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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,631 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50655
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe
It doesn't sound that unusual. When my dad was alive, he'd forget he had something, so it would sit there untouched for awhile. But even then, from when she was 4yo, my eldest knew she should ask first. It never hurts to ask. My dad a lot of times would be surprised that it was there but happily shared. Bugles was their thing, lol.
Right. I get that.
But what I don't get is, why was that your dad's food, and not just "food"? Why did the food in the cabinet belong to one person in the household?
(I'm asking sincerely. I can see that if someone's on a very strict diet, say the BRAT diet, and someone else comes up and eats up all the bananas and apple sauce, that would pose an inconvenience. I don't know why all the cheetos in the house belonged to that one person, is what I'm curious about.)
So my child stole her grandpas cheetos.We went to sams and bought two family size bags. One for her and one for her granpa. She is a healthy child she is not overweight. We don't really allow her to eat junk food. Since the lockdown and school closures we have been more lenient. Maybe too much. We had an issue in school where she was pressured by her friend to steal their teachers candy. She was caught and her punishment was to sit alone in class for almost the whole month. It was also because she distracted her classmates. So back to the cheetos. Earlier we went to the store she grabbed a bag of cheetos then she said nvm ill get gum. Later the same day her grandmother asked if i had seen her husband bag of chips. I said no i figured it must ñf been misplaced. I did suspect my daughter but i gave her the benefit of the doubt. We asked her she said no it wasn't me i havent seen them. Okay i believed her. Then my husband passed by her room and she was hiding the bag of chips.We asked her why she did it she said she wanted chips. I was very upset and embarrassed because her grandmother was actually very upset over the chips. I did slap her hands for stealing. I had a very long conversation with her about honesty and dignity even as she was being scolded she didnt cry. I actually felt horrible she looked hurt but she held it in. Im not sure if what i did was right. We also just had a baby he is 6 months old im not sure if this has anything to do with her stealing. We find ourselves constantly having character concerns with her. Thank you for reading and im open for constructive criticism only.
First of all, she's 8. She REALLY wants that junk food, and she's had only limited access to it. So she stole what she wanted, and lied about it.
I think that if she had more access to junk food, it wouldn't be so special to her. Kids who live in houses where they can get a bag of chips, or a treat whenever they want it, eventually tend to self-regulate, and it's not so exciting for them. As for stealing, the answer is not punishment. For a thief, you give them the opportunity to work and earn money to buy what they want.
So, here is how you solve the problem. You sit down with her and explain that there are consequences out in the world for stealing, and that the way you get things you want, is that you earn money, and buy them for yourself. So I strongly suggest you find chores around the house for her to do, and PAY her for doing them, and allow her to spend her own money (every penny of it, if that's what she wants) on junk food. And don't make it ridiculously low amounts, like paying her a quarter to empty the dishwasher - she should be able to earn I would say about $5 for an hour of decent work - like a dollar to empty the dishwasher, $5 to vacuum an amount that you think is enough - maybe a thousand square feet? And so on. Things that she can do, that mean that you don't have to, and of course you realize it's going to be an 8 yr old's level of quality on the work. But that way, she could earn some money, and when you go to the store, you also teach her how to get more for her money by buying on sale, or in bulk, but SHE gets to choose what SHE wants to buy, sinc it is her own money. Lots of potential for math lessons, life lessons, housework lessons, etc. She will feel empowered, in control. She will realize that she can get what she wants by working and earning the money for it, rather than stealing.
Sorry about that we went to sams on friday of last week and she ate the whole thing of cheetos. Yesterday we went to safeway and she was picking a snack she decided on gum instead. Her grandpa had not opened his bag of cheetos the one we got at sams.
The key with any kid and discipline is to hit em' where it hurts. (figuratively)
That's the main problem with discipline, if you slap my hand, or take away my internet or my phone or don't let me play my guitar.....whatever it is needs to be something that really impacts them.
If you start having repeated issues of not learning the lesson then consider that whatever punishment you dole out is not having the desired effect.
I've seen kids who have an over lenient parental situation where the parent wants to punish but doesn't want to upset the kid (or some other dynamic going on) so they put a punishment in place but it's not really something that bothers the kid.
So my child stole her grandpas cheetos.We went to sams and bought two family size bags. One for her and one for her granpa. She is a healthy child she is not overweight. We don't really allow her to eat junk food. Since the lockdown and school closures we have been more lenient. Maybe too much. We had an issue in school where she was pressured by her friend to steal their teachers candy. She was caught and her punishment was to sit alone in class for almost the whole month. It was also because she distracted her classmates. So back to the cheetos. Earlier we went to the store she grabbed a bag of cheetos then she said nvm ill get gum. Later the same day her grandmother asked if i had seen her husband bag of chips. I said no i figured it must ñf been misplaced. I did suspect my daughter but i gave her the benefit of the doubt. We asked her she said no it wasn't me i havent seen them. Okay i believed her. Then my husband passed by her room and she was hiding the bag of chips.We asked her why she did it she said she wanted chips. I was very upset and embarrassed because her grandmother was actually very upset over the chips. I did slap her hands for stealing. I had a very long conversation with her about honesty and dignity even as she was being scolded she didnt cry. I actually felt horrible she looked hurt but she held it in. Im not sure if what i did was right. We also just had a baby he is 6 months old im not sure if this has anything to do with her stealing. We find ourselves constantly having character concerns with her. Thank you for reading and im open for constructive criticism only.
No, stealing Cheatos is ok. That is why they named them Cheatos. Now if she was stealing Doritos, I would be concerned.
That bag of cheetos sat there for 6 days and no one touched it - it's not surprising she wanted it, and took it.
Are a lot of your food purchases for just one individual? I don't think we ever had food in my house when my kids were that age that was for "grandpa" and no one else, that sat there untouched for 6 days and was still considered to be grandpas, although he apparently didn't want it.
We didn't either, but we also didn't expect one person to gobble down or hide a whole package of a particular food, especially a treat. However, by the norm of this particular family, the daughter stole something and lied about it to her parents about it.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,631 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50655
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist
First of all, she's 8. She REALLY wants that junk food, and she's had only limited access to it. So she stole what she wanted, and lied about it.
I think that if she had more access to junk food, it wouldn't be so special to her. Kids who live in houses where they can get a bag of chips, or a treat whenever they want it, eventually tend to self-regulate, and it's not so exciting for them. As for stealing, the answer is not punishment. For a thief, you give them the opportunity to work and earn money to buy what they want.
So, here is how you solve the problem. You sit down with her and explain that there are consequences out in the world for stealing, and that the way you get things you want, is that you earn money, and buy them for yourself. So I strongly suggest you find chores around the house for her to do, and PAY her for doing them, and allow her to spend her own money (every penny of it, if that's what she wants) on junk food. And don't make it ridiculously low amounts, like paying her a quarter to empty the dishwasher - she should be able to earn I would say about $5 for an hour of decent work - like a dollar to empty the dishwasher, $5 to vacuum an amount that you think is enough - maybe a thousand square feet? And so on. Things that she can do, that mean that you don't have to, and of course you realize it's going to be an 8 yr old's level of quality on the work. But that way, she could earn some money, and when you go to the store, you also teach her how to get more for her money by buying on sale, or in bulk, but SHE gets to choose what SHE wants to buy, sinc it is her own money. Lots of potential for math lessons, life lessons, housework lessons, etc. She will feel empowered, in control. She will realize that she can get what she wants by working and earning the money for it, rather than stealing.
I completely agree. That's how I raised my kids, and they self-regulated and none of them are heavy and didn't eat a lot of junk food.
If you have cheetos available, and also strawberries and chicken salad, or other healthy food they like, they'll self-limit the amount of cheetos they eat.
I've seen kids with restricted diets eat a shocking amount of junk food if they have the opportunity.
I have a basset hound, and they need attention. They don't discriminate - if being good isn't giving them the attention they need, they will get it by being bad. Any attention in a storm?
Perhaps your daughter is following the same reasoning as my basset hound. Im sure a 6 month old hogs most of your time, and gets everyone's attention over her. Everyone wants to see the baby! Maybe setting aside time for just you and your 8 year old to do things might help.
This doesn't strike me as that odd or surprising. A kid wants junk food, they know there's junk food in the house, they eat the junk food. Isn't it like a meme, the idea of a kid raiding the cookie jar or pantry? Kids like junk food; there's nothing surprising or nefarious in that. It also doesn't strike me as odd that sure, she wanted gum the other day, but today she wants Cheetos. I don't always want the same snack from day to day, do you? And it doesn't strike me as odd that a kid does something wrong, gets caught, and lies about it. That's also what kids do. I don't know why she didn't just ask if she could have some of the Cheetos rather than taking the whole bag, but maybe she figured either the answer would be "no" if she asked, or thought that the disappearance of the whole bag might be less noticeable than the bag being opened mysteriously?
I'm wondering a bit why Grandma was so distraught over this, though. Yes, it's disappointing when you find someone else has eaten your special treat (trust me, I've been there), but to be "very upset" over it? (When you're not even the person whose food has been eaten?)
The kid snuck some Cheetos, she didn't knock off a bank. Yes, she should be taught that you don't eat food that belongs to other people-- a life lesson she will find invaluable if she has roommates or works in an office some day; it's apparently something some people never did learn as kids-- but it's not the end of the world and it's not a major theft. Tell her it's wrong and you don't do that, have her replace the Cheetos, end of story.
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