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I have 5 kids and me and the wife push education and good grades above almost everything else. We understand an education whether it be college or trade school etc is the way to move up in life, whereas neither set of our parents really pushed education much, they just didn't care. I dropped out of school in 9th grade and my dad didn't care, eventually he told me to get my GED or get out of the house. I am now 35 and in college. They disagree with the way we raise our kids which is mostly letting them independent as far as their language, way they dress, things they are interested in as far as hobbies goes and being very strict on chores, school grade and attendance etc. My parents and my wife's were more of the opposite of the way we are.
I would mirror this with any children we may have, I have no reason to INSIST that someone go to college. There are several businesses within the family they would be more than welcome at, starting their own, or going to trade school, or a university if they wish.
I think my spouse and I mostly emulated our own upbringing in raising our children, who are now young adults. He and I were both raised in upper-middle class professional homes that placed a high value on education. We also had very loving and attentive parents, and I think our children would characterize us the same way. I was not particularly strict, and neither was their father. Our kids have always been responsible and self-directed people. As parents, we honestly had it pretty easy.
Last edited by abbottkd71; 08-25-2020 at 10:43 AM..
When I have kids I’ll be doing things much differently than my mom did with me and my brother.
She wasn’t focused enough on education and good grades and was more focused on controlling what I wore, my individuality etc.
I’ll have high expectations when it comes to staying out of trouble and doing well in school but if they want to wear all black and have pink hair, in my opinion that’s their body, their style. It’s not my place.
My biggest emphasis will be on being a good person who’s kind to others, being someone who takes their education and building themselves into well rounded individual seriously and the importance of staying out of trouble whether it be legal, getting knocked up, etc.
At this point in my life I don’t think babying, coddling or sheltering is useful.
I’ll be the parent who will educate my child on using protection vs grounding them for having sex.
They’ll be taught to be self-reliant, independent and mature.
“Keeping kids kids as long as possible” does nothing but hinder their growth in today’s society.
For the parents who severely limit sugar and junk food in their kids, what is the desired outcome? Do you think they’ll grow up to be better people? Eventually they will find their way to the foods they want to eat. I certainly believe in a healthy diet and everything in moderation but the 0 sugar/junk food thing doesn’t seem all that healthy either. I recall my aunt doing this to her kids and they just overindulged whenever they went to someone else’s house or a party. They went on to be heavy teenagers then became obsessed with working out in their 20s to the point where one had an eating disorder.
For the parents who severely limit sugar and junk food in their kids, what is the desired outcome? Do you think they’ll grow up to be better people? Eventually they will find their way to the foods they want to eat. I certainly believe in a healthy diet and everything in moderation but the 0 sugar/junk food thing doesn’t seem all that healthy either. I recall my aunt doing this to her kids and they just overindulged whenever they went to someone else’s house or a party. They went on to be heavy teenagers then became obsessed with working out in their 20s to the point where one had an eating disorder.
Yeah I’m my opinion it’s best to teach that moderation is key.
If you don’t teach them early on how to have a balanced diet and only restrict then they’ll never learn and will have issues as adults.
Granted I grew up in a household that had a lot of junk food like Doritos and tostinos pizzas, gushers, chips, soda etc and now as an adult when I want a snack I usually go for veggings and ranch dip or make actual food.
Yeah there needs to be a happy medium. I know of a family where the kids are all overweight and the parents are too. I normally see them at the beach and they are things like Cheetos and chips. Hard to understand why.
I've only had one child, but I think it's fair to say that I raised "Hayley" differently than my mom was with my siblings and I.
I do have to give my mom credit for being able to work full-time and be a single parent to three kids, this being after our father was killed in a car accident. At the same time, I feel that Mom was very sheltering and protective, and she wasn't good at allowing/teaching/expecting me to make my own choices and function independently.
Let's just say that none of that did me any favours once I got into my teens, and I did my best NOT to be that kind of parent with Hayley.
I have 5 kids and me and the wife push education and good grades above almost everything else. We understand an education whether it be college or trade school etc is the way to move up in life, whereas neither set of our parents really pushed education much, they just didn't care. I dropped out of school in 9th grade and my dad didn't care, eventually he told me to get my GED or get out of the house. I am now 35 and in college. They disagree with the way we raise our kids which is mostly letting them independent as far as their language, way they dress, things they are interested in as far as hobbies goes and being very strict on chores, school grade and attendance etc. My parents and my wife's were more of the opposite of the way we are.
You and you’re wife are on the right track to raising kids. Your parents were douchebags. Ts nice to see parents take a active role in their kids success
I have 5 kids and me and the wife push education and good grades above almost everything else. We understand an education whether it be college or trade school etc is the way to move up in life, whereas neither set of our parents really pushed education much, they just didn't care. I dropped out of school in 9th grade and my dad didn't care, eventually he told me to get my GED or get out of the house. I am now 35 and in college. They disagree with the way we raise our kids which is mostly letting them independent as far as their language, way they dress, things they are interested in as far as hobbies goes and being very strict on chores, school grade and attendance etc. My parents and my wife's were more of the opposite of the way we are.
When adult children are raising a family in a complete 180 from what their parents did is not entirely a good thing. If you look at it, it is using a dysfunctional parenting style as a point of reference for planning your own parenting style. What is bound to occur is young parents can unknowingly overcompensate in an effort to mitigate and give their children less of what they got from their own parents. You could take the good bits from your own parents and built on that all the while recognizing structure is what a child needs. School is part of that but letting them do pretty much whatever they want to is not. You could actually be damaging your kids being be poorly prepared to work and thrive on their own.
I have an example of my sister and her children.Her and I and our other sisters did not have hugs or praise when we were raised. We were put down. My sister has overcompensated with her own children and overprotected, fawned over them, and coddled them so much they do not know how to self-soothe, stand up for themselves, or leave home even now when they are in their late 20s.
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