Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
"To tell someone [who doesn't want the responsibility of raising/supporting their offspring whom they imposed life upon in a cruel,cold world] they should have had an abortion ........ unbelievable]."
The son was lucky to have landed the job. Had he not, he would have become homeless, and his cold-hearted, immoral, and irresponsible mother would not give a rat's ass, so long as she could eat dinner alone.
The outcome was that the son was lucky enough (extremely lucky, so lucky that many posters thought the OP was trolling to have reported that the son landed a job that paid three times as much just three days later). The intention of the OP is what I am criticizing.
It's obvious that you have mommy/daddy issues that you'll need to address first.
The reason your son isn't leaving though....is because he CAN'T without getting absolutely financially crushed. Talk to him. I'll bet his biggest fear in life is becoming a "perma-renter", not for lack of trying, but because of the economic reality that home prices are astronomical while wages remain depressed.
One option (because renting sucks terribly and is a good way to deplete your family's resources) is that perhaps you could offer to co-sign for a home if he saves for a down payment. I encourage getting him to save for the down payment as that teaches responsibility and will be necessary for the maintenance of the home. If you want grand kids one day then this is a good bet for you as you son isn't going to be able to start a family without a solid footing. Likely his income will still be low, but that can be supplemented by renting out rooms in the house.
The other thing you could do is get your local planning and zoning commission to allow the construction of more housing units in your area, and really in all areas. A stretch but the only way to get prices lower is to increase supply.
The tragedy of property ownership is that current owners want prices to rise, but would-be owners just want to get their foot in the door. Of course with rising prices.....well....then what? You sell your home and then buy into another property? That only works if you're significantly downsizing or plan on an alternative living arrangement. Neither helps the next generation own property. But once you get that foot in the door, BAM, life is good, especially since a mortgage payment is often lower than rent for the area. My 3br. house is costing me what a 1br. apartment goes for. The difference is that I'm not urinating away 100% of that, and I can rent out rooms if need be or use the property as a rental in the future, or sell at a profit. None of that can be done when you're wasting away paying obnoxious rent on an apartment.
It's a shame that so many (I just bought my first house early last year after a decade+ of diligently saving and struggling) are forced to, in many cases, lose their income on rent in order to make others rich. The rich get richer I guess. Often this isn't for a lack of trying or a complete lack of personal responsibility (though it often is because of that too) but instead because prices even adjusted for inflation are ridiculously higher than in every previous era.
Good post!
I agree with this.
Honestly, roommates isn't always the best idea. I lucked out. I lived with 2 very solid dudes, who I moved out to California with from Jersey. I had known them for a while before this, years before this. We weren't really good friends before that, but I was a good friend of the older brother of one of them. Had 2 other decent roommates right before I moved out of Jersey. They needed a roommate and I moved in. The condo we lived in was owned by the father of one of them, I'm not even sure if he was paying any rent to his old man for the place. I definitely was paying though haha. There are some horror stories with roommates though. I wouldn't advise moving into a place with people you don't really know or Craigslist roommates or whatever. I'd rather live with my mom or grandparents than that, which is mostly because I don't really trust new people. At least not enough to share a place with them like that.
Luckily for me, I had an apartment of my own before I ever had roommates. Aside from when I crashed at a good friend's for a little while, in between my grandparents moving out of state and me finding my own apartment when I was 23.
I just don't get it. My parents NEVER tried to push us out. We had our freedom to come and go and we contributed to the household. My brother was in his 30's when he got married and THEN moved out. I was 27 when I got married and THEN moved out. I don't get these parents that try to push their kids out especially at a young age (yes, 23 IS young) and they're not even making that much money to support themselves.
I sense no loving relationship at all.
I find this terribly sad. Neither you nor your brother ever lived your own lives. You went from one thing to the other, never learning independence or self-sufficiency. Maybe this is a cultural thing?
If she loves her son, she will push him out of the nest and allow him the dignity to become a man. Kicking and screaming if need be. He will be better off in the long run. He can rent a place with a few of his friends, or get roommates, if he can't afford his own place.
I find this terribly sad. Neither you nor your brother ever lived your own lives. You went from one thing to the other, never learning independence or self-sufficiency. Maybe this is a cultural thing?
If she loves her son, she will push him out of the nest and allow him the dignity to become a man. Kicking and screaming if need be. He will be better off in the long run. He can rent a place with a few of his friends, or get roommates, if he can't afford his own place.
Who are you to say it's sad? Everyone is different, and maybe the brothers didn't care about living on their own. Granted, I wouldn't have done what they did (I'm in my mid 20's, and want to move out sometime this year if possible and get a place in the city to live my own life and not think about kids/marriage anytime soon), but everyone has their own goals in life.
While I definitely understand being independent and self-sufficient, you don't need to move out to necessarily do these things.
Who are you to say it's sad? Everyone is different, and maybe the brothers didn't care about living on their own. Granted, I wouldn't have done what they did (I'm in my mid 20's, and want to move out sometime this year if possible and get a place in the city to live my own life and not think about kids/marriage anytime soon), but everyone has their own goals in life.
While I definitely understand being independent and self-sufficient, you don't need to move out to necessarily do these things.
My spouse and I are currently going through this situation with one of our children. While it hurts us to the core it is our duty as parents to kick him out of the nest. There is no other way to learn to be "independent and self-sufficient". Being independent and self-sufficient is not some abstract concept, it must be achieved to claim the title.
We are friends with some childless couples who claim their dogs are an equivalent to caring for children. Nonsense. Trust me, there is no feeling like the fear a parent has for their children's well being. But a parent has the duty to not stunt their children's growth and must sometimes be "brutal" to do the right thing. OK, awkward sentence but you understand what I mean.
Frankly I don't understand the concept of kicking out the 20+ years old kid from the nest as a way for the kid and/or the parent (like what OP said) to achieve independence.
I wish my kids to return and stay with me in my home after their graduation while before marriage. Here are the reasons:
(1) I am over 60 and anything can happen, i.e. having a stroke. If my kids are staying with me, they can help us out in such scenario. Though it is kind of selfish for me, I consider it a reciprocal act since we had paid enormous effort to attend to my kids when they were young.
(2) As I have said, they can save the money from rent for down payment of their first home. Since my house has been fully paid, I don't mind the extra increased expenses of $50-100 for utilities every month if they choose to return and stay with us.
(3) I enjoy the family bonding time when we sit down for dinner every evening. They can also help my wife in doing the house chores.
Of course they have to look for a job during their stay at home. But I would not kick them out even if they can't find a decent job within 8 months!
But what if they make enough to get their own place? If they're supporting themselves, it's not like you get to decide where they live.
When you wrote your original post, he wasn't making enough to move out. Now, he miraculously got a job making much more within days. Give him time, I'm sure he looks forward to leaving. It won't be long.
Well, you are really stuck. Either turn you take, it will end up damaging your relationships with your son. If you evict him using the available tools that the law provides, he will probably be resentful towards you for a very long time and you will feel bad the whole way trough. If you let him stay, your anger towards him will grow that will damage the relationships as well.
If he helps you around the house and tries to contribute as much as he can, then I would bite the bullet and encourage him gently to look for a job and try to get out as soon as possible. Just make strict rules about what he can do here and can't, like bring girls etc. But as much restriction as possible, don't let him get comfy, don't wash his laundry, don't cook meals for him, he will want go get out as soon as possible himself.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
