Why do people think SAHMs will babysit (activities, college, friend)
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I felt the same way about play dates too. Just a ton of work. If the mom stayed it was ok because she could watch her kids and we could talk. But if she wasn't there it was just like babysitting. For free.
I prefer it if the mom can stay for chit chat and she's interested in friendship; not just free childcare. We don't have to become BFFs but I like to get to know other parents.
I prefer it if the mom can stay for chit chat and she's interested in friendship; not just free childcare. We don't have to become BFFs but I like to get to know other parents.
Not to side track but have you had it happen where they come over to visit and have a play date and then they try to talk you into hosting a "party" for them (like candles, or what ever marketing scheme they are part of) or ordering something from them. Ugh, it feels so slimy. And if you say no, you never hear from them again. *gag*
Not to side track but have you had it happen where they come over to visit and have a play date and then they try to talk you into hosting a "party" for them (like candles, or what ever marketing scheme they are part of) or ordering something from them. Ugh, it feels so slimy. And if you say no, you never hear from them again. *gag*
Hasn't happened to me personally, but I know lots of other parents it's happened to when they were just trying to get to know the other parents.
I used to participate in a woman's bible study group, years ago, and this stuff started going on. I left the group. It became all about greed. I just cleaned out my garage recently and tossed out all these old Mary Kay brochures, Avon catalogs, etc. I have nothing against buying these things, but was never interested in joining at all.
In my experience as a SAHM there were people who tried it and as soon as I said no, they didn't try it again. They were the kind of people I didn't hear much from unless they needed something from me or wanted to vent to me. If I wasn't doing something for them, I didn't hear from them. So those friendships didn't go far. But I saw them successfully using other SAHMs who had trouble saying no.
Then there were other moms (usually SAHMs) who we would help each other out with a variety of things, child care included. But it wasn't a common thing. It was like if someone in the family was having surgery or the sitter bailed at the last minute and there was a doctors appt. When the kids were younger, I really didn't like watching more kids. I know some people don't mind it but it got me out of my flow and threw a wrench in my day. Even now, I once in a while watch a friend's baby and an hour feels like 4 or 5.
With my kids older (11 and 12), I don't really mind their friends coming over. They keep them busy and they have fun and I don't have to hear "moooooom I'm bored" every 30 seconds. But I do find I invite my kid's friends over way more often the working moms. I figure they need to use their weekends for errands and stuff more then I do. For me, weekends feel more like down time then I think they would if I was working. And if I was working, I might want more quiet time. So it works out, I think.
If someone was asking me to watch their kids a lot because I was "just a SAHM", I would be highly annoyed.
This post is very accurate. Now that I'm working again, I don't get the repeated requests to watch other's kids. I do, however, get an occasional request to keep kids late after school and to tutor them for free.
SAHMs and "society" as you phrased it, when you tried to generalize your personal experience with a handful of people to how SAHMS were viewed by "society". I can refresh your memory if that would help.
Do you think the words "generalize" and "persecuted" mean the same thing? Do you think that only racism and sexism are the only things that can be generalized? Anyway, the above is an example of the generalization that, IME, leads to so many problems in society. If nothing else it stirs up the "mommy wars", which can be called "mommyism" if it makes you feel better.
I do think there are misconceptions about being a SAHP, especially if it is a male staying home. I have been both a SAHM and a working mom and I can definitely feel a difference in how people treat me. This is only an anecdotal account, but I do think it is a general attitude in a society where the majority of parents both work.
Not to side track but have you had it happen where they come over to visit and have a play date and then they try to talk you into hosting a "party" for them (like candles, or what ever marketing scheme they are part of) or ordering something from them. Ugh, it feels so slimy. And if you say no, you never hear from them again. *gag*
I've had a version of this happen a couple of times. One mom we knew through girl scouts. She sold one of the multi level marketing products. I avoided that part. Then she had a party where we were to bring in our broken gold jewelry and someone would buy it from us. No. Thank you.
Another mom had a daughter in my daughter's pre-K class. We exchanged email addresses under the pretense of getting the kids together. She emailed me to offer her husband's services to help us invest our money. I told her we didn't need help.
Not to side track but have you had it happen where they come over to visit and have a play date and then they try to talk you into hosting a "party" for them (like candles, or what ever marketing scheme they are part of) or ordering something from them. Ugh, it feels so slimy. And if you say no, you never hear from them again. *gag*
Yes, I had this happen a few times. A bunch of moms would wait to walk their kids home from school and I got to know one mom. Soon I was invited over for a "free facial". When I said no, she pressured me several times. When I didn't cave she stopped talking to me at school. I had a friend who got sucked into selling Mary Kay and her "supervisor" gave talks on how to find buyers. She told them to go to a place like Hobby Lobby and look for a mom with little kids who looked lonely and compliment her on her appearance. Then they were to invite them for a free makeover, etc. I found that to be really manipulative and sad. And since then I have a bad taste in my mouth for anyone who feigns friendship for the sake of making a buck.
Yes, I had this happen a few times. A bunch of moms would wait to walk their kids home from school and I got to know one mom. Soon I was invited over for a "free facial". When I said no, she pressured me several times. When I didn't cave she stopped talking to me at school. I had a friend who got sucked into selling Mary Kay and her "supervisor" gave talks on how to find buyers. She told them to go to a place like Hobby Lobby and look for a mom with little kids who looked lonely and compliment her on her appearance. Then they were to invite them for a free makeover, etc. I found that to be really manipulative and sad. And since then I have a bad taste in my mouth for anyone who feigns friendship for the sake of making a buck.
Yes, it's sad they can't be friends just for the sake of friendship itself.
When my son was in grades K-3, I was always surprised by the number of parents who would drop his friends off for a playdate and just leave. These parents didn't know me or my husband from Adam. Had no clue what the inside of our home looked like, nothing. Just drop them off for hours at a time.
When my son was in grades K-3, I was always surprised by the number of parents who would drop his friends off for a playdate and just leave. These parents didn't know me or my husband from Adam. Had no clue what the inside of our home looked like, nothing. Just drop them off for hours at a time.
FREE BABYSITTING...
k-3... crazy... I never left my kids alone with someone i didn't have a fairly close relationship with at that age... I still don't just drop them off (middle school aged now) at someones house i have never even met.. i will at least meet the parents first.. that's crazy.
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Anyway, the above is an example of the generalization that, IME, leads to so many problems in society. If nothing else it stirs up the "mommy wars", which can be called "mommyism" if it makes you feel better.
