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I didn't read all the posts so I don't know if anyone else mentioned it. It is a wee bit off topic......
I would have a talk with son that at no point would he be allowed to bring a girlfriend home to live. That I would support him (to a reasonable age) but that I would not take on the expense of another person in the house. I would also tell him I would be disappointed in him if he went to mooch off of a girlfriend's parents. It's amazing to me the number of parents that don't want the live in gf/bf but can't bring themselves to say NO. I would also explain how having an unplanned child would affect his chances at a good education and his financial future because I wouldn't be paying his child support or be a constant baby sitter. Of course this information would have started coming at him starting around 13. It doesn't mean they won't have sex, but if it can create a little more awareness of consequences, it might help with responsibility.
I didn't read all the posts so I don't know if anyone else mentioned it. It is a wee bit off topic......
I would have a talk with son that at no point would he be allowed to bring a girlfriend home to live. That I would support him (to a reasonable age) but that I would not take on the expense of another person in the house. I would also tell him I would be disappointed in him if he went to mooch off of a girlfriend's parents. It's amazing to me the number of parents that don't want the live in gf/bf but can't bring themselves to say NO.
I would also explain how having an unplanned child would affect his chances at a good education and his financial future because I wouldn't be paying his child support or be a constant baby sitter. Of course this information would have started coming at him starting around 13. It doesn't mean they won't have sex, but if it can create a little more awareness of consequences, it might help with responsibility.
FUNNIEST THING!! My 17 year old LITERALLY just asked me if he could have a sleep over with his girlfriend. I blurted out NO so fast I didnt let him finish the sentence!!! LOL
he says "why not?? what if her parents give her permission?" I responded, I dont care what her parents give HER permission to do, we arent having any sleepovers kid....
Not sure myself but a buddy of mine allowed it with his daughter. Note age 22 MOL right after college.
His reasoning. "She is warm safe and dry and living in a better neighborhood than she can afford on her own. No way I can stop her from sleeping with him and actually he is a great guy and treats her right."
I didn't read all the posts so I don't know if anyone else mentioned it. It is a wee bit off topic......
I would have a talk with son that at no point would he be allowed to bring a girlfriend home to live. That I would support him (to a reasonable age) but that I would not take on the expense of another person in the house. I would also tell him I would be disappointed in him if he went to mooch off of a girlfriend's parents. It's amazing to me the number of parents that don't want the live in gf/bf but can't bring themselves to say NO. I would also explain how having an unplanned child would affect his chances at a good education and his financial future because I wouldn't be paying his child support or be a constant baby sitter. Of course this information would have started coming at him starting around 13. It doesn't mean they won't have sex, but if it can create a little more awareness of consequences, it might help with responsibility.
My husband hasn’t had “the talk” yet with him but he will be. My husband is pretty laid back about stuff & is more of the mindset to let the kid make mistakes & learn from them & i’m of the mindset that if we can avoid certain mistakes lets do it. An accidental baby is a “huge mistake” for a teen to make if it’s not something they want & can properly care for.
My husband is more like “if he has a baby, its his life” ... im more like “lets avoid that as much as we can” ... i know if my stepson wants to have sex, he will regardless, but I don’t want to be the one enabling & making it easier for them to do so
Maybe you should have the talk with him.
I've had my grand since he was 12. We had the talk, then talked some more, and some more, then again when he started dating his current gf. He only had one gf before her.
Not sure myself but a buddy of mine allowed it with his daughter. Note age 22 MOL right after college.
His reasoning. "She is warm safe and dry and living in a better neighborhood than she can afford on her own. No way I can stop her from sleeping with him and actually he is a great guy and treats her right."
I would actually feel differently about it if the "young adults" in this instance were 22 and right out of college versus how old they actually are--17/18 and still in high school.
Also in your example, it sounds like this was an established relationship by the "great guy and treats her right" remark. In the OP's case, the teens in question have been going out for one month which kind of makes me feel like no harm would be done by the son being told his GF needs to make plans to visit him earlier in the day rather than plan to spend the night.
Have we heard yet what the girl's parents think? Maybe they'd rather come and pick her up late at night than ever have her sleep over. Maybe the kids are already having sex at their house with their knowledge. Maybe they told her that if she had premarital sex or became pregnant, they throw her out immediately. This stuff makes a big difference before the boy's parents make a unilateral decision and end up with an irate father on their doorstep at midnight or find the girl is now a permanent inhabitant of the boy's room.
Have we heard yet what the girl's parents think? Maybe they'd rather come and pick her up late at night than ever have her sleep over. Maybe the kids are already having sex at their house with their knowledge. Maybe they told her that if she had premarital sex or became pregnant, they throw her out immediately. This stuff makes a big difference before the boy's parents make a unilateral decision and end up with an irate father on their doorstep at midnight or find the girl is now a permanent inhabitant of the boy's room.
Great points.
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