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It's not up to them to make decisions for this girl.
They let her stay because she is 18 and it was ultimately her decision.
Just because someone is 18, you are not obligated in any way to provide them a free place to stay, pay for the food they eat and let them lay around your house doing nothing.
To me it seems like a pretty weird thing for them to do. I know I wouldn't. The best theory is that she has manipulated them, maybe even lied and told them her parents kicked her out. She's lying to her parents, so it's very likely she's lying to them too.
Just because someone is 18, you are not obligated in any way to provide them a free place to stay, pay for the food they eat and let them lay around your house doing nothing.
To me it seems like a pretty weird thing for them to do. I know I wouldn't. The best theory is that she has manipulated them, maybe even lied and told them her parents kicked her out. She's lying to her parents, so it's very likely she's lying to them too.
Amen to your last couple of posts Malamute! Unfortunately, some people want to believe "the best" about kids and don't realize they've been played until it's too late.
Thanks for all the responses. Well, here is the latest. I was on facebook and my daughter added me back after I asked her to (when we were talking). She never uses it though because she uses the boys. He has added a ton of her friends on his facebook. Anyway, after breaking the news to her this week about not graduating she has not talk to me since even though I have text her etc. Well, tonight right before I was going to bed a post was made on her facebook by this boys mother. She was bragging about how she and my daughter and her son were at a bar getting their dance on. I know she did it on purpose because I told my daughter that the previous time this lady did it that it really hurt my feelings. So I deactivated my account for a while. I think it is time to heal and lay low for a while. I am very hurt though.
To answer some questions, I just want to say I don't think I am overreacting at all. I did not get pregnant while I was going to school. I left home during the summer and lived with this my daughter's dad for 6 months before I ended up pregnant. I dropped out before I was pregnant too. So yes it concerns me. Another thing that concerns me is on her Pintrest account she had pictures of baby nursery rooms, guys with newborns, wedding dresses and engagement rings. I get that this is the time you start to think of that stuff, but the baby stuff threw me. Before it was stuff about college. It just freaked me out a bit. It has never been something she was interested in before. She loathed having to watch her baby sister. Heck she can't even take care of herself much less another child.
To go back to what I was saying this mom did, I believe she is doing it on purpose. I got into a confrontation with her over the phone last year about her son and the things he was texting to my daughter. It was very degrading like she was some sex slave. It was seriously crass. I don't know any parent that would ever want to hear a guy talk to their daughter that way. I believe she is a single mom because I never hear about a dad around. Either way I do not feel her son was not raised properly. He is a thug and has a bad reputation around here. My daughter knows that his mom is posting this stuff on her facebook for me to see and she doesn't care. When I spoke to my daughter about it the first time she denied knowing anything about it. Of course I do not believe because these days if her mouth is moving she is lying. Then this lady goes and does it again. I do believe she is trying to **** me off. As far as my daughter yes she is telling everyone we kicked her out even though we did not. She has been making a scene about it for weeks now trying to get sympathy. Everyone is sick of it and starting to ignore it. They are starting to see through it. We have tried several times to get her to come back home but she is not interested. After reviewing text messages we have learned that she was planning on leaving for a while. I guess she was just looking for an excuse. I just don't understand why this is being directed towards me so much. We used to be close and now she acts like such a brat and little b&^%. I never did this to my family when I left. I was miserable being gone. She seems to be living it up. She doesn't graduate and now she is off partying at a bar. Way to raise'em. Geez.....
BTW..I sort of feel bad saying he wasn't raised properly. I guess other people could look at my own daughter right now and say the same thing. Sigh....
Thanks for all the responses. Well, here is the latest. I was on facebook and my daughter added me back after I asked her to (when we were talking). She never uses it though because she uses the boys. He has added a ton of her friends on his facebook. Anyway, after breaking the news to her this week about not graduating she has not talk to me since even though I have text her etc. Well, tonight right before I was going to bed a post was made on her facebook by this boys mother. She was bragging about how she and my daughter and her son were at a bar getting their dance on. I know she did it on purpose because I told my daughter that the previous time this lady did it that it really hurt my feelings. So I deactivated my account for a while. I think it is time to heal and lay low for a while. I am very hurt though.
To answer some questions, I just want to say I don't think I am overreacting at all. I did not get pregnant while I was going to school. I left home during the summer and lived with this my daughter's dad for 6 months before I ended up pregnant. I dropped out before I was pregnant too. So yes it concerns me. Another thing that concerns me is on her Pintrest account she had pictures of baby nursery rooms, guys with newborns, wedding dresses and engagement rings. I get that this is the time you start to think of that stuff, but the baby stuff threw me. Before it was stuff about college. It just freaked me out a bit. It has never been something she was interested in before. She loathed having to watch her baby sister. Heck she can't even take care of herself much less another child.
To go back to what I was saying this mom did, I believe she is doing it on purpose. I got into a confrontation with her over the phone last year about her son and the things he was texting to my daughter. It was very degrading like she was some sex slave. It was seriously crass. I don't know any parent that would ever want to hear a guy talk to their daughter that way. I believe she is a single mom because I never hear about a dad around. Either way I do not feel her son was not raised properly. He is a thug and has a bad reputation around here. My daughter knows that his mom is posting this stuff on her facebook for me to see and she doesn't care. When I spoke to my daughter about it the first time she denied knowing anything about it. Of course I do not believe because these days if her mouth is moving she is lying. Then this lady goes and does it again. I do believe she is trying to **** me off. As far as my daughter yes she is telling everyone we kicked her out even though we did not. She has been making a scene about it for weeks now trying to get sympathy. Everyone is sick of it and starting to ignore it. They are starting to see through it. We have tried several times to get her to come back home but she is not interested. After reviewing text messages we have learned that she was planning on leaving for a while. I guess she was just looking for an excuse. I just don't understand why this is being directed towards me so much. We used to be close and now she acts like such a brat and little b&^%. I never did this to my family when I left. I was miserable being gone. She seems to be living it up. She doesn't graduate and now she is off partying at a bar. Way to raise'em. Geez.....
BTW..I sort of feel bad saying he wasn't raised properly. I guess other people could look at my own daughter right now and say the same thing. Sigh....
As per the bolded, not really.
She's been with him how long?? Not very from what I take it.
NORMALLY and I will use myself as an example, if she's thinking of marriage and all that stuff so soon its because she feels like she's trying to escape something and is trying to "fix" it with getting married.
But I have been with my boyfriend two years in august, started staying over at his place but I didn't move in with him until January pretty much a year and half after meeting him, then we didn't get our own place together until 2 week ago today. THAT'S normal. She's rushing crap.
It's not the norm. I knew a girl like this her home life was awful, she was actually kicked out, and she jumped from guy to guy, from place to place and then found one guy and wanted to marry him after 3 months of being together, they lived together right off the bat and are now still together but living in separate places.
sc0628,
Guess what? You're going to wake up one of these days and say, "OMG! I've been letting that kid rule every emotion! Every hour of every day has been consumed, in one way or another, with thoughts of her....and for WHAT!?" Because I think you're trying to be a good mom to your kids, you're probably going to cry, when you realize that you've been allowing your daughter's actions hurt everyone else in house, mainly through you. Seriously, Sc, you HAVE to figure out a way to distance yourself from this situation. Oh!....by the way...you also have to figure out a way to forgive yourSELF for the things you did when YOU were younger.
None of us want our kids to repeat our mistakes. I KILLS us when they do. What you have to remember though is that the mistakes we made earlier in our lives are what shapes us into the "better", more empathetic, wiser people we are today! You made mistakes. Your daughter is making mistakes. Just about everyone you KNOW has made some pretty drastic and shameful mistakes in their lives. Many of them, you'll never know about, because they don't want to talk about those mistakes. They moved on from them. They used those experiences as valuable life lessons and got on with life. Maybe your daughter will go to college, maybe she won't. Maybe she'll be 30 before she goes....who knows. Either way, the sooner you realize that she's living her life, the way she wants to live it right now.....the way she has the RIGHT to live it right now....and learn to just let her go, the happier your whole family will be.
I had to train myself to not SAY anything about my son. I monopolized every day, with talk about my oldest son, for a while there. Do you realize what that does to everyone else? "OMG!!! Here we go again! How long is she going to go on now!?" You become just as "distant" and unapproachable as your wayward kid, because you're so damned consumed with grief, worry, disappointment, etc. Please Sc, for the rest of your family....move ON. If someone brings her up, just learn to say, "Oh well! She's doing what she thinks she wants to do. It's her life. It's not what I wanted for her, but oh well....she'll turn around someday. God will protect her, after all....He's a much better parent than I could ever be!!"
PS....As for the comment the "boy's mom" put on the FB page? Clearly, she won that round, didn't she. You disapprove of her choices and now she's punishing you for your disapproval. She's flat out telling you that she's doing something that pi$$es you off and she thinks it's funny. Let it go Sc, she's cutting off her nose to spite her face. Ignore it! She's the one who's going to have to face the consequences for her actions dear...not you! Just IGNORE her!
Isn't that what you raised her to be and do? She made an adult decision. So she wants to fly the nest a tad early, because she can't abide by simple rules and chores? Good riddance! If you cater to her and enable her, she will become one of those "use-the-system" types or worse yet, one who constanly needs bailing out even at age 50. You have obviously done some spoiling. It is not healthy to continue to do so. It is obvious you care, but to cross the boundary to enabling is more about lacking real love. You brought her into this world to grow up and naturally progress to adulthood and independence. Enjoy the empty nest and freedom. One of the worst things you could do is let her back into the nest. Do you wish to handicap your grown child? Well, if you do, keep up this kind of enabling/excusing crap. Read a book about Tough Love.
Not much sleep last night. I do realize I have to let this go. I start to feel better about things and then boom something new happens. I plan on going to counseling once we get moved and settled. We move in 28 days so my time is being spent packing. It feels kinda good. I agree with most of what everyone is saying EXCEPT I will not agree with the fact that our daughter had a hard life here at home. She didn't have the freedoms she has now, but she wasn't locked in her room or anything. She was hardly ever her kinda of has made it easier to deal with her being wrong. She is just selfish right now and this family is condoning the behavior so of course she thinks she is right. Sigh..... <br><br>
They aren't condoning it.
She's an adult, it's not their place to step in and tell her what to do.
They are simply letting her make her decisions, whatever they may be.
Not much sleep last night. I do realize I have to let this go. I start to feel better about things and then boom something new happens. I plan on going to counseling once we get moved and settled. We move in 28 days so my time is being spent packing. It feels kinda good. I agree with most of what everyone is saying EXCEPT I will not agree with the fact that our daughter had a hard life here at home. She didn't have the freedoms she has now, but she wasn't locked in her room or anything. She was hardly ever her kinda of has made it easier to deal with her being wrong. She is just selfish right now and this family is condoning the behavior so of course she thinks she is right. Sigh..... <br><br>
If your daughter is the only reason you're on FB, I think you need to consider deleting your account. Stop allowing yourself to be baited.
At this point you must accept that you cannot change a single thing and certainly aren't changing anything by letting yourself be upset. You really do need to let go and let events play out as they will.
Your daughter is behaving like an ungrateful brat -- so let the boy's mother have her. Let them pay for her and you just move on and spend your money on the other kids. Right now it sounds like some stupid contest -- the boy's mother is a total idiot and wants to be their partying "friend" but in the end, these "cool" parents are not the good parents. Chances are -- the minute the boy's mother thinks you may have dumped your daughter on her and realizes that she has to pay for everything, she's going to decide she doesn't want her.
You need to stop trying at this point, it's only going to bring you down. Do your other kids deserve that? Does your husband deserve that? They can only manipulate you and upset you if you allow them to.
If you decide to keep using FB, stop looking at what they're doing. Block the boy's mother or post fun pictures of family trips you are taking -- you actually have some money freed up now I would think. Maybe take your other kids to Disneyland or some fun place and let the boy's mom continue posting bar pictures with the new mouth she has to feed.
If your daughter is the only reason you're on FB, I think you need to consider deleting your account. Stop allowing yourself to be baited.
At this point you must accept that you cannot change a single thing and certainly aren't changing anything by letting yourself be upset. You really do need to let go and let events play out as they will.
Your daughter is behaving like an ungrateful brat -- so let the boy's mother have her. Let them pay for her and you just move on and spend your money on the other kids. Right now it sounds like some stupid contest -- the boy's mother is a total idiot and wants to be their partying "friend" but in the end, these "cool" parents are not the good parents. Chances are -- the minute the boy's mother thinks you may have dumped your daughter on her and realizes that she has to pay for everything, she's going to decide she doesn't want her.
You need to stop trying at this point, it's only going to bring you down. Do your other kids deserve that? Does your husband deserve that? They can only manipulate you and upset you if you allow them to.
If you decide to keep using FB, stop looking at what they're doing. Block the boy's mother or post fun pictures of family trips you are taking -- you actually have some money freed up now I would think. Maybe take your other kids to Disneyland or some fun place and let the boy's mom continue posting bar pictures with the new mouth she has to feed.
I wouldn't say to intentionally go out of her way to post "fun" pictures because then that doesn't make her any better than anyone else in the situation. Making her daughter feel jealous and left out and trying to play with her emotions is the wrong way to go. She just needs to block them and keep in contact with her daughter via text or something and go on living her life.
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