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man, i should never of mentioned the "i dont like myself" thing.
Then why did you mention it in the 1st place? To get a rise out of people? Because you don't think things through completely?
Quote:
Originally Posted by famlife
i know it meant nothing, and so does her dad, and so do the ppl who know her. for some reason, others who have never even seen her face, feel differently. well,whatever
Last edited by jeannie216; 09-18-2008 at 01:46 PM..
Reason: partial cut. off-topic
One last thought on the not liking herself thing for you to consider (I know now you say you wish you didn't mention this, but you did, and I think you had good reason to bring it up). On the outside I was a very, very happy child. My parents to this day *insist* I was a happy child. But inside I was *not* happy. But feeling unhappy was not OK to show so I learned to hide it. But trust me, my unhappiness manifested itself in plenty of other ways.
One last thought on the not liking herself thing for you to consider (I know now you say you wish you didn't mention this, but you did, and I think you had good reason to bring it up). On the outside I was a very, very happy child. My parents to this day *insist* I was a happy child. But inside I was *not* happy. But feeling unhappy was not OK to show so I learned to hide it. But trust me, my unhappiness manifested itself in plenty of other ways.
I wish you luck with her & hope you resolve this.
It certainly seems this child is seeking attention, for whatever reasons.
Enrolling her in dance classes or other extra curricular activities might be a step in the right direction.
I am going to agree with the folks who say if she wants to act like a baby than treat her like a baby. When I was around her age for some reason I decided to pee in my pants ( I was actually potty trained before I could walk thanks to a strict mom who couldn't tolerate diapers) and man did my mom go nuts. Not only did she go out and buy diapers, she put one on me, than pulled out my old playpen and put me in it for the day. Having her family and friends come in the house and see me in that state ensured that I never ever pulled that stunt again. I remember it as clear as day and still feel embarrassed lol. In fact I can't believe I have just admitted to it but if it helps a parent out with an idea than I guess it's ok. I always tell people, if you have a problem with your young ones, send them to my mom lol. She is like the Cesar Milan of kids.
ETA- I am not saying that this is what you should do. I am just offering up my own experience. Make of it what you will.
Last edited by Kathleen1971; 09-18-2008 at 08:46 AM..
I am going to agree with the folks who say if she wants to act like a baby than treat her like a baby. When I was around her age for some reason I decided to pee in my pants ( I was actually potty trained before I could walk thanks to a strict mom who couldn't tolerate diapers) and man did my mom go nuts. Not only did she go out and buy diapers, she put one on me, than pulled out my old playpen and put me in it for the day. Having her family and friends come in the house and see me in that state ensured that I never ever pulled that stunt again. I remember it as clear as day and still feel embarrassed lol. In fact I can't believe I have just admitted to it but if it helps a parent out with an idea than I guess it's ok. I always tell people, if you have a problem with your young ones, send them to my mom lol. She is like the Cesar Milan of kids.
I am going to agree with the folks who say if she wants to act like a baby than treat her like a baby. When I was around her age for some reason I decided to pee in my pants ( I was actually potty trained before I could walk thanks to a strict mom who couldn't tolerate diapers) and man did my mom go nuts. Not only did she go out and buy diapers, she put one on me, than pulled out my old playpen and put me in it for the day. Having her family and friends come in the house and see me in that state ensured that I never ever pulled that stunt again. I remember it as clear as day and still feel embarrassed lol. In fact I can't believe I have just admitted to it but if it helps a parent out with an idea than I guess it's ok. I always tell people, if you have a problem with your young ones, send them to my mom lol. She is like the Cesar Milan of kids.
OMG, I love it! Wow, now that is some creative parenting.
One thought I had is that she could possibly be making the remark "I don't like myself" because of the reaction it elicits from adults. Many adults would be likely to go overboard reassuring the child how likable she is, how wonderful, etc... She may have said it once off-handedly and been surprised at how much reassuring attention she got. This could be her misguided (certainly not malicious) way to seek that nurturing positive attention.
To the OP, I'm not saying that you're not giving her positive attention. It's just funny because many kids don't care whether they're getting attention through positive or negative channels, as long as they're getting attention.
My philosophy in this situation would be less intervention on your part as opposed to more. Maybe sit down with her at a time when all is calm and explain to her how you're going to handle this situation from now on. Explain it matter-of-factly and assure her that she is loved. Then tell her that you will no longer be responding when she says she doesn't like herself, but that you will respond when she makes sincere and positive remarks about herself. Tell her you will not be regulating her potty usage; it's up to her to figure out when she needs to go and make it on time. Tell her that if she has an accident, you will very simply point her to the cleaning supplies that she needs to clean up the mess and point her to her room to change clothes. You will not be making any additional comments and will otherwise ignore the behavior. Then do it and stick to it. If she refuses to clean up the mess herself, add a consequence (restrict TV/computer time, toys, something that is meaningful to her).
My prediction is that (as always in scenarios like this), the behavior will get worse before it gets better. She will engage in a "last gasp" for attention. Don't let it wear down your resolve! Ignore as much as possible and give logical consequences when she has an accident. Don't try to reason, cajole, or beg. That attention only reinforces the behavior and makes it more likely to occur again. A power struggle is only a struggle if two people are engaged in it. Disengage yourself and put the onus on her. Ask as though the peeing behavior is no big deal to you and reinforce good behavior whenever you can.
I wouldn't do the diaper thing. I think it could backfire. Stick with this method for 2-3 weeks and I would be surprised if the behavior continues at the same rate.
One thought I had is that she could possibly be making the remark "I don't like myself" because of the reaction it elicits from adults. Many adults would be likely to go overboard reassuring the child how likable she is, how wonderful, etc... She may have said it once off-handedly and been surprised at how much reassuring attention she got. This could be her misguided (certainly not malicious) way to seek that nurturing positive attention.
To the OP, I'm not saying that you're not giving her positive attention. It's just funny because many kids don't care whether they're getting attention through positive or negative channels, as long as they're getting attention.
My philosophy in this situation would be less intervention on your part as opposed to more. Maybe sit down with her at a time when all is calm and explain to her how you're going to handle this situation from now on. Explain it matter-of-factly and assure her that she is loved. Then tell her that you will no longer be responding when she says she doesn't like herself, but that you will respond when she makes sincere and positive remarks about herself. Tell her you will not be regulating her potty usage; it's up to her to figure out when she needs to go and make it on time. Tell her that if she has an accident, you will very simply point her to the cleaning supplies that she needs to clean up the mess and point her to her room to change clothes. You will not be making any additional comments and will otherwise ignore the behavior. Then do it and stick to it. If she refuses to clean up the mess herself, add a consequence (restrict TV/computer time, toys, something that is meaningful to her).
My prediction is that (as always in scenarios like this), the behavior will get worse before it gets better. She will engage in a "last gasp" for attention. Don't let it wear down your resolve! Ignore as much as possible and give logical consequences when she has an accident. Don't try to reason, cajole, or beg. That attention only reinforces the behavior and makes it more likely to occur again. A power struggle is only a struggle if two people are engaged in it. Disengage yourself and put the onus on her. Ask as though the peeing behavior is no big deal to you and reinforce good behavior whenever you can.
I wouldn't do the diaper thing. I think it could backfire. Stick with this method for 2-3 weeks and I would be surprised if the behavior continues at the same rate.
Your solution may be the very best suggestion. Also a little "time out" might help but not in her room with her toys. Has the OP taken any toys or entertainment away from the child?
Your solution may be the very best suggestion. Also a little "time out" might help but not in her room with her toys. Has the OP taken any toys or entertainment away from the child?
I think time out away from anything enjoyable has been tried. The OP said she spent the day sitting beside her yesterday after a wetting incident and that the child didn't like that.
She may need more peer interaction. It would be a 'Great Big Deal' in a kindergarten class if you wet your pants.
If you are going to move soon, if it comes down to it, I would do the public embarrassment/peer pressure thing now. That way, if you stay in the next town, she won't be remember as the girl who peed her pants. Just a thought.
Problem is, these kids sometimes don't care if they are known as the girl who peed her pants. They are just happy anyways, usually popular as well. Peer pressure only works if the kid cares what her peers think about her.
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