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it doesn't seem weird or unusual to me that the daughter doesn't invite the parents over. What does seem unusual is that she is borrowing their car several times per week but isn't reciprocating by making herself available at any other times. I wouldn't really expect her to call, mostly because she's seeing that you are doing well 2-3 times weekly. But arranging to stay fit dinner occasionally (like monthly) wouldn't be too much of an imposition on her time, and it would show that she values her parents for more than the use of their car.
I'm pretty sure I was the same way as a young adult. If I were you, I'd just back off and let her initiate contact; don't invite her over or ask to see her, just let her be the one to contact you. It might take a while, but I'm thinking when she doesn't feel pressure to visit or spend time with you, she will do it of her own accord. The more you push, the more she will resist. I remember it being very stressful for me when my dad felt like I wasn't spending enough time with them.
With my own adult kids, there was a period of time when I didn't see them a whole lot. They were in college and busy with their friends and their own life. Now they all live near me and I see them all occasionally. One of them I see a few times a week because she has a child and we watch the baby a few times a week. I sometimes invite all the kids over or to go do something, but I always tell them NOT to feel obligated and if they have plans or just don't want to, it's okay. Sometimes one of them will text me and ask if I want to go to lunch. I used to say "no" regularly either because I had work to do or because I was watching what I eat, but now, no matter what I have going on, I always say "yes" if they ask me to go somewhere. I decided time with them when they want to spend time with me is more important than anything else I am doing. I'm sure that time will come for you, but first you need to back off and not make her feel like spending time with you is an obligation.
Just a thought: Could you ask your other daughter if she has any insight into why her sister acts like this? The two girls probably talk about it so she might be able to give you an idea what is going on. Still, I think it's pretty normal for young adults to just want to be independent of their parents.
I don't think my husband has really seen much of our kids' apartments/houses unless he was moving them in or out. I, as the mom, see the kids more on a day to day basis than he does. My kids do plan get togethers with EACH OTHER where DH and I are not invited and that is perfectly okay with us.
I'm pretty sure I was the same way as a young adult. If I were you, I'd just back off and let her initiate contact; don't invite her over or ask to see her, just let her be the one to contact you. It might take a while, but I'm thinking when she doesn't feel pressure to visit or spend time with you, she will do it of her own accord. The more you push, the more she will resist. I remember it being very stressful for me when my dad felt like I wasn't spending enough time with them.
With my own adult kids, there was a period of time when I didn't see them a whole lot. They were in college and busy with their friends and their own life. Now they all live near me and I see them all occasionally. One of them I see a few times a week because she has a child and we watch the baby a few times a week. I sometimes invite all the kids over or to go do something, but I always tell them NOT to feel obligated and if they have plans or just don't want to, it's okay. Sometimes one of them will text me and ask if I want to go to lunch. I used to say "no" regularly either because I had work to do or because I was watching what I eat, but now, no matter what I have going on, I always say "yes" if they ask me to go somewhere. I decided time with them when they want to spend time with me is more important than anything else I am doing. I'm sure that time will come for you, but first you need to back off and not make her feel like spending time with you is an obligation.
If it hadn't already been three years, I'd agree with your advice.
I have a very active social life with many hobbies however the boredom comes during the day when all friends are working.
Going over to daughters house isnt that much of a big deal but it would be nice if she would take us up on our invitations to come over for supper once in a while,or accept a lunch date once in a while or a movie.
I dont have this problem with my other daughter,even though she lives thousands of miles away she enjoys texting us almost every day,frequent emails and phone calls at least twice a week,she makes it obvious she enjoys interacting with us.
1. What do you consider once in a while? Considering her work schedule it might be difficult for her to try to commit to more than once every few months, especially if anything you choose to do happens during hours when she normally sleeps.
2. Please don't compare your kids and decide that one of them is lacking because their behavior is different.
I have one that messages nearly every day, I panic if I haven't heard from her for three or four days. We have a lot in common and spend a fair amount of time together.
The other one, well sometimes I'll message him after a month or more of not hearing from him, just to tell him I'm checking to make sure he's not dead, lol.
I don't think he loves me any less than my daughter does, or that he's avoiding me. He just has a different personality and it makes my relationship with him operate a lot differently than my relationship with my daughter. ~and before anyone thinks, 'well of course, he's a guy', I have to say it's my son who is an extrovert, loves people, etc and I always thought he would be the one to remain in closer contact to his parents after moving away, funny how that works.
She's learning to be independent. You do talk to her and she is there for holidays, so you have not lost contact and she hasn't abandoned you.
Adults socialize with their friends, not their parents. It sounds to me like you are getting a fairly normal amount of attention from your adult child.
That. ^^^ Is it possible you get too involved in her personal business? If she's self-supporting and generally happy, you raised her fine. You shouldn't depend on your adult children to liven up your life.
Children sometimes are naughty, but not socializing with their parents are something wrong. They might need some time for them self, but for me it is still wrong. Guess parents need to take care of them
Yeah, guys, it really is outrageous for Dad to think that he might be invited to daughter's apartment ONCE in three years. I mean really! What an imposition on her! She'd have to clean it up; if she has roommates come to some accommodation with them for a dinner time (or whatever) with her parents, etc. /s My guess is if there are friends/guys involved and there are roommates, this isn't so difficult!
And what's with the expectation that she maybe could set aside some time once, before say another year goes by and do this? Totally unrealistic. She has her own life to live. Maybe when she has kids she'll have more time or the temperament, for her parents. And her parents probably did abuse her, or whatever and that's why she's doing this. /s
Come on, people! Now if Dad was saying he thought she should make time for them once a week, I'd be all there with you. One of our daughters lives in our metro area, and we probably see her once a month or so, and not always, not even usually, at her house.
That's not to say that I don't think Dad should come up with some hobbies, maybe service projects to do to fill his time. But that's an entirely different issue.
Right now, they aren't close. She has her own life. Nothing wrong with that. This is what happens to folks in their 20's. No one here knows her work schedule either.
I'm in my 40's and my parents NEVER visited me the 3 years I lived in SC. I live a few hours away now and they haven't visited me in over 2 years. It happens. People have lives.
Back when I was younger, my mom told me she wished she had put a little more effort into visiting her own parents, who lived 900 miles away from us. Once her dad died, at the age of 64, things just weren't the same. Years would go by that they/we didn't see each other.
I did a little better than her, but still, now that they're gone, I really wish I could see them again. I think "(p)eople have lives" is very cold.
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