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Had a thought last evening that may be worth passing on in general as a parent whose children are long past teenage years.
15/16 year old boys don't 'casually' tell you they met someone on line or are having 5 hour night time conversations with a 40 year old opposite sex person . They may mention it in an off hand manner but they do it for a reason. They may want you to know for any number of reasons, they may want to see IF you will do anything, they may have a concern they want to discuss, they may be testing you, Etc.
If talking with the older woman was that deeply important to your son, he would have kept it to himself. so you all did the right long term thing
She may be preying other young boys just like your son. Therefore, I would make a fake page, portraying myself as a 15-17 year old boy, and try to talk to her, and see her reaction. She is old, she must stay in her zone and get with an older man (if she is really going through a divorce0.
That's sick!!!
I think that's called "entrapment". I do not support this woman in any way, but if the OP wants to pursue this, I would suggest calling the police.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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OP, I'm certainly glad that you have updated this thread.
I agree with those that say that you have an amazing relationship with your son. If you didn't, you would never have heard about any of this. You are doing something right
Keep the lines of communication open. He has to know there are consequences for continuing talking to her when he was told not to. At the same time, he should get a break for at least owning up to the fact and he needs to know what would have happened had he not come clean. Above all else, love him.
I have punished my kids for doing wrong but they knew that if they had lied to me, the punishment would have been far, far worse. And yes, I always knew when they lied. They each had their own 'tell' in how their body language was. Bwahahahahaha! I never let them know how I knew
They knew they could come to me about anything. They knew there would be consequences but that the punishment was pretty much in line with what the 'crime' was. It's funny thinking back... My daughter always talked when it was dark. Either when I was driving and it was just the two of us or when I was tucking her into bed. It was a nightly routine we had even up through teen years. I think they liked that one on one time. Towards the last, it was more of a poking my head in the door and just letting them know that I was available and to say good night.
Yes, teen time is tough. Hell, parenting is tough. There are times I do miss it though <sigh>
My grandkids are finding out that I am a good listener and sounding board, so there is that
Our son said that the only thing that was more difficult and painful was losing his grandfather. This really broke my heart. He has such a big heart and a sweet soul.
I'm glad he is involved in a lot of school activities to keep him busy. I'm going to keep checking back with him to see how he is doing.
Our son said that the only thing that was more difficult and painful was losing his grandfather. This really broke my heart. He has such a big heart and a sweet soul.
I'm glad he is involved in a lot of school activities to keep him busy. I'm going to keep checking back with him to see how he is doing.
Good luck to you and your son. I am very relieved that you stepped in and hope the 40 year old will respect the appropriate boundaries you have stated. But I am also relieved that you recognize that this is a genuine loss for your son, and he will need support as he grieves. Perhaps it would be a good idea to find a counselor he can talk to - even just a few sessions, but clearly he's got some things he feels the need to talk about with someone besides his parents. That's age appropriate but I think it can be tough for boys because they are so socialized to not talk about feelings. I find that mature men get past that, and realize that good friends can talk about these things, but that's not likely for 16 year olds.
Our son said that the only thing that was more difficult and painful was losing his grandfather. This really broke my heart. He has such a big heart and a sweet soul.
I'm glad he is involved in a lot of school activities to keep him busy. I'm going to keep checking back with him to see how he is doing.
I feel for him, really. I was a teenage boy once and your emotions go crazy. Some day he will thank you for saving him from someone sick enough to even consider such a relationship, and for giving him the opportunity to chase girls his own age.
So, we called the woman yesterday. She was very quiet, didn't talk much. Just "I understand".
Our son followed up with a text for her not to contact him anymore and blocked her number. I took a screenshot, just in case, as proof in writing where he says "I'm 16. We need to stop all contact."
He said this was the closest friendship he has ever had. Apparently, they really opened up to each other. He has friends his own age, but it sounds like 15/16 year old boys mostly talk about superficial things.
I asked him if they ever discussed meeting up. He said that she told him they would have to wait until he was 18. This tells me that A) she definitely knew how old he is and B) there must have been some kind of sexual intent, otherwise why would his age matter? C) THEY DISCUSSED MEETING UP!!! This really shook me up.
Im glad you are getting control over the matter.... It DOES sound like he was scared of it getting out of control and he wanted your help which is why he told you.... (He didnt know how to get out of it)
My husband wants to call her just in case she isn't aware that he is only sixteen. I'm worried about losing our son's trust, but I see his point. I'm really not sure where to go from here.
Not going to read the whole thread so I'm not sure if it's been addressed but if there's any question whether she knows your son's age, you need to find out ASAP. She may not know how old he is if he has not said, and the fact that you didn't know as of your OP is odd. Did you ask your son if she knows how old he is? Has he explicitly said or would she otherwise somehow know?
IF she is unaware he's a minor, this isn't as creepy as everyone thinks and your son shouldn't withhold his age, IF that's the case. If she knows he is 16, this is absolutely not okay and YOU as the parent need to step in and cut off contact. Either way contact needs to end, but she is far more excused here if she seriously didn't know he is only 16.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,341,226 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21
OP here, sorry I couldn't log on yesterday, I was very busy.
So, we called the woman yesterday. She was very quiet, didn't talk much. Just "I understand".
Our son followed up with a text for her not to contact him anymore and blocked her number. I took a screenshot, just in case, as proof in writing where he says "I'm 16. We need to stop all contact."
He said this was the closest friendship he has ever had. Apparently, they really opened up to each other. He has friends his own age, but it sounds like 15/16 year old boys mostly talk about superficial things.
I asked him if they ever discussed meeting up. He said that she told him they would have to wait until he was 18. This tells me that A) she definitely knew how old he is and B) there must have been some kind of sexual intent, otherwise why would his age matter? C) THEY DISCUSSED MEETING UP!!! This really shook me up.
We are working on removing the landline, which is something I've wanted to do for years anyway. If we see that she has called/emailed or texted him somehow, we will go straight to her local police.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerseyGirl415
Not going to read the whole thread so I'm not sure if it's been addressed but if there's any question whether she knows your son's age, you need to find out ASAP. She may not know how old he is if he has not said, and the fact that you didn't know as of your OP is odd. Did you ask your son if she knows how old he is? Has he explicitly said or would she otherwise somehow know?
IF she is unaware he's a minor, this isn't as creepy as everyone thinks and your son shouldn't withhold his age, IF that's the case. If she knows he is 16, this is absolutely not okay and YOU as the parent need to step in and cut off contact. Either way contact needs to end, but she is far more excused here if she seriously didn't know he is only 16.
Resolved. I brought her post forward so you could read for yourself.
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