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She sees us twice a week for less than a minute. As an example tomorrow i have to get some blood tests done at the hospital Wife and i are then going out for breakfast at a restaurant right across the street from her apartment,we asked her to join us at about 8:30 her response was its too early.
When I was in my early 20s, I would have said the same thing about someone who wanted to plan a get together that early. I am not an early person, so unless it was necessary there is no way I would have gotten up at 7:30am
Since breakfast is too early, did you ask if she would maybe want to do lunch instead?
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I wonder if some of the responders to this topic actually have kids as in my case i've loved these kids for 20+years now all of a sudden i am expected to say goodby to the kids and stop loving them because they've moved away from home and got jobs? sorry but im not wired that way.
I dont know if they all have adult children, but I'm guessing they've all been 20 something year olds and know what it's like to be out on your own. No one is saying to stop loving her (that's weird to think), but didnt you raise your children knowing that one day they were going to eventually move out? When you were your daughter's age, how much time did you actually spend with your parents?
She sees us twice a week for less than a minute. As an example tomorrow i have to get some blood tests done at the hospital Wife and i are then going out for breakfast at a restaurant right across the street from her apartment,we asked her to join us at about 8;30 her response was its too early.
I wonder if some of the responders to this topic actually have kids as in my case i've loved these kids for 20+years now all of a sudden i am expected to say goodby to the kids and stop loving them because they've moved away from home and got jobs? sorry but im not wired that way.
You DO remind me of my ex somewhat, he has problems maintaining a relationship with our daughter basically because he insist that the relationship is on his terms. No matter how many times she (and I) tell him that she is a night owl and not a morning person he will insist on calling before 10 AM, if she goes to visit him he wakes her at 8 AM so she can eat breakfast with them, then he gets mad because she never answers his calls or wants to go visit him.
Not saying this is you but maybe something to ponder? Are you considering her lifestyle when you ask her to spend time with you? HAVE you tried to ask her when would be a good time to get together and chase it to a conclusion?
You DO remind me of my ex somewhat, he has problems maintaining a relationship with our daughter basically because he insist that the relationship is on his terms. No matter how many times she (and I) tell him that she is a night owl and not a morning person he will insist on calling before 10 AM, if she goes to visit him he wakes her at 8 AM so she can eat breakfast with them, then he gets mad because she never answers his calls or wants to go visit him.
Not saying this is you but maybe something to ponder? Are you considering her lifestyle when you ask her to spend time with you? HAVE you tried to ask her when would be a good time to get together and chase it to a conclusion?
Remove out of the equation for a moment this is the OP's daughter. It's a sibling or a long time friend. You only see them because they need use of your car. Every time you suggest they stay for a visit or go out for a meal they can't, they only come for the car. Can't even sit down and have a cup of coffee with you, and if you didn't have this car, you wouldn't see them at all.
How would that make you feel? I would feel "used".
Remove out of the equation for a moment this is the OP's daughter. It's a sibling or a long time friend. You only see them because they need use of your car. Every time you suggest they stay for a visit or go out for a meal they can't, they only come for the car. Can't even sit down and have a cup of coffee with you, and if you didn't have this car, you wouldn't see them at all.
How would that make you feel? I would feel "used".
Yeah, I get that, but I also feel like because it is the daughter the OP feels like she 'owes' them and those sorts of feelings make good relationships difficult. That's why I think he should sell or give her the car and take that out of the equation entirely. She's not blameless but I don't think he is either. He wants more than she is willing to give, both of them need to compromise but is he willing to meet her halfway, do things on her time frame?
We arent forcing her to take the car we are offering it to her as a convenience over an hour and a half on public transit its her choice to accept or reject the offer.
While i realize she now has a life of her own and i'm very happy shes happy with it ,is it too much to ask that once in a while she remembers Mom and Dad and returns a bit of the love we gave her for most of her life.
We arent forcing her to take the car we are offering it to her as a convenience over an hour and a half on public transit its her choice to accept or reject the offer.
While i realize she now has a life of her own and i'm very happy shes happy with it ,is it too much to ask that once in a while she remembers Mom and Dad and returns a bit of the love we gave her for most of her life.
Nobody is saying you are forcing her to take the car, but are you maybe using it as a way of making sure she stays in contact of some sort? Do you feel like she would come over at all if the car wasn't an incentive for her?
The use of the car shouldn't be the main issue, but it feels like it's being used that way.
I think what I'm trying to say is that the only relationship you seem to have with your daughter is based on the car, and that you would rather have that unsatisfying relationship than chance no relationship at all. I think you should make it not about the car, take a chance and see where the relationship stands without that connection and go from there.
She sees us twice a week for less than a minute. As an example tomorrow i have to get some blood tests done at the hospital Wife and i are then going out for breakfast at a restaurant right across the street from her apartment,we asked her to join us at about 8;30 her response was its too early.
I wonder if some of the responders to this topic actually have kids as in my case i've loved these kids for 20+years now all of a sudden i am expected to say goodby to the kids and stop loving them because they've moved away from home and got jobs? sorry but im not wired that way.
My kids are all 20 somethings. I don't expect( and certainly don't require) to see them often, and look upon it as a pleasant surprise when I do. They are adults, living their own lives. I'm an adult, living mine. I haven't stopped loving them, and I haven't said goodbye to them. I am merely recognizing that they have jobs, SOs, and friends that keep them busy.
She sees us twice a week for less than a minute. As an example tomorrow i have to get some blood tests done at the hospital Wife and i are then going out for breakfast at a restaurant right across the street from her apartment,we asked her to join us at about 8;30 her response was its too early.
I wonder if some of the responders to this topic actually have kids as in my case i've loved these kids for 20+years now all of a sudden i am expected to say goodby to the kids and stop loving them because they've moved away from home and got jobs? sorry but im not wired that way.
She certainly could take a few minutes to chat with you when she gets the car, but no one said you are expected to stop loving her. Stop being so dramatic.
Admittedly, I am at least 7 years away from having an empty nest, so I don't know what it feels like. I'm sure it is a difficult transition, but what did you think was going to happen? We have 18 years to mentally and emotionally prepare for this. I don't understand why some people get so forlorn over the normal progression of life. Not just you. There have been others lately.
She sees us twice a week for less than a minute. As an example tomorrow i have to get some blood tests done at the hospital Wife and i are then going out for breakfast at a restaurant right across the street from her apartment,we asked her to join us at about 8;30 her response was its too early.
I wonder if some of the responders to this topic actually have kids as in my case i've loved these kids for 20+years now all of a sudden i am expected to say goodby to the kids and stop loving them because they've moved away from home and got jobs? sorry but im not wired that way.
You don't have to stop loving them. You just need to let go. You raise kids with the goal of them leaving the nest. I'm betting when she is a little older she will come around but for now you need to not harass her about spending time with you.
I mentioned it in another post, but it was REALLY stressful to me when my dad kept complaining that I wasn't spending enough time with them. I loved them with all my heart, but I was so busy with my own life. Him trying to make me feel bad didn't make me want to spend more time with them; it made spending time with them feel like an obligation.
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