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You know what I miss sometimes? NAP TIME. When my boys were infants and toddlers and preschool age they took naps. Glorious naps! Sometimes I napped with them, but sometimes I used that time for ME time.
If you are a co-parent, too... (meaning, not a single parent...) you have a little more freedom as well. Or, at least you can, if you choose. My husband and I often would watch the kids for one another while the other just went for a drive or a walk or the bookstore for some quiet time alone. It's important to keep your cup full, as a parent. If your cup is not full, you have nothing to share with your kids.
YES children need their parents - at any age, certainly. I have a teenage son who seems to need me more now than he ever has before... lots of emotional stuff and questions and puberty and hormones run amok and proper etiquette in new uncertain social realms and whatnot... It really doesn't matter whether a child is 3 months, 3 years, or 13... kids need their parents. I'm 33 and wished that I had a parent to turn to sometimes! But there are moments when you are able to carve out some time to yourself. And it's important that parents do.
RESPECT your marriage. RESPECT your children. If you are respecting your children (AGAIN, COMMON SENSE & MODERATION) before your husband/wife/partner...you are not helping anyone.
Common sense & moderation...it's well defined in the dictionary if one doesn't know what it means.
Here is my way of thinking, not that yours is wrong, it's just different from mine... way different.
First and foremost, you respect yourself, that is of the utmost importance.
second, you respect your children, YOU (not you per se) decided to bring an innocent child into this world, it's is your responsibility to care for said child.
then you respect your spouse, my husband totally understands our kids come first and he stands beside me on this decision. In the middle of dinner, TV, sex, no matter what, the kids come first.
See this is where the misunderstanding occurs. Are there selfish parents? - yes there are. Is every parent who take some time to do something for themselves selfish? NO! Please folks get a grip. Dumping the kids you chose to have at every opportunity with someone else, not volunteering for any of their activities because you are just too busy with your own endeavors etc etc is a whole different ballgame than taking some time to do something that brings you joy or peace - whether that is an hour to read a novel, go online on C-D, practice an instrument, work out or whatever (maybe it's just soaking in the tub while THE OTHER PARENT watches the kids for a bit). I just don't see how this is considered "selfish" - why not look at is as giving the other parent an opportunity for one on one time? And really, just when do you think they are less dependent? As a parent of older kids, I am constantly "on call" to drive somewhere, help with a project, do team-mom activities, etc etc. And guess what? By that time, they actually know you are around and remember it.
(I was going to rep you but I gotta spread some around first! )
Here is my way of thinking, not that yours is wrong, it's just different from mine... way different.
First and foremost, you respect yourself, that is of the utmost importance.
second, you respect your children, YOU (not you per se) decided to bring an innocent child into this world, it's is your responsibility to care for said child.
then you respect your spouse, my husband totally understands our kids come first and he stands beside me on this decision. In the middle of dinner, TV, sex, no matter what, the kids come first.
Why should the kids always come first? Can you please explain how allowing multiple priorities necessarily means not caring for your children?
If you did while working full-time, I'd say you were being selfish. If you did while being a SAHM, than I wouldn't say you were being selfish because you would still be spending a lot of time with them everyday regardless.
I asked you if did it while they were 12-18 months old because as kids get older, they don't require the non-stop parenting that infants/toddlers do.
And if she did, what in the world would be wrong with taking a little bit of time out once a week for herself? Honestly, she said once a week not everyday....
Once a week isn't a problem at all. A few hours a day is (if the child is quite young).
ETA - I was only looking at the lesson, not the practice time. But still...an hour a day? Who's to say it wasn't done during a nap or after bedtime - or when spouse could take over for an hour? There are ways to keep your own interests up while having young kids....
The only person to say it is Momma_Bear. I don't know what part of the day she did her hobbies. My point is, for someone who works full time and doesn't get home until 6-7pm weeknights, they really don't see their children that much. What time do infants/toddlers go down for the night, 8-9pm? If they choose to go out after work for whatever reason 3-4 times a week, they never see their kids, hence, they are being selfish since it seems that they can workout or go out for a beer after their kids are in bed.
Why should the kids always come first? Can you please explain how allowing multiple priorities necessarily means not caring for your children?
Because your children are relying on you and need help. They can't fend for themselves like an adult can. An adult should be able to handle things by themselves.
Who are you to say that a person who works full time doesn't get home until 6-7 at night???? Have you been living under a rock or have you ever heard of shift work or alternate work schedules? When my DD was little, I worked from 6-3; DH worked from 9-6; DH was finishing his degree (2 nights/week and Saturdays) and we were fixing up a repo house we bought. I'm sure you would think us "selfish" for all that time away. Guess what? She has absolutely no recollection of that time as it was all before she was 18 mo. old. She has grown up to be a very well adjusted young woman in college. We have a very close relationship. She does not need your pity for her "selfish" parents, thanks though. Kids do need lots and lots of attention but I don't see where the time you spend judging situations that you don't know about helps anything. Maybe you should be spending that time with your own kids.
Who are you to say that a person who works full time doesn't get home until 6-7 at night???? Have you been living under a rock or have you ever heard of shift work or alternate work schedules? When my DD was little, I worked from 6-3; DH worked from 9-6; DH was finishing his degree (2 nights/week and Saturdays) and we were fixing up a repo house we bought. I'm sure you would think us "selfish" for all that time away. Guess what? She has absolutely no recollection of that time as it was all before she was 18 mo. old. She has grown up to be a very well adjusted young woman in college. We have a very close relationship. She does not need your pity for her "selfish" parents, thanks though. Kids do need lots and lots of attention but I don't see where the time you spend judging situations that you don't know about helps anything. Maybe you should be spending that time with your own kids.
First of all; calm down.
Secondly, you are arguing the wrong point and letting semantics get in the way. Just because I said "full time", I didn't mean to insinuate that those who DIDN'T get home until 6-7pm weren't working full time. You are reading too much into this and not focusing on the crux of the argument. I don't pity your daughter. I feel bad for you that you couldn't spend more time with her though. However, you were making a better life for you and her by working/going to school/building the house. This is a far cry from going for a run or meeting a buddy for a few beers (which can be done AFTER the kids are asleep).
Thirdly, the point I was getting across was that my coworker works from 8-5. That means he leaves the house at 7am and ,at the earliest, gets home around 6. His kids go to be around 8 or 9 from what I gather. That gives him 2 hours with the kids IF he leaves work at 5 (he doesn't). 2 hours is not enough time to spend with kids a day if you ask me, but there are many people who can't even do this for a variety or reasons. Some of these reasons are legitimate. In his case, he leaves work after 5pm and at least 2-3 days a week, will go running, to the gym, or for a beer with friends immediately after work. In fact today he will be meeting his sister at 6pm for a run. What my point is, why can't he wait until after his kids are in bed to go running? After I put down my son, I will be working out. Like I said earlier, doing something like this on occasion is ok. However, doing it frequently as he does is unacceptable to me. Did you read the part about his hypocrisy?
Lastly, I spend plenty of time with my son and have never put my needs in front of him. I wish I can spend more time with him, but due to work, I can't. My quest for a perfect body, buzz, sleep, or any form of "me" time comes after my son's needs.
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When my boys were infants and toddlers and preschool age they took naps. Glorious naps! Sometimes I napped with them, but sometimes I used that time for ME time.
