U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-06-2020, 07:27 PM
 
8,897 posts, read 4,767,714 times
Reputation: 19089

Advertisements

The kid took grandpa's stuff. Regardless of what the food dynamic is in that home the message must be that you don't take something that doesn't belong to you. Maybe grandma's diamond ring is next, or Dad's truck; give her a few years.

She has to apologize face to face, not hiding behind a note or card. And no snacks at all for a couple of weeks. (Hand slapping is not a deterrent.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-07-2020, 01:11 AM
 
8,287 posts, read 4,648,955 times
Reputation: 17383
I was one of 5 kids. I stole a bit & lied when I was really little. I didn't steal from people. I'd get a chair to reach good stuff Mom had hidden on top of the fridge or whatever. I'd write on the wall and then lie & say wasn't me, when Mom asked. (Of course she knew it was me...what I had written was my name!)

By the time I was in 1st or 2nd grade, I was totally cured and so honest that I'd cry if I lied on impulse. I lied about my age when the teacher asked because I was younger than the others and didn't want to be different. I was crying all the way home and almost hysterical when I got home, because I'd lied to a teacher. I told Mom in a dramatic way. I couldn't imagine all the horrible things that would surely happen to me because I'd lied to a teacher!

I don't know what my mother did to cure me, or if it just happened. It's possible she just called me on it every time, until I realized I wasn't good enough to get away with those things. She didn't let it slide or think it was cute. And I had to clean off when I wrote on the walls and floors.

But I don't think stealing from grandpa is something that most kids do. I would never have done that, no matter how much I wanted those chips. It has something to do with crossing the line & disrespecting your elders, not recognizing who's the boss, and such. I'd nip that in the bud fast. That's odd for a child to steal from an adult and not expect repurcussion bad enough to overcome the wanting of the adult's stuff. Or not to recognize the difference between adults and kids and who's who and what's what. I think I'd address that part of the issue...in a subtle way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-07-2020, 01:36 AM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
10,611 posts, read 3,760,135 times
Reputation: 15881
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
We did the same as ^^, but it wasn't so much portion control as consideration for others. We never ate a whole bag of something, because we were told it was everyone's and we need to share. If you eat too much, then you aren't thinking of others. In a family with 5 kids as we had, sharing was a big deal, and money was pretty scarce, so that bag of chips might not be replaced until next payday, so share and be nice to your sibs or next time you get none. Mom was also really good on following through. If she said next time you get none, she meant it. We learned quickly how to share.

I was lucky, as there was never any kind of junk food in our house. So I grew up without developing a craving for it or having bad eating habits. I've saved a lot of money over the years and I'm sure I'm healthier because of that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-07-2020, 10:22 AM
 
14,632 posts, read 14,538,158 times
Reputation: 10370
i like the part about apologizing and making a nice card and replacing the bag with her allowance.
that will go a long way towards teaching what you want her to learn
kids act like kids, they are going to do things like that
your response is important


when my son was about 4 or so in the drive through window getting fast food he said loudly "that lady is fat" and she heard him of course over the speaker. So we had a talk in the car in the parking lot about how that hurt her feelings, and we don't hurt people's feelings and he was nearly in tears just from that. Then (just like in the family) he was required to apologize in person. So we went into the fast food place, went to her line, and (me holding him up so she could see him) he apologized to her.

that is what made the impression. and a few years later (this is what really amazed me) i heard him lecturing his little brothers about not saying mean things that hurt people's feelings. And (get this i love it) "if you do you have to go into the store and apologize"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-07-2020, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,514 posts, read 19,325,786 times
Reputation: 46478
Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
The kid took grandpa's stuff. Regardless of what the food dynamic is in that home the message must be that you don't take something that doesn't belong to you. Maybe grandma's diamond ring is next, or Dad's truck; give her a few years.

She has to apologize face to face, not hiding behind a note or card. And no snacks at all for a couple of weeks. (Hand slapping is not a deterrent.)
Sheesh! I don't think that eating Cheetos is like a "gateway drug" that will lead to felony arrests in her future.

It was never very clear where the bag of Cheetos was located.
IMH0, there would be a huge difference between "Grandpa's Cheetos" being stored in his closet in his bedroom vs. on a shelf in the kitchen that was open and available to all family members or sitting on the living room coffee table. If the Cheetos were located in the kitchen or other communal area were they labeled with Grandpa's name? How did the little girl know that they were Grandpa's Cheetos and not Cheetos that were available for anyone to eat?

Perhaps, my family is different, but unless there is a special reason (like it was a gift for your birthday or it is a dessert for the church bake sale), or special labels with your name (maybe for an expensive food that you bought and want to save for a special occasion - like a vintage bottle of wine), or kept in special private places (that are known as being private places- such as the night stand in your bedroom) in my family, even my extended family, all food is communal food.

Last edited by germaine2626; 06-07-2020 at 11:51 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-07-2020, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Avignon, France
8,740 posts, read 4,829,141 times
Reputation: 21754
Alls fair in love and Cheetos!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-07-2020, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Frisco, TX
1,818 posts, read 877,683 times
Reputation: 2902
OP, when you buy her snacks or treats, do you keep them in the pantry, or do you let your daughter take them to her room?

I would be more worried about the lying. She obviously knows what she did is wrong and is trying to cover it up.

I think everyone goes through a phase when they find a food that they really like and will go to great lengths to get as much of it as possible.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-07-2020, 03:24 PM
 
9,000 posts, read 4,641,025 times
Reputation: 18247
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccernerd View Post
OP, when you buy her snacks or treats, do you keep them in the pantry, or do you let your daughter take them to her room?

I would be more worried about the lying. She obviously knows what she did is wrong and is trying to cover it up.

I think everyone goes through a phase when they find a food that they really like and will go to great lengths to get as much of it as possible.

I agree, and looking at our population seems to indicate the "phase" is lifelong for many.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-08-2020, 01:37 AM
 
8,897 posts, read 4,767,714 times
Reputation: 19089
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Sheesh! I don't think that eating Cheetos is like a "gateway drug" that will lead to felony arrests in her future.

It was never very clear where the bag of Cheetos was located.
IMH0, there would be a huge difference between "Grandpa's Cheetos" being stored in his closet in his bedroom vs. on a shelf in the kitchen that was open and available to all family members or sitting on the living room coffee table. If the Cheetos were located in the kitchen or other communal area were they labeled with Grandpa's name? How did the little girl know that they were Grandpa's Cheetos and not Cheetos that were available for anyone to eat?

Perhaps, my family is different, but unless there is a special reason (like it was a gift for your birthday or it is a dessert for the church bake sale), or special labels with your name (maybe for an expensive food that you bought and want to save for a special occasion - like a vintage bottle of wine), or kept in special private places (that are known as being private places- such as the night stand in your bedroom) in my family, even my extended family, all food is communal food.
Apparently you missed the part where I said it wasn't about the food dynamic in the family because you went there anyway. The one thing I did say is that the main message needs to be about taking things that belong to someone else. That is simply not acceptable and that is the message that must be the takeaway from this event. Whatever you think about a "gateway drug" is up to you; we can teach people that stealing is okay or that it is not. The morality is the same even if the value may differ.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-09-2020, 09:20 AM
 
13,104 posts, read 16,346,124 times
Reputation: 15399
Quote:
Originally Posted by ae915 View Post
So my child stole her grandpas cheetos.Then my husband passed by her room and she was hiding the bag of chips.We asked her why she did it she said she wanted chips. I was very upset and embarrassed because her grandmother was actually very upset over the chips. I did slap her hands for stealing. I had a very long conversation with her about honesty and dignity even as she was being scolded she didnt cry. I actually felt horrible she looked hurt but she held it in. Im not sure if what i did was right. We also just had a baby he is 6 months old im not sure if this has anything to do with her stealing. We find ourselves constantly having character concerns with her. Thank you for reading and im open for constructive criticism only.
sometimes a child will act out to garnish attention..especially when there's a new baby in the family.
I wouldn't be too concerned..the talk you had with her should suffice..I wouldn't make too big a deal out of it...why turn a molehill into a mountain.
Most children sneak foods occasionally....no child is perfect.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top