Official Greater Philadelphia Area Crime Thread (Austin: legal, offices, educational)

[Hannah5555]

Originally Posted by Kamms

Your point was made. You widowed when your son was 3 years old. Sounds like your husband was otherwise present until his untimely death. You were married, you come from an affluent background, which means you should have a college degree, you had some employment and social skills, all the ingredients of surviving, which you and your son did. Your husband died, that's a different situation. Your husband would have been present on all levels of your son's life otherwise.

The Fatherless America I'm referring to are the absent fathers, never around or part of their kids' lives, no emotional or financial support, no structure building for their kids. The mothers are not educated, no real job skills, no social skills, no affluent background, often time multiple kids and multiple fathers, no child rearing skills etc. All the ingredients of not surviving.

Is every single parent, especially mothers, doomed for failure? No. There are exceptions, of course, like yours, but I'll state it again: every unborn child should hope to be born into a two parent family. Consider that almost 50% U.S. births are paid by Medicaid.

No. I am fully aware of what you are saying and I am saying that the conversation (everywhere) needs to be expanded exponentially beyond stereotypical thinking.

[kyb01]

Originally Posted by Kamms

Is every single parent, especially mothers, doomed for failure? No. There are exceptions, of course, like yours, but I'll state it again: every unborn child should hope to be born into a two parent family. Consider that almost 50% U.S. births are paid by Medicaid.

Question. Do you know any single parents personally? I'm talking about the successful ones. Do you know any? It sort of sounds like you don't first hand.

My nieces started in a two parent family. However their father was an alcoholic, or rather became one over time, which, among other things, ended the marriage between him and my sister. My sister, who, unlike a big chunk of our family, does not have a college degree. However what she did have was drive, ambition, a ton of self-esteem, intelligence and a deep understanding that her life revolved around raising her daughters the best way she could. And that women is stubborn! She would not accept any help from our parents. She had the children and they were her responsibility alone! Her ex? The less said about him the better.

She had minimal nurse's training and some background in phlebotomy which eventually morphed into being a physician's asst. without the actual credentials. Two doctors that she worked for recognized her talents and gave her the chance to prove herself and she did.

Where are her fatherless kids now? Well, they are both college grads and both have their successful lives.

I know other examples of successful single parents. Two of them are single dads.

[MarketStEl]

Originally Posted by kyb01

Question. Do you know any single parents personally? I'm talking about the successful ones. Do you know any? It sort of sounds like you don't first hand.

My nieces started in a two parent family. However their father was an alcoholic, or rather became one over time, which, among other things, ended the marriage between him and my sister. My sister, who, unlike a big chunk of our family, does not have a college degree. However what she did have was drive, ambition, a ton of self-esteem, intelligence and a deep understanding that her life revolved around raising her daughters the best way she could. And that women is stubborn! She would not accept any help from our parents. She had the children and they were her responsibility alone! Her ex? The less said about him the better.

She had minimal nurse's training and some background in phlebotomy which eventually morphed into being a physician's asst. without the actual credentials. Two doctors that she worked for recognized her talents and gave her the chance to prove herself and she did.

Where are her fatherless kids now? Well, they are both college grads and both have their successful lives.

I know other examples of successful single parents. Two of them are single dads.

Any of these have sons? If so, how did they turn out?

[kyb01]

Originally Posted by MarketStEl

Any of these have sons? If so, how did they turn out?

Yes. The father is gay, fwiw. His son is 40+ and a teacher.

[MarketStEl]

Originally Posted by kyb01

Yes. The father is gay, fwiw. His son is 40+ and a teacher.

Actually, that sounds like an argument for the importance of fathers - or father figures - in young men's lives.

Granted, after my parents divorced, I was raised by my mother, but I was 12 by then. There do seem to be a number of studies that show that boys do better when there are fathers or father figures available to them.

[Hannah5555]

Originally Posted by MarketStEl

Actually, that sounds like an argument for the importance of fathers - or father figures - in young men's lives.

Granted, after my parents divorced, I was raised by my mother, but I was 12 by then. There do seem to be a number of studies that show that boys do better when there are fathers or father figures available to them.

I made a point of trying to get my son hooked up with male father figures whenever I could; after school programs, college kids etc. Put him on a waiting list for Big Brothers and Sisters when he was about 13 and after a few months, Big and Little were united . They are not only still friends, but he's godfather to his daughter! Made a huge difference.

[Kamms]

Originally Posted by kyb01

Question. Do you know any single parents personally? I'm talking about the successful ones. Do you know any? It sort of sounds like you don't first hand.

My nieces started in a two parent family. However their father was an alcoholic, or rather became one over time, which, among other things, ended the marriage between him and my sister. My sister, who, unlike a big chunk of our family, does not have a college degree. However what she did have was drive, ambition, a ton of self-esteem, intelligence and a deep understanding that her life revolved around raising her daughters the best way she could. And that women is stubborn! She would not accept any help from our parents. She had the children and they were her responsibility alone! Her ex? The less said about him the better.

She had minimal nurse's training and some background in phlebotomy which eventually morphed into being a physician's asst. without the actual credentials. Two doctors that she worked for recognized her talents and gave her the chance to prove herself and she did.

Where are her fatherless kids now? Well, they are both college grads and both have their successful lives.

I know other examples of successful single parents. Two of them are single dads.

Of course there are examples of successful single parents, and yes, I know some, but it's not the majority. Everything becomes an all or nothing issue nowadays. Your sister's example is nice, however your sister was married, has a supportive extended family, with a financial net option. Your sister could have taken financial support from your parents. What about those that don't have that option? You and sister come from a structured, stable, and educated family; your sister had the ground work in her to deal with adversity and get the job done; this is also known as being able to play the cards life deals us. Your sister had drive, ambition, and self-esteem.

Not exactly an on-point story though in the Philly Crime Thread. The stats skew down for single parent families, despite the success stories.

Since you think single parent families are not a part of the issue: what then do you think the cause of African-American males' skyrocket % of violent crime nationally and, say, here in Philly is?

[Kamms]

Originally Posted by MarketStEl

Actually, that sounds like an argument for the importance of fathers - or father figures - in young men's lives.

Granted, after my parents divorced, I was raised by my mother, but I was 12 by then. There do seem to be a number of studies that show that boys do better when there are fathers or father figures available to them.

This is what I'm trying to say but anytime an issue is raised that is otherwise never raised, folks get real touchy about it.

Those studies most like state the fact you cite to, not seem to state it. Also, if there is a single parent, he or she must also be responsible in picking who they have relationships with and expose their kids to. It's not great for kids to see one father figure, then he's gone, then another shows up for a while...etc...it creates a general sense of distrust with kids.

So, if absent fathers are not the problem, especially in the African-American community, what is driving African American males' violent crime rates so disproportionately high? I've read lots of articles, studies etc. about the absent African American fathers, so it's a non-issue?

[Kamms]

Originally Posted by kyb01

Yes. The father is gay, fwiw. His son is 40+ and a teacher.

And the gay father had a job, career, structure etc...all the things an adult is supposed to have, and instilled these same traits in his son....that's how it's supposed to be. Sadly not every adult with kids has these traits, yet they have kids and expect the government (meaning taxpayers) to foot the bill for and actually raise their kids, and we have to deal with these kids on the streets.

This issue isn't being helped by the Disappearing Adult syndrome that has been sweeping our society and culture.

[kyb01]

Originally Posted by Kamms

Of course there are examples of successful single parents, and yes, I know some, but it's not the majority. Everything becomes an all or nothing issue nowadays. Your sister's example is nice, however your sister was married, has a supportive extended family, with a financial net option. Your sister could have taken financial support from your parents. What about those that don't have that option? You and sister come from a structured, stable, and educated family; your sister had the ground work in her to deal with adversity and get the job done; this is also known as being able to play the cards life deals us. Your sister had drive, ambition, and self-esteem.

Not exactly an on-point story though in the Philly Crime Thread. The stats skew down for single parent families, despite the success stories.

Since you think single parent families are not a part of the issue: what then do you think the cause of African-American males' skyrocket % of violent crime nationally and, say, here in Philly is?

Someone tried to explain it upthread. I can't do any better wrt an explanation.

By the same token explain why are most mass shootings are committed by white guys? And bombers too. Unibomber. Tim McVeigh. The new one in Austin. The insane torturers and serial killers. Gary Heidnik. Jeffrey Dahmer. BTK. Ted Bundy.

Violent black guys mostly kill other black people, one by one. These lone wolf, always generic-looking, white guys want to kill as many as possible. The guy who massacred dozens in the Pulse night club wasn't white but was not AA either.

Yes, I know the above is drifting into OT.