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Old 02-08-2021, 08:30 AM
 
Location: The Mitten
835 posts, read 1,199,066 times
Reputation: 730

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My daughter and I got a job at a local grocery store on the weekends. We were work in the same department but different times of the day. The last couple of days, her day has ended in tears and wants to quit working for them.

My daughter is 16, she will be 17 in April. We have talked about it and she has told me it's mostly due to the customers at the store. She gets high extreme frustration and anxiety when they stand around in the isle and don't move, she has to stand and wait until they do.

I am OK that she wants to quit working there; she doesn't need to work right now and she is still in school. I wanted her to work and learn a little about life that happens outside. I am really concerned about the frustration and anxiety she has displayed while working, and what she told me afterward.

I wanted to ask the parenting forum if I should be concerned about this? I had a quick phone call with my mom and she told me it is her call if she wants to quit. While I agree, she didn't mention anything about my concern. I feel as a parent I should address this. My mom, however, was telling me it was me projecting, and it was how I would handle it.

I don't know what to do. I understand that people learn these experiences through life. I feel if I agree she should quit to never experience that again, she won't have any way to learn from it and will always want to quit if she has to deal with other people.
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Old 02-08-2021, 10:00 AM
 
13,751 posts, read 22,628,630 times
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Well, I agree with you. Once our kids accepted jobs, we expected them to deal with the responsibilities involved. None of them ever quit unless a better opportunity came up and then they gave proper notice and left on good terms.

I will say only one of them ever worked at a grocery store, and it was their least favorite job by far, so I can certainly understand your daughter's lack of enthusiasm. But I still think she should stick it out for a bit longer, the experience will count when she looks for something else.

Why in the world does she have to wait for people to move? Why can't she just say "excuse me" and continue on?
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Old 02-08-2021, 10:03 AM
 
1,812 posts, read 819,604 times
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Is her frustration and anxiety COVID-related? Because that is a very different ball of wax.
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Old 02-08-2021, 10:14 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
12,854 posts, read 16,388,466 times
Reputation: 31174
I say let her quit to find a new job, or ask to be moved to something that requires a little less patience, bagging maybe. At her age patience is something she's still learning, and having watched those instore shoppers, yeah, I think I'd get a little frustrated with that at times myself. Grocery shopping at some of the bigger stores has turned into a game of dodgem, and some customers seem entirely oblivious to those huge things the personal shoppers use that need to go by them.
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Old 02-08-2021, 11:31 AM
 
Location: The Mitten
835 posts, read 1,199,066 times
Reputation: 730
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Well, I agree with you. Once our kids accepted jobs, we expected them to deal with the responsibilities involved. None of them ever quit unless a better opportunity came up and then they gave proper notice and left on good terms.

I will say only one of them ever worked at a grocery store, and it was their least favorite job by far, so I can certainly understand your daughter's lack of enthusiasm. But I still think she should stick it out for a bit longer, the experience will count when she looks for something else.

Why in the world does she have to wait for people to move? Why can't she just say "excuse me" and continue on?
That was kind of how I was raised. I had my first job working with my dad. He would yell at me constantly, wrote me up for every little thing; most days I would come home crying because he yelled at me and I knew I wouldn't be able to please him. I can say it was the best experience I ever had, but I hated every minute of it and really just wanted to quit.

I have been working with her on trying to speak up. She has a really hard time talking to people when she needs to. This is why she doesn't say stuff like "excuse me" or "hey, coming up behind you".

It has been my experience that most kids (and some adults) want to block out the world. They put their headphones in and do not want to deal with people or things around them. I have seen adults bring in the noise canceling blue-tooth headphones and walk around the store. The younger generation will have their ear buds and tune-out the world.

At this point I am at a loss. She will write a two-weeks notice but she doesn't have any plans of starting a new job.
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Old 02-08-2021, 03:54 PM
 
1,391 posts, read 1,721,605 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mitopcat View Post
The last couple of days, her day has ended in tears and wants to quit working for them.

My daughter is 16, she will be 17 in April. We have talked about it and she has told me it's mostly due to the customers at the store. She gets high extreme frustration and anxiety when they stand around in the isle and don't move, she has to stand and wait until they do.

At this point I am at a loss. She will write a two-weeks notice but she doesn't have any plans of starting a new job.
I guess I might nudge her a little bit harder to try to stick this out because if social skills/communicating is an area that is tough for her (and will STILL be tough when it's time for her to get a full time professional job after graduation from high school or college) then your goal is to prepare her in baby steps.

What we have right now is the perfect opportunity for that. She's only working weekends. You're working at the same place, so a parent is nearby.

Can you talk about coping strategies? Maybe she straightens things on the shelves nearby for a few seconds until the people move? Maybe she politely says "Pardon me" or "Did you find everything you need?" Have her practice at home.
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Old 02-08-2021, 04:59 PM
 
9,300 posts, read 4,551,151 times
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Was this her choosing to go into this career? What was her expectation?
Bring about some open dialogue to her strength in work vs the challenges she perceives to hinder her job duties.

Being thrown to the wolves is NOT a good stepping stone for a young person to start gathering skills.

You don't strengthen a back by breaking it with criticism. (Not that the parent in this topic was doing that). Moreso that anyone who worked with a relative early on ,assumes the parents beratement was a positive.

I worked with my mom at 18. You bet I was treated to a ' no special treatment for you!!' I had to be twice as mindful . I didn't ever though feel that I couldn't express my challenges. She often gave professional tips when I needed guidance....just like any employee struggling.
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Old 02-08-2021, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Austin
14,270 posts, read 8,276,694 times
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I would be very concerned about her reactions if I was her mom.
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Old 02-08-2021, 07:39 PM
 
3,624 posts, read 1,278,593 times
Reputation: 9344
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
I guess I might nudge her a little bit harder to try to stick this out because if social skills/communicating is an area that is tough for her (and will STILL be tough when it's time for her to get a full time professional job after graduation from high school or college) then your goal is to prepare her in baby steps.

What we have right now is the perfect opportunity for that. She's only working weekends. You're working at the same place, so a parent is nearby.

Can you talk about coping strategies? Maybe she straightens things on the shelves nearby for a few seconds until the people move? Maybe she politely says "Pardon me" or "Did you find everything you need?" Have her practice at home.
This. Practice, practice, practice. Unfortunately, in "the real world" she is going to need to learn to speak to strangers. It's best to start now. Start where she needs to-- calling a business to ask what their hours are, making medical/car repair or other appointments on the phone, passing strangers in stores and on sidewalks and saying "excuse me" when she's with family, asking staff at a store or coffee shop about something on the menu, perhaps speaking to people briefly in public-- "that's a pretty shirt" or "what's your dog's name?", etc. She can't get to independent adulthood being paralyzed by speaking to people she doesn't know, or it's going to end badly in a lot of ways. It's not easy to be an introvert in an extrovert's world, but unfortunately most people don't have a choice, and social skills are absolutely something people should learn, even if they're a "late bloomer" and it's an uphill battle.
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Old 02-08-2021, 08:51 PM
 
12,626 posts, read 10,301,630 times
Reputation: 32896
Quote:
Originally Posted by mitopcat View Post
I have been working with her on trying to speak up. She has a really hard time talking to people when she needs to. This is why she doesn't say stuff like "excuse me" or "hey, coming up behind you".

It has been my experience that most kids (and some adults) want to block out the world. They put their headphones in and do not want to deal with people or things around them. I have seen adults bring in the noise canceling blue-tooth headphones and walk around the store. The younger generation will have their ear buds and tune-out the world.

At this point I am at a loss. She will write a two-weeks notice but she doesn't have any plans of starting a new job.
So you're going to allow her to ignore what seems to be a significant problem? She'll have to talk to people in life. Why not teach her that now?
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