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Your husband was right, your daughter was being rude for no reason and deserves discipline. She could have answered the question, and if grandma then posed another said, "Sorry, grandma. I have to get ready for school now. Goodnight."
You need to bring her up to snuff, Mom.
I agree with this. Grandma is an elder and she is owed even a one-word response. Your daughter is 8, not a toddler. Not answering her was a definite act of defiance especially once your husband stepped in. Making excuses for her (she didn't get the ice cream she wanted, she was tired after a long night) will only teach her she can be rude if she doesn't always get her way.
I believe the child was being rude to not respond to the grandmother, so I would have to take your husband's side. I think he could have handled it in a less aggressive manner, but it needed addressing, for sure.
It's not a response to the question, it's a dismissal of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74
I wonder if all the people saying it was disrespectful for the daughter to not give a verbal answer also insist their kids hug and/or kiss a grandparent whenever the grandparent asks.
Darn right we do, as long as the grandparents aren't excessively demanding hugs or kisses or asking for them at inappropriate times or in inappropriate situations. And none of their grandparents have done so, so yeah, they are expected to acknowledge and return the affection they are being shown whether they feel like it or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74
Personally, I think it's ok for a kid to say no sometimes. In this case, a shrug may have been a less than gracious way to say "I don't want to talk about the movie right now" than was preferred but I don't consider it disrespectful. But to the extent it was, Granny was equally disrespectful by trying to demand an answer from a kid who clearly wasn't in a mood to talk at that moment. Respect should be a mutual thing and not something that the young are expected only to give and not get.
You speak as if it's a symmetrical relationship. Maybe it is in your family but certainly not in ours. Our children's grandparents have broad discretion to insist our children show them proper respect. This right did not vest from earning my children's respect but from their innate status as familial authority figures and half a century of parenting experience.
Yes the daughter was rude. Yes the father over reacted. A tone of hey young one, we respond to inquiries , so maybe you can politely answer your grandma's sincere inquiry? Thank you.
Then maybe let it sink in.
My adult nephew has spent his life being dismissive. He brags about much...And most of us tune him out. He taught us how to treat him.
Interesting. So I'm getting that most of you agree that my daughter owed her grandmother the courtesy of answering her, and that to not answer her was misbehavior. I may have to rethink my view then. Last night I remember being fairly adamant that while our daughter was obligated to answer to me or her father, she had no such obligation to grandma, who is merely a guest in our house, and not a member of the household that our daughter is beholden to.
Whoah. Seriously?
Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbab5
But if most of you are thinking that she is obligated to be nice to grandma,
She needs to be respectful - which means, NOT rude. I can't imagine not teaching a child to be respectful to her elders, and CERTAINLY to her grandparents. I'm gobsmacked.
I'm gobsmacked too. "A shrug is a response?" a rude one. And not acceptable to someone's grandmother. I can't believe this is even considered an option. I'm as liberal and "modern" as they come, but common decency never goes out of style
Darn right we do, as long as the grandparents aren't excessively demanding hugs or kisses or asking for them at inappropriate times or in inappropriate situations. And none of their grandparents have done so, so yeah, they are expected to acknowledge and return the affection they are being shown whether they feel like it or not.
Speak for yourself.
Many of us understand that teaching children they must physically "return the affection they are shown, whether they feel like it or not " is a concerning, and potentially dangerous lesson.
Totally different than having good manners or respecting others.
Many of us understand that teaching children they must physically "return the affection they are shown, whether they feel like it or not " is a concerning, and potentially dangerous lesson.
Totally different than having good manners or respecting others.
Exactly what is dangerous and concerning about hugging your grandparents back when they hug you?
Exactly what is dangerous and concerning about hugging your grandparents back when they hug you?
That wasn't what was said and you know it.
Being forced to hug and/or kiss someone you don't feel comfortable with or when you are not feeling comfortable in the situation teaches children to ignore their instincts and reinforces that there are people who are allowed to touch you in ways that don't make you feel good.
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