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Your baby sounds exactly like my daughter when she was a baby! I think looking into some medical issues possibly allergies could be worth it? My daughter had acid reflux until she was 5 months old and she screamed most of the night and would not sleep for 5 months until she could sit up on her own and the issue resolved some. Sleep issues continued until she was a year old or so? By 18 months she was a good sleeper.. so things can/will get better.
Also, my daughter was also an incredibly hyper baby just like yours (and now a hyper child). That might just be their temperament. But I will also say my daughter is 4 and can read chapter books, converses like an adult, and has a memory like I can not believe. She is incredibly funny and literally the life of the party everywhere she goes! Not bragging.. just wanted to point out there are really good aspects to being hyper.. like she taught herself to read when the other toddlers were napping.
Just wanted to say you and your wife are not alone.. I am also very anxious and I got through it.. she can too. Just be there for her as much as you can and offer to take the baby and let her go get her nails done or just go to a coffee shop and read for the afternoon. It shows you care and it is much needed for her! Wish my husband had done that for me!
Agree that dad should be at home more. Make sure mom gets seem sleep everyday. That alone can drive a person insane. She might kill you instead of herself, you never know. Or the precious baby.
See if she can join a ymca or gym that wI'll watch little one while she exercises or takes a swim. Also, experiment to see what will get him to nap 2 hours a day. Maybe a big bottle, maybe loud lullaby music on a CD player, maybe tiring him out with a bouncer, swing, or exersaucer.
Make sure she can have sone fun with a date night, help her with chores, you can't stay at work all day and not come home and help. Not cool. You have to help. That's why God gives children to two people and not just one. It's hard. It wil, get better at age 1 and then even more better as time goes on. Of course, that probably when child 2 comes. Muwahah. Good luck. Take care of yourself and your family.
I didnt read all the responses but my son is almost 3 and still doenst sleep through the night. We have an almost 14 month old who also doesn't sleep through. I work full time and right now my husband works nights. Its awful...it is unfortunately normal for kids to wake up at night particularly if they werent sleep trained. I'm still waiting for the day my kids sleep through the night....
Im suprised by all the people suggesting your baby has a medical issue...sure get him checked but why oh why do people assume a 10 month old should be sleeping through the night?
I'm very sorry for what you and your wife are going though. 10 months of sleep deprivation is very serious. Please do whatever you need to do so that she can start getting a regular 8 hours of sleep at least 5 nights a week, at least until she is fully recovered and has been stable for a few months. As someone who also deals with anxiety and depression, I find that 5 hours is the MINIMUM I can do to not have serious problems.
As to your financial concerns about not being able to save much if you pay for child care - THIS IS WHAT SAVINGS ARE FOR. Based on your comment about how important saving is to you and your wife I assume you have a healthy nest egg built up. If you're not willing to use your savings to help your family when they're in this desperate of a situation then you should take a hard look at your priorities.
There's NOTHING wrong with medication to pull someone out of a severe or stubborn out of anxiety/depression. Post-partum can be especially hard to deal with without medication, and it can last for YEARS if not treated. Most SSRIs (depression mediation) are safe for breastfeeding. Especially since your son is 10 months old and surely is on solid foods now, the potential benefits of medication would far outweigh (IMO) any risk. But remember - NO AMOUNT OR KIND OF MEDICATION CAN REPLACE 8 HOURS OF SLEEP! Sleep has GOT to be a priority, no matter what.
Babies are very responsive to their primary caregiver's moods and feelings, so in that respect, if medication gets your wife feeling better that may very well have a positive effect on the baby as well. Not to mention he's getting all of her stress hormones in the breast milk. So you and she need to prioritize taking care of HER, and that will have a positive effect on your baby.
Suggestions for sleep - As other posters have already suggested, please have him evaluated for digestive or other issues that could cause sleep disturbances and hard crying. Get a new pediatrician if yours won't take you seriously. He may also just have a higher threshold for stimulation and require more stimulating entertainment during the day to be a more content baby.
Has she ever tried co-sleeping? My babies would not sleep on their own well until they were preschoolers, so co-sleeping was the only way I could get the sleep I needed to stay healthy. Mind you she shouldn't sleep with the baby when she's THIS sleep deprived - she could fall into a very deep sleep and roll onto him (although this is less of a risk with a 10 month old than a tiny newborn). So if she wants to try this, make sure she's not running on empty when she does. If she doesn't want to co-sleep you could put his crib in your room and that may also help him sleep better. My babies would always wake up the moment I left the room, I honestly think they can smell their mother at that age, so having her close by might help him stay relaxed, and make it easier and quicker for her to tend to him when he does wake up.
It also sounds like you REALLY need to find a new job that is closer to home and which doesn't drain you mentally. It's just part of being a parent that you have to structure your life so that you have something to give back when you get home.
EDIT: Wanted to throw in my 2 cents on the therapist/suicidal ideation issue. I had a friend who had suicidal feelings after she had her first baby. She did everything she was supposed to do in that situation and saw a therapist regularly. One day the therapist told her that if she mentioned suicide one more time she would have her committed. At her next appointment my friend brought it up again and just like that she was hauled off to a mental health facility in another town against her will. She was only allowed to see her baby behind a wall of glass for a week or two. She called me up in tears while she was there and said she wasn't even getting any help for her depression, and that the doctors and nurses wouldn't listen to her or give her any real therapy. My point in sharing this is to balance out the members that are telling you she needs to make a bigger stink about her suicidal feelings. Our mental health system is TERRIBLE in this country. Her best bet in getting help to not feel suicidal is YOU. Since you have no family nearby YOU ARE HER LIFELINE. If you think paying for a nanny or a sitter is too expensive, just realize that if this is not resolved soon you may very well be on your own trying to care for this child who will not sleep AND maintain your 60 hour/week job while your wife suffers alone in an impersonal, ineffective, understaffed hospital(and possibly have tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills, depending on your insurance). A support system is crucial, so if you don't have family around you need to make friends (fast) or move closer to helpful relatives. *** This is not to say that you shouldn't call 911 if need be***, but since this has been going on for months and is clearly caused by situational factors, I hope you choose to make the needed changes in your schedule or hire a nanny so that your wife (and son) aren't put at the mercy of the mental healthy system.
Best of luck!
Last edited by sammichsammich; 05-11-2017 at 08:54 PM..
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whatsnext75
Im suprised by all the people suggesting your baby has a medical issue...sure get him checked but why oh why do people assume a 10 month old should be sleeping through the night?
A 10 month old shouldn't be screaming and flailing while the parents are holding him and trying to comfort him while he's awake during the night.
That's a problem. Whether it's night terrors, or serious physical discomfort, or something else, don't know.
This is not the same thing as a child who is simply awake and wanting attention.
I'll try to keep this short, but this is going to be a loaded post....
Not to go into too much detail, our current situation is that my wife is stay at home (not working), and I'm working a fairly stressful job that keeps me occupied about 50-60 hours a week (including commuting time) and drains me mentally by the end of the day. Even with my wife staying at home, our baby really is a challenge. The biggest issue is that he sleeps VERY poorly and has since we brought him home from the hospital. He might take 3-4 short 30 minute naps during the day, and he gets up in the night anywhere from 3-6 times and sometimes he'll cry for hours at night no matter what we do. Nothing like holding a screaming flailing baby you're trying to comfort. Walk around, screaming. Lay him down, screaming. No matter what you do, screaming. In short, my wife has not gotten more than 4 hours of sleep at a time for almost a year now, and even going back to when she was pregnant, she had to get up often to pee. She looks absolutely terrible and she's constantly dazed and out of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whatsnext75
Im suprised by all the people suggesting your baby has a medical issue...sure get him checked but why oh why do people assume a 10 month old should be sleeping through the night?
No one here said a 10 month old should be sleeping through the night. Not a single person.
I am so sorry!! I cannot imagine 10 months of crying and not sleeping well!! I went through it for 2 months it was rough!!
A friend of mine suggested the book On Becoming Baby Wise. It really changed everything!! It talks about putting the baby in a routine and how to do it. I kid you not this book did wonders.
OP Your wife needs a new therapist right away. Untreated depression can progress to psychotic depression. She could possibly develop psychotic depression from chronic sleep deprivation. Your wife needs to be evaluated by a psychologist or psychiatrist as soon as possible. I used to manage a psychology practice and when patient's talk of suicide it's normally time to go inpatient for evaluation and care. Reputable therapists don't blow off someone talking about suicide or take that lightly -- EVER.
Can any parents (hers or yours) or any other relatives come to stay with your family temporarily? Your wife's mental health is really an emergency situation. If she is seriously depressed she is not in any condition to care for an infant full time by herself. If you have no relatives that can assist you need to get help around the house or look into a daycare situation until your wife is in a better place.
All kids are different and your son could be in this "phase" for awhile. Good luck!
Agree that dad should be at home more. Make sure mom gets seem sleep everyday. That alone can drive a person insane. She might kill you instead of herself, you never know. Or the precious baby.
See if she can join a ymca or gym that wI'll watch little one while she exercises or takes a swim. Also, experiment to see what will get him to nap 2 hours a day. Maybe a big bottle, maybe loud lullaby music on a CD player, maybe tiring him out with a bouncer, swing, or exersaucer.
Make sure she can have sone fun with a date night, help her with chores, you can't stay at work all day and not come home and help. Not cool. You have to help. That's why God gives children to two people and not just one. It's hard. It wil, get better at age 1 and then even more better as time goes on. Of course, that probably when child 2 comes. Muwahah. Good luck. Take care of yourself and your family.
So Dad should quit his job, how will that lower mom's stress and depression?
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