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I was bullied by boys in 4th to 6th grade, then in high school and my first year in college. Having been molested at age 4 and repressing the experiences, I had victim written all over me and no response but to run. The embarrassment from my weakness led to suicidal thoughts. Since I was correctly perceived as gay, my gender was questioned constantly which led to more difficulties.
If my earlier victimhood had not taken place, the violence I would have used against my bullies would have inspired a horror movie and I'd be in jail today for going "a bit" too far. But I survived, so perhaps the experiences had some value or purpose after all.
My parents were Gypsies, we traveled all over the USA and Spain chasing work, we would spend anywhere from 3 days to 3 weeks in a town, we lived in a trailer that now days wouldn't even be conciders a good camping trailer.
I was in and out of one school after another, i was always the new kid and the dirt poor kid so i got a lot of bullying, it was part of life and I delt with it.
I have never really been bullied. People tried, but I was the type to bully back. I've gotten into plenty of fights because people thought just because I'm skinny and innocent looking that I was an easy target for bullying.
I was overweight (chubby, not really fat) and unattractive in my early teens. I had large protruding ears and crooked teeth. In 9th grade, my desk in English class was right by the door. This group of boys would stand outside the door and taunt, "Ugly, Ugly, Ugly...". The other kids would notice and laugh, and I'd be embarassed. After class, they would follow me to my locker and continue chanting. I couldn't even go into the cafeteria at lunch, they wouldn't let up. I'd skip lunch altogether and hide in the library. I was always nervous and sick to my stomach. (It did help me start to lose weight). I approached the guidance counselor, who's excuse was, "I know those boys. They're not mean, they're just teasing you. Maybe they like you." They were jocks on the sports teams, stars of the yearbook, in other words. And no, they DIDN'T like me. You don't snort like a pig at a girl you like. I was so angry, but the only way I could fight back was to change ME. I had a bank account with my lifelong savings, and I got a babysitting job that summer. I saved all my earnings, and that August, with my parents' permission, I had a plastic surgical procedure to "pin" my ears back. They helped me with it financially. It changed the whole shape of my head and face. I got a flattering hair cut that didn't require me to cover my ears. I got an afterschool job that winter, and made arrangements to have my teeth straightened, on a monthly payment plan, which I paid for. The difficulty chewing and pain in my mouth made me lose a ton of weight.
You'd think that after my "transformation" those boys would be nice to me? No, they still followed me down the hall, chanting "Ugly, Ugly, Ugly". They were so cruel, they stole from me the pride I had in myself for what I'd accomplished. They made me feel that, no matter what I did for myself, I'd always be ugly. That was the worst bullying of all.
In my middle aged, adult years, I'm still the target of bullies, this time catty grown women in the office, because, ironically, I work out to stay thin and take care of my looks.
That's part of life. How you learn to handle it determines how well you'll succeed in life. In the real world there are no teachers or principals to step in and intervene.
And yes....I was fat, wore glasses and had big ears. I got teased.
Instead of enlisting the police or Congress into what is just a part of growing up, how about this, Mom and/or Dad? Let your darlings know this is just part of life and it'll stop when they grow enough backbone to make it stop. That's a life lesson which will prove far more valuable in the long run than learning to shrink under pressure.
Assault is against the law and you have every right to call the police and prosecute as well as sue in civil court for it. Part of being in school is learning that life has consequences for behaviours. If you are an adult and do that at work, you will be fired and probably jailed.
Oh, please! We're talking about children, for gosh sakes!
Oh, please! We're talking about children, for gosh sakes!
And exactly what would you do if you had a 5-10 y/o child who came home complaining of being bullied? Do you even realize what it could do to the psyche of a child who may already be self conscious of his/her looks or self image to be told "fight back"? Yes, in most cases fighting back will stop the bullying. But not everyone is capable of fighting back. Nor should they have to. The schools and the parents need to put a stop to it.
I was picked on for several reason, beginning with our family's poverty. Until I was in what at that time was called Jr. High, my clothes were 90% either homemade or hand-me-downs, sometimes both. Other girls in the class had brand new store bought clothes several times through the year. As if that didn't make me feel bad enough, add in the looks and comments I got about the clothes I wore. Then, at the age of 13 I developed a physical oddity that I live with to this day. One of my breasts is three times the size of the other. Sure, now I can hide that with padding in my bra. At 13 my mother (and the doctor) wouldn't allow it, expecting that padding would keep it from growing. And, of course, that became another 'reason' for teasing. And that teasing continued through high school and kept me from dating. Never went on a date until after high school when I met a man to whom that oddity made no difference in his feelings for me. Married him within six weeks of meeting him and was married nearly 30 years when he died in 1998.
I've never told anyone about that oddity until now and it's surprised me how much that teasing from 45 years ago still hurts.
I too grew up in poverty. I lived in a lot of bad neighborhoods and went to some tough schools. Sure, I was bullied, but I got tired of it and started taking martial arts courses and lifting weights in the 7th grade. I soon found out something wonderful: most bullies are cowards! That's right. Don't ever cower from them, just pop 'em straight in the nose a couple of times and 90 percent of them will stop. Even if you lose the fight they won't mess with you again because you've already proven that you won't take it lying down. They want easy targets.
You are so right, Zekester! Bullies are typically all mouth and no fist. The only thing is in this era people are so fast to expel anyone who hits, even if it's in self-defense.
And exactly what would you do if you had a 5-10 y/o child who came home complaining of being bullied? Do you even realize what it could do to the psyche of a child who may already be self conscious of his/her looks or self image to be told "fight back"? Yes, in most cases fighting back will stop the bullying. But not everyone is capable of fighting back. Nor should they have to. The schools and the parents need to put a stop to it.
I was picked on for several reason, beginning with our family's poverty. Until I was in what at that time was called Jr. High, my clothes were 90% either homemade or hand-me-downs, sometimes both. Other girls in the class had brand new store bought clothes several times through the year. As if that didn't make me feel bad enough, add in the looks and comments I got about the clothes I wore. Then, at the age of 13 I developed a physical oddity that I live with to this day. One of my breasts is three times the size of the other. Sure, now I can hide that with padding in my bra. At 13 my mother (and the doctor) wouldn't allow it, expecting that padding would keep it from growing. And, of course, that became another 'reason' for teasing. And that teasing continued through high school and kept me from dating. Never went on a date until after high school when I met a man to whom that oddity made no difference in his feelings for me. Married him within six weeks of meeting him and was married nearly 30 years when he died in 1998.
I've never told anyone about that oddity until now and it's surprised me how much that teasing from 45 years ago still hurts.
I'm so sorry those kids were cruel to you for something you could not help. With all the modern advancements, is there anything they can do now, surgically, to correct it? Would you consider it?
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