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Time-out should be used as a consequence for breaking a rule. Any consequence you use needs to allow the child to problem solve. It would need to be modeled beforehand so she knows what to do. The consequence doesn't count if not done correctly.
It was mentioned that saying no is discouraged in Norway. The reason "no" is not a good consequence (because that is what it is) is that it doesn't allow the child to problem solve. It can be used as a warning that will lead into progressive consequences but I don't use it for that. It is part of my 1st rule, "listen and follow directions."
Time out chairs actually work amazingly well if used properly. She is getting attention every time she misbehaves. Sitting her on your lap is doing nothing more than giving her your undivided attention when she misbehaves. That's exactly what she's looking for. So that is probably making it worse.
Put her in a chair or place (step, whatever) that isn't near anyone or thing. When she does something, give her one warning. If she does it again, DO NOT SAY A WORD OR EVEN LOOK HER IN THE EYE. Just take her, place her in the spot and walk away. She may scream, she may get right back up. If she screams, ignore her. If she gets up, just take her an put her back - without talking to her or even looking at her. Do this until she sits for 2 minutes, one minute for each year of age. Every time she gets up, the clock starts again. When the time is up, get down on her level, look her in the eye, and say, "You had to go to time out because you...You may not do...because it..." Then give her a hug and tell you love her and she may go play.
It may be hell the first few times. It may take an hour to get her to sit for 2 minutes. But once she realizes you are not going to cave, time outs will go much more smoothly and become less frequent. The key is to NOT GIVE HER THE ATTENTION SHE IS SEEKING. The real punishment isn't sitting, it's the lack of attention.
And because I know someone is going to tell me I don't know anything - I raised 2 kids, taught preschool for 8 years, and got my Child Development degree from Texas State University.
Agree with your post. I have a daughter who was the worst child imaginable when it came to destructive behaviors. We tried everything, from the basics to the extreme with counseling, medication, and finally her mother put her in an institution. To this day I don't know the answer, but I do know that with this child the only thing that worked was aggressive out of doors exercise and "experiences". A day on the most challenging ski slopes, for example, induced the best behavior and most delightful times with my daughter.
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Originally Posted by Camlon
I bet that would work well, but I would feel awful turning a happy child into a crying mess by depriving her of attention for two minutes. At least it must be for something very serious.
I am happy with my way, hold her tight, look her into the eyes and say it is wrong. She definitely does not think that is funny. It was my wife who wanted to use timeout, because she cannot pin her down.I will tell my wife so that she can decide if she wants to do it or not.
As mentioned above, there are just some children for whom nothing works. And I mean NOTHING. In those cases, you just do what you have to do to maintain some sense of family and a (warm/any) relationship with the child.
As a postscript, I was certain my daughter would end up in jail for killing someone, or would end up dead from pizzing off someone so seriously that she would be killed.
It didn't happen like that at all: She is just finishing her third year of medical school (*with highest honors and accolades) !
If she does something wrong, I normally I just hold her stuck on my lap till she apologizes and realizes what she did is wrong. However, my wife think is too difficult to pin her down and wanted to try the chair timeout after she had hit grandma, said it was funny and refused to apologize.
So I put the chair out, placed her in and whenever she tried to move I put her back. She did not exactly get upset, just tried to get away once in a while and eventually apologized. 5 minutes later she came back and hit grandma again, then she dragged out the chair and sat down to be punished. Even when she accidently hit me with her elbow, she dragged out the chair to be punished. We just ended up laughing.
She is a quite nice kid, so it does not matter. But, did I do the timeout chair wrong? How did it work out for you?
How do you expect a child that young to even understand what time out is? Get real.
I bet that would work well, but I would feel awful turning a happy child into a crying mess by depriving her of attention for two minutes.
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