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Thankfully, my wife is a homemaker and has done an amazing job raising our kids
Yes, it has gone out of fashion
I think because both parents work and the kids are not going to make themselves do chores
Hm. I think it has more to do with priorities and values than it does with whether both parents work. Observing friends and family, it runs the gamut of:
At-home parent did does everything and the children don’t lift a finger, because housework is seen as “her job”
At-home parent who has some level of domestic help, so the children have minimal responsibility
At-home parent whose home is generally a messy, disorganized disaster
At-home parent like your wife, who teaches and expect the children to contribute to the upkeep of the house
Working parents who do everything and the children don’t lift a finger (even though, ironically, they learn at daycare and preschool to pitch in and clean up)
Working parents who have some level of domestic help, so the children have minimal responsibility
Working parents whose home is generally a messy, disorganized disaster
Working parents who, like your wife, teach and expect the children to contribute to the upkeep of the house
The last is the most common dynamic that I see once the children get old enough, because parents simply cannot do it all and, quiet frankly, working does not abdicate the responsibility to teach your children to contribute to the household.
There seems to be a big problem around my area with parents thinking their kids shouldn’t have to do anything for themselves - parents do all the housework, keep the kids schedules for them, fill out their college applications, refuse to let them get jobs etc.
It’s not about whether or not the parents work. The trend has become to be the ‘perfect parent’ with the definition being your kid gets everything and has to do nothing. We also have the other ‘perfect homekeeper’ definition which is everything has to be a certain way and they can’t risk having their child mess it up, so they do literally everything themselves.
I was brought up to do chores. We set the table and cleared it. I had several siblings and we rotated on what days we loaded the dishwasher. My mother cooked.
On Saturdays, we cleaned our rooms. We all knew how to do the laundry. When I went away to college, I was totally shocked by how many friends had never done this. We had a housekeeper, a few times a week, but someone vacuumed every day, and it was not my mom.
We knew how to clean a bathroom, dust, and generally straighten up a room.
My kids were raised the same way.
What are your opinions? In no way do I think that this is child abuse. I think these are life skils a and part of being a family.
I wouldn't say its out of fashion but what it looks like has changed. In this day of efficient appliances and wireless controlled everything chores just don't look like they used to. Washing dishes by hand wastes water- for instance, and most people have dishwashers. The chore now is loading/ unloading the dishwasher ( which takes what 10 minutes?). I cant remember the last time I saw anyone trust their lawn to a kid, theirs or someone else's. Many of the teenagers and pre-teens in my area are so busy with extra curricular activities, even on weekends, that i cant imagine them coming back home at 8pm to vacuum anything. They are mostly responsible for their rooms however.
That said, my elementary school age kids have been taught to wash dishes, by hand and in the washer, vacuum, mop, take out the trash, and clean the bathroom and toilets and cook simple dishes (eggs, pasta and meatballs, grilled cheese, frozen foods, pastries from a box). I can definitely say however, that among their school friends, that is not the norm.
I will say that while i believe in giving children chores (I call them life skills), children do not exist to perform labor for their parents. I don't believe that a parent should be sitting by while his/her children mop and clean and straighten up simply because he/she made dinner. Unless the kids are being punished for something, labor in the home should be divided equitably.
I think the "fashion" part is that more middle class (and higher class) people have assistance with housecleaning chores - so kids might not have to clean bathrooms, mop floors, dust, etc.
Oh, and parents spoil their kids more nowadays, so they probably aren't required to do as much as past generations had to do.
As an aside, the person who cleaned my house yesterday - a Mexican woman, told me that she loved to read as a child in Mexico, and was punished for it because her mom wanted her cooking, cleaning, and crocheting.
She wanted to go to beauty school and her mom said she wanted her to stay home and help out and learn all of the home keeping skills.
It's not "out of fashion" at my house. I was raised with the expectation that everyone was supposed to help out around the house. We all had chores when I was growing up. So I passed on these beliefs to my own family.
In my house, all the kids have chores. I want them to learn basic life skills, so they help with sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, dusting, bed making, doing laundry, ironing, cleaning the bathroom, cooking, doing dishes, wiping surfaces, gardening, blowing leaves, etc. Even though we usually have weekly help, I would always insist that they do these things so that they can take care of themselves and know how to maintain a home.
This pandemic has brought out the importance of the skills the children have learned. Since the beginning of the pandemic, we've had no outside cleaning service. However, the kids have stepped up and help with all the housework. They are always monitoring one another to make sure that everyone cleans up after themselves. This is great because they have accountability without me always having to be the enforcer.
They now enjoy cooking so much that every Saturday, they insist on making a big breakfast or dinner (pancakes, eggs; hamburgers, baked chicken & mashed potatoes, spaghetti & meatballs, stuffed shells, etc. I love it.
It took years of struggling with them everyday to get to this point. It was worth it.
There seems to be a big problem around my area with parents thinking their kids shouldn’t have to do anything for themselves - parents do all the housework, keep the kids schedules for them, fill out their college applications, refuse to let them get jobs etc.
It’s not about whether or not the parents work. The trend has become to be the ‘perfect parent’ with the definition being your kid gets everything and has to do nothing. We also have the other ‘perfect homekeeper’ definition which is everything has to be a certain way and they can’t risk having their child mess it up, so they do literally everything themselves.
Totally agree. People we know that are like this were not happy as the kids grew up. Those kids don't know how to problem solve, function in society and socialize. I feel bad for kids with parents like that. Almost seems that those types of parents are sabotaging their kids and really don't want them to leave the nest.
I don't push chores on my kids, but do ask them to help occasionally.
Since they were old enough to see the top of the washing machine to press the buttons (around 8 years old), they were responsible for their own laundry. They have to clear their dirty dishes after a meal. They have to keep their rooms clean and vacuum them. My daughter has additional duties related to her cat (feeding it, cleaning out the litter). Sometimes one of them may volunteer to mow the yard.
The only time I make them do other stuff is when we are taking a few hours to do a whole house deep clean. At that point they help with mopping the kitchen floor, vacuuming the whole house, dusting, and cleaning their bathroom from top to bottom.
The only thing for which they get paid is mowing the lawn.
my house while growing up we had washer / dryer / dishwasher all the modern stuff but guess what? we kids still had chores . Someone had to fold laundry , put dinner on the table , set the table and load and unload the dishwasher . Someone had to sweep and straighten the covers on the furniture (this was usually my mothers job she liked doing that one . I cleaned the bathrooms and they had better sparkle . I taught my kids the same way and their mates told me they could not believe that they could clean so well . My late brothers wife was lazy and she did not lift a finger just like her mother . Their house was always filthy so if you want your kids to grow up and live like pigs dont teach them chores .
Their house was always filthy so if you want your kids to grow up and live like pigs dont teach them chores .
The correlation there is weak. My parents spent a lot of time teaching me the value of doing chores---too much, I think---and my apartment is really messy. I only clear when I feel like it, when company is coming over (which was "not at all" in the last few months), or when it just gets too damn dirty.
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