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I read something recently - dang I wish I could remember what it is - that said the problems started when teens went from being producers/contributors for the family to being consumers.
From my own experience it's from parents believing that their children's only responsibility is doing well in school and being involved in numerous activities - ya know, building an impressive Kid Resume for college. Period. Nothing else. Parents base so much of their own self worth on how successful their children are as children and so the home is child-centered, child-focused. The focus is on their kids' outward success only.
I like how you said this.
Kids need, in some way, to contribute to family life (or in the community) at an appropriate level for their age/abilities.
IMO The sense of entitlement encompasses all socioeconomic groups. It isn't really about having material posessions, or lack there of. But more about a crumbling of the basics such as morals and values, compassion, respect, trust and honor. The concept of right and wrong has blurred into a gray haze where anything goes as long as you don't get caught, no one gets hurt, etc. This decay starts in the home and is spreading like wildfire.
Rome fell...America take heed.
I agree with you. This sense of entitlement cuts across all of the socioeconomic groups. I see it where I work each and every day. It's such a shame that so many parents are enablers and won't allow their children to experience negative consequences for their misdeeds.
To be honest, after reading some of these posts, I think I have failed at being a parent.
My son is 9, and he doesn`t really have any chores around the house.
Just yesterday, I told him that from now on, everyday, I expect him to keep his bed made. I think he actually liked the idea, because he came out of his room this` morning, and told me that he made his bed.
My husband made the suggestion that he can mow the yard, with a push mower. He is going to show him how tomorrow.
I know that if I don`t give him some responsibilities now, that its really going to be ugly in a few years. His Dad doesn`t make him do anything either, so I think its time to get our heads together, and wise up!
Thanks for the thread.
Please, don't use the term "failure" towards yourself as a parent because a poster posted their opinion that a child should have chores by 8/9 years old. When I feel like giving my child chores is up to me, and I don't care what someone else thinks. If it's 6 years old or 11 years old, that's my choice, and it is no one else's business to deem me as a failure if I don't.
I do not make either of my two boys clean the bathroom (they are 12 and 7). My 12 year old makes his bed, cleans his room, is responsible for feeding the 4 animals twice a day, and then doing whatever else I ask of him. I probably will give him more chores later on...but that's my business.
My 7 year old has to make his bed, clean his room and then do whatever I ask. He has vacummed for me, dusted....but it's whenever I ask. He will get more when I feel like it.
Yep, my son has a cell phone, and he's 12. I got it for him when he was 11 too...oh no. My husband and I leave for work way before he has school, and there might come to a time when he might have to walk to school by himself (usually gets rides in the AM), and I feel more secure in him having a phone, especially for the tracker system. Sure when I was younger I walked to school, and didn't have a phone. But you know what, there are too many kidnappings going on in this world, or worse...and if I can take a precaution or a little something can help in the event something like that happens, then I will provide it. It's not the best, probably the cheapest around, it's not for a show off piece, but it gives me piece of mind.
My boys are fresh sometimes. You know what, so was I when I was a kid, and my husband...and basically everyone I know. It's part of being a child. Sure they get punished for it...
My two boys are bright honor roll students-both of them, who I get compliments from everyone...family and non-related, on their behavior...so whatever I am choosing to do and not do... is working.
Advertising certainly doesn't help this situation. There was a car commercial a couple years ago in which the tag line was, "Everything your children want, everything you need."
Excuse me?
Right now, there's another car commercial running in which a mother says, "I have two children and an 8-hour drive," and the auto designers say, "Well, then, how about two video screens that show different movies?"
EXCUSE ME?
When my parents went car shopping, there was absolutely NO consideration for my taste in vehicles, my comfort, or my amusement. On long road trips, my brother and I played license plate bingo, or cards, or we read, or even () sang songs.
Too many of today's children revel in a sense of entitlement, and it's absolutely disgusting.
AMEN! I am so tired of having to deal with those "kids" in adult bodies out in the working world that are so lost without their Mama that they are not functional. Yes Mom, when they get hired, they really are expected to
W-O-R-K and we are not there to cater to them or to babysit them. We are not there to teach them what you failed to teach them, that was YOUR job! Recently I had a 19 year old actually tell me "I took the job because surely they did not expect me to actually work for what they are paying me to be here!" HUH?
Please try to remember, they are YOUR little darlings, not everybody elses! Excuses and charm do not get it in the real world.. they are not as cute and adoreable as you have lead them to believe they are and I (for one) am tired of dealing with them.
Totally hear you - I'm throwing in some counterpoint, but not really disagreeing with you per se.
In the workplace - I am tired of hearing aging boomers tell me how no one will ever be able to replace them on the job and they have all this istitutional knowledge and passion and they just CAN'T walk away and retire, because we idiots the next generation down are totally inept.
You know what -- this is why youth don't learn to do anything. Because no one has the patience to let them do it wrong, or do it inefficiently, or generally not live up to the expectations of someone who has been at it for 30 years! Its a two-way street and they can't live up to expectations that are denied them by the don't-wanna-be retirees.
Advertising certainly doesn't help this situation. There was a car commercial a couple years ago in which the tag line was, "Everything your children want, everything you need."
Excuse me?
Right now, there's another car commercial running in which a mother says, "I have two children and an 8-hour drive," and the auto designers say, "Well, then, how about two video screens that show different movies?"
EXCUSE ME?
When my parents went car shopping, there was absolutely NO consideration for my taste in vehicles, my comfort, or my amusement. On long road trips, my brother and I played license plate bingo, or cards, or we read, or even () sang songs.
Too many of today's children revel in a sense of entitlement, and it's absolutely disgusting.
Yep. We bought a new car last August and those halfwits at the dealership couldn't stop pushing the DVDs on us.
What we couldn't make these people understand is that we DIDN'T WANT THE COTTON PICKING DVD PLAYER. As in No, Nyet, Nein, Non.
Why? Because the last thing I want to do when running errands with my kids riding shotgun is have to unplug the kids from the video screen every we reach another stop. If we have a trip longer than 8 hours, then I'll show them a DVD on a laptop. But shorter than that means our children will just have to find traditional ways to entertain themselves.
Last edited by jeannie216; 06-30-2008 at 06:59 PM..
Reason: inappropriate
I think what is being said (in many different ways) by most, and ignored by few (by there are those that will never figure it out), is that our number one priority to our kids it to raise them to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually ready for integration into society as a functioning component. If we fail to raise our children in any one of those aspects, then we do not only them a disservice, but society as a whole a disservice.
I think this post was directed at me since I seem to be the only one that disagreed with the orginal post. First of all, just because I questioned the original post does not mean that I do not think we should raise our kids to be slackers. That was not my meaning at all. The gist I got out of the original post was that besides poor attitudes, kids get too much. I honestly do not think that getting a cell phone at 10, 11 or 12 is that big of a deal. I think it is a worse lesson for them to hear their parents complain about what other people have that they don't. Kids can receive lots of things and still turn out to be great adults and contributing members of society.
Yep. We bought a new car last August and those halfwits at the dealership couldn't stop pushing the DVDs on us.
What we couldn't make these people understand is that we DIDN'T WANT THE COTTON PICKING DVD PLAYER. As in No, Nyet, Nein, Non.
Why? Because the last thing I want to do when running errands with my kids riding shotgun is have to unplug the kids from the video screen every we reach another stop. If we have a trip longer than 8 hours, then I'll show them a DVD on a laptop. But shorter than that means our children will just have to find traditional ways to entertain themselves.
My poor son (5 y.o.) has spent sooo much time in the car! We have lived in the boondocks several times, where shopping trips were 1.5-2 hours one way. We have lived half a day to a whole day away from family but of course would drive to see them (including "circle tours" at Christmas time where we basically drive around a state). We also have had three long-distance moving trips. We have never had a dvd player and never want one! On one of our moves, our friends were trying to buy one for us. I had to be pretty clear that we did not want one. I'm not going to blame people for wanting one for long-distance treks, but I have been able to use the drive time to increase his creativity. I have a couple story cds, and a couple kids-music cds, but for the most part he listens to what I want to listen to, and often we just turn it off and make up stories and games as we go. Driving cross-country can be such a great experience for them--I want him looking out the window at the landscape, not at a movie he can see anytime!
Seriously. When I grew up, we were not allowed to watch TV all day, had to go outside and play, do our homework, help out with the chores around the house, and generally devise our own entertainment.
Now, talking to the parents of other kids, it's like their children completely and utterly call the shots....
What's more, egalitarianism is a great idea in the voting booth, but it's a really crappy idea in just about every other institution known to man. Learning the simple phrases "Yes, Sir," "No, Sir," "Yes, Ma'am," "No, Ma'am," "Please," "Thank You," "You're Welcome," and "Excuse Me" doesn't make you a butt kisser. What it means is that you respect their age, experience, and rank, and are willing to listen to them. It means that they don't have to explain every single request down to the last comma. It means that your child is willing to join the human race, as opposed to just being in it for himself.
This lack of respect is being taught at home and enforced at schools through the lack of parental supports that the teachers so desperately need. I taught Middle School prior to staying home with my children and I am seriously dreading going back because of this. I worked in a rural part of Western NY- between Rochester and Syracuse. The kids were not taught to respect their teachers... IN FACT when you called home to inform the parents of the disrespectful acts that had taken place in class that day the parent would say "When they are at school they are your problem"... Where do you think the kids are actually learning this behavior from? I don't blame tv... I blame the parents. From day one my kids have learned that if they are rude they are in hot water. If they disrespect ANY adult they are in even MORE hot water... doesn't matter WHO the adult is or if they even know them- they must show respect to their elders. I am not an uptight conservative individual either- I just learned the system of BRATHOOD prior to having my children and swore I would never let my children continue along that same path. As a teacher I was so sickened by the way parents were raising their kids... As a society we need to TOUGHEN UP and start seeing the kids graduating from college are turning into SPOILED BRATS and those coming out of college, who are entering the workforce right now have no work ethic either. They think everything should be handed to them! Did you know colleges are applying stress free weekends to some of their routines? NO HOMEWORK WEEKENDS in COLLEGE????!!!!! Mandetory YOGA in Harvard because the kids are too stressed out... if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen- don't turn the heat down... what does that teach them? Your employer will have massage thearapist on hand and you won't have to work longer than 9-5? Let's teach our kids to actually be adults... parents are putting them at a HUGE disadvantage... toughen up and tell them to suck it up and brush themselves off and get it done... not create crybabies who have to go to the guidence office in High School because the teacher told them they couldn't hand the assignment in late... Seriously, what the heck does that accomplish? What does that teach the kids? They can do whatever they want and when the parent calls you to tell you you are a horrible teacher because their poor baby had to work last night and how dare You not accept the homework two days late... WHAT ARE PARENTS TEACHING THEIR KIDS????!!!! Get a grip, FOLKS... You are bringing up spoiled brats who think the world should be handed to them on a silver platter... we are in serious trouble...
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