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If your SON raped YOUR DAUGHTER then it would be ok? Your son is more important than your girl? Rape. torture and murder (NOT self-defense) are inexcusable, esp rape. Now, someone here is going to talk about mental illness but perhaps it is more to do with parenting? I understand most rapists have violent dads.Let us not be sentimental, if someone (SIBLINGS;too) is savage without reason then the gloves are off , for me. Being accepting of such behaviour is to me-at least- is like enabling, a bit similiar to men whose moms keep quiet when they beat their wives, etc. ''My son is a GOOD BOY''(that woman deserved it)!
This is a pretty messed up question. But, I will offer this example. The family of a drug addict deciding to cut off all contact (and support) of the addict in hopes that it forces the addict to get help. Kind of like what they do on the show "Addiction". In a way the family is abandoning the addict, but it is done out of love.
"unconditional" love basically means you have no standards. If my kid ever did something like that to ANYONE.... his/her a$$ is out of my house and life.
I guess that depends on what you mean by "disown." You provided 2 very EXTREME examples: attempted murder & rape. Obviously, if one's own adult child tried to kill their parent and was intent on doing on, it would be unsafe to be near them again. Same for the rape scenario.
You would still love them, I am sure, but come on.....if you have any common sense at all, you're not going to go near someone bent on killing or raping you.
Why such extreme examples?
Yes, I love my children unconditionally. No matter what they do, I will always love them. If I saw one of them running at me with an axe, would I stand there with my arms open - no.
What's your point? "Love" does not mean absence of boundaries. ........
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
What if your kid did this to someone else? Rape or murder (with malice, not self-defense)? I can't imagine NOT disowning my kid if he/she did this.
steelstress, until or unless you have children, it's difficult to imagine that you could possibly still accept a child who committed some kind of heinous act, but parental love goes very, very deep.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
Disowning and conditional love are two different things.
Sometimes it's necessary to disassociate with someone out of love. Think "Tough Love." You don't necessarily stop loving someone when you decide to send them away.
Unconditional love doesnt' mean that we have to love everything a person does. You can love a person and hate their actions.
Exactly.
Actually I read an account on one of the news type websites about this kid who tried to kll his family and did kill his brother and mother. His father survived. Long and short of it, when it finally came out that it was him, the father forgave him. Again forgiveness doesn't mean you accept the behavior or have no boundaries etc. I wish I could remember more so I could post a link or something. I'll see if I can find it. It was a VERY compelling story.
Also I had a good friend many years ago whose mother shot her and her father during a period of mental illness. It killed her father. My friend survived. She forgave her mother. Actually, many people have, with God's grace, been able to forgive in situations where forgiveness doesn't come easy generally and not even just their own children. Again, forgiveness or continuing to love someone doesn't mean acceptance or approval of their actions.
If they tried to kill you, or they raped you? I don't mean to sound creepy, it's just a hypothetical question - because if you loved them unconditionally, you'd love them even if they did THAT.
I'd still love them but I wouldn't associate with them. You can love someone and know that you shouldn't be around them.
steelstress, until or unless you have children, it's difficult to imagine that you could possibly still accept a child who committed some kind of heinous act, but parental love goes very, very deep.
Doesn't matter. The animal is still out of my house and life. But like I said earlier, unconditional love means you have no standards.
Doesn't matter. The animal is still out of my house and life. But like I said earlier, unconditional love means you have no standards.
You must not have kids, I would never think of my child as an animal regardless of what they did, specially when considering a hypothetical situations they haven't committed. Yes, I would have "no standards", my love would be there regardless, and would always be able to forgive any of their actions. I think it strange that anybody would think different, then again, those not familiar with THE father's love and forgiveness might think that Love is something that is earned.
I'm 24 and 4 years ago my Mother found out I was gay. She wasn't too happy but did her best to pretend, for my sake. My life hasn't been easy, my relationship with my step father was brutal and resulted in my being sent to Military School to ease the tension in the family. I got into drugs and go go dancing and her tolerance of my lifestyle was based on a lack of knowledge. She was content to not know. After the death of my partner of 5 years (15-20) I stopped doing drugs, went back to school and got a "real" job. My baggage came with me and it's been a struggle to overcome the mistakes of my past. I've relied heavily on my Mother. After all her decision to marry my step-father (it was no secret I loathed him, even at 4 years old) and stay with him "for our sake" has put our family through she is divorcing him and having an affair with her Aikido instructor. She asked me my opinion about her decisions and I decided to lie about it, supporting her fully and unconditionally. Afterall, I want her to be happy and the stress was killing her. Literally. She laughs again. About the 3rd time she asked my opinion I decided to level with her. The next morning I awoke to a text saying "Don't bother coming back. You are no longer my son. Goodbye and good riddance." I asked her what the text was about, via text because she wouldn't answer my phone calls and all I got was "**** off!" In a text. I haven't spoken to her to this day, not for a lack of unanswered phone calls, e-mails, texts and cards. I'm wondering if any parents out there might be able to explain this. She's never spoken to me like that before. She's logical, has a very strong hold on her emotions and is highly functioning. I'm confused, hurt and completely lost without the love of my mother even IF I'm a grown ass man of 24. I know this isn't the BEST place to ask for advice, in a reply post, but I've never spoken about this really. Sorry for the novella. I felt the back story was important.
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basically means you have no standards. If my kid ever did something like that to ANYONE.... his/her a$$ is out of my house and life.
