has called/emailed or texted him somehow, we will go straight to her local police.
Regardless of whether there was sexual intent, his age matters because you all assumed that there was anyway. So I can understand why she said she wouldn't feel comfortable meeting until he was 18.
OP here, sorry I couldn't log on yesterday, I was very busy.
So, we called the woman yesterday. She was very quiet, didn't talk much. Just "I understand".
Our son followed up with a text for her not to contact him anymore and blocked her number. I took a screenshot, just in case, as proof in writing where he says "I'm 16. We need to stop all contact."
He said this was the closest friendship he has ever had. Apparently, they really opened up to each other. He has friends his own age, but it sounds like 15/16 year old boys mostly talk about superficial things.
I asked him if they ever discussed meeting up. He said that she told him they would have to wait until he was 18. This tells me that A) she definitely knew how old he is and B) there must have been some kind of sexual intent, otherwise why would his age matter? C) THEY DISCUSSED MEETING UP!!! This really shook me up.
We are working on removing the landline, which is something I've wanted to do for years anyway. If we see that she has called/emailed or texted him somehow, we will go straight to her local police.
OP here, sorry I couldn't log on yesterday, I was very busy.
So, we called the woman yesterday. She was very quiet, didn't talk much. Just "I understand".
Our son followed up with a text for her not to contact him anymore and blocked her number. I took a screenshot, just in case, as proof in writing where he says "I'm 16. We need to stop all contact."
He said this was the closest friendship he has ever had. Apparently, they really opened up to each other. He has friends his own age, but it sounds like 15/16 year old boys mostly talk about superficial things.
I asked him if they ever discussed meeting up. He said that she told him they would have to wait until he was 18. This tells me that A) she definitely knew how old he is and B) there must have been some kind of sexual intent, otherwise why would his age matter? C) THEY DISCUSSED MEETING UP!!! This really shook me up.
We are working on removing the landline, which is something I've wanted to do for years anyway. If we see that she has called/emailed or texted him somehow, we will go straight to her local police.
GOOD JOB! It seems to me that your son learned something through all of this without being injured or any negative things so there's that as well...
There is nothing wrong with an older person being friends with a younger person.
Apparently there is according to this thread. I can understand the OP not wanting her son to communicate with an adult woman (would it have been ok if she were 25?), but I'm not going to assume the woman was a "predator" just for talking to him. Even if she had a crush on him, that doesn't make her a predator, in my opinion.
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