Poll ; Have you ever been a victim of bullying? (unemployment, generations, layoffs)
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I have been asking my clients and friends the same question as the poll. It is shocking how many people have dealt with bullying in their childhood or still as adults. A client of mine who is 86 years old moved to America to San Diego from South Africa when she was 8 years old. She was teased and bullied for having an accent and for being very smart, the bullying went on till she graduated from high school. Though she is from Africa, her family relocated there from Germany when she was a toddler, she is white. Later in life she had to deal with work place bullying from men in her career of choice, the newspaper industry. It is up to the parents to teach their children that violence towards others is wrong and that violence only leads to more violence. Bullies are not born, they are a product of a neglected home life. Bullies lack love and compassion in their lives and thrive off of hurting others physically or emotionally. For me, denying them the pleasure of my reaction was enough to make them leave me alone, if they could catch me first.
I, as many of you know, was bullied mercilessly for being Jewish in the early 90s in the South. It wasn't just kids- it was adults as well. The adults focused on psychological bullying while the kids focused on physical. It didn't help that I was also objectively one of the smartest kids in my school, very ambitious, very driven, and did not fit the gender norms still expected in the rural south up until that point (ie I wanted to go to college and not be a nurse or a teacher).
I had my first suicidal thoughts at 8 years old stemming directly from the bullying. To this day, I have a hard time making friends because it became a pattern that I'd make a friend and before I knew it, their parents would have me in a church somewhere with a pastor telling me my family and I were worthless and only I could save them from hell.
That's why it amazes me when people don't think bullying is a big deal. It's a VERY big deal.
It's kind of ironic looking at my history in this forum, but I was raised to be polite no matter what, and to see mean people as people to pity and help. I didn't acquire the hardness of heart for dealing with bullies until I was a grown woman and had to put that together to protect myself and my kids. I'm still not good at it IRL though I think I put up a pretty believable front. I like to defend others -- though to this day I cringe to remember times I should have defended someone, and didn't -- but I hate having to defend myself. Don't pick on me, bro! I hate it when after you've smacked down a bully, then they roll over and want to be friends. Why would you ever be friends with somebody like that? As Hayley Mills said (of shaking hands) in The Chalk Garden (1964), "It's so animal." I wish I could go back and defend my little younger self who got bullied and had no defensive tools. But the worst of all -- it broke my heart to see my own trusting little daughter bullied and wounded. It broke my heart. I still get mad. You little beasts. I hope your lives turned out to be even more miserable than you deserved. That goes for you too, Mrs. Lincoln, erstwhile 4th grade "teacher" in 1989 at Barcroft School, Arlington, Virginia 22204. Although probably by now you're dead, tra-la :dances on your grave:
I was talking with one of my clients today and in conversation she told me that they transfered their daughter to another school due to excessive bully attacks. I was surprised because her daughter is a very pretty girl, just shy.
I did the same thing for my daughter. Dammit. Reading through this thread I'm remembering so much. Those scars don't go away for years and years, if they ever do.
If anyone has ever read Penrod (1917-thereabouts) by Booth Tarkington, the Rupe Collins chapters for me are the classic bully story.
It's kind of ironic looking at my history in this forum, but I was raised to be polite no matter what, and to see mean people as people to pity and help. I didn't acquire the hardness of heart for dealing with bullies until I was a grown woman and had to put that together to protect myself and my kids. I'm still not good at it IRL though I think I put up a pretty believable front. I like to defend others -- though to this day I cringe to remember times I should have defended someone, and didn't -- but I hate having to defend myself. Don't pick on me, bro! I hate it when after you've smacked down a bully, then they roll over and want to be friends. Why would you ever be friends with somebody like that? As Hayley Mills said (of shaking hands) in The Chalk Garden (1964), "It's so animal." I wish I could go back and defend my little younger self who got bullied and had no defensive tools. But the worst of all -- it broke my heart to see my own trusting little daughter bullied and wounded. It broke my heart. I still get mad. You little beasts. I hope your lives turned out to be even more miserable than you deserved. That goes for you too, Mrs. Lincoln, erstwhile 4th grade "teacher" in 1989 at Barcroft School, Arlington, Virginia 22204. Although probably by now you're dead, tra-la :dances on your grave:
One of my staunchest defenders from 4th grade into the beginning of High school was a guy named Kenny. He chased me home from school in 3rd grade and lived down the street from us. Only once did we actually come to blows and it was more him than I. I refused to fight and told him so, I lectured him on how unproductive that would be and asked why he hated me. He hated me for being white. Something I said stopped the bullying and he wanted to be friends. I settled for not being enemies. Many times he would step up and tell other African American guys to leave me alone, that I was cool. Being smart was not a plus, the teachers put you on a pedestal that makes you a target and the bullies try to get you to do their school work. I was petrified when my 4 grade teacher, Mrs. Woodrow, made me hall monitor. That was when they started chasing me home in groups. Fortunately my Mom was abandoned by my stepdad that year and we moved into a different school district. I say fortunately, because my stepdad was a bully too. He beat my Mom and bullied us kids into submission. He was the third bully in my life that I stood up to and won. I believe that bullies are created by bully parents who encourage the monsters they create. The psychological and physical damage done to many kids by other kids is lasting, it harms the psyche of the child, it is not the same as teasing. I was teased for being a red head, no big deal, but the attacks that were cruel about my weight, for being poor or for being smart or for being white were meant to hurt. Teasing teaches temperance, while bullying only stimulates violence.
When I turn on the TV or see on this forum that the way our ancestors ran this country is wrong, I feel that I am being bullied. Our ancestors were not perfect, but nobody is, but I think any citizen who lives in this country is better off then they would be had they been born somewhere else. And if you were born somewhere else and find that you don't like it here, you are free to leave. But please stop badmouthing my ancestors. That hurts my feelings. I love my ancestors and think they did a wonderful job with the help of God to set up the government of this country. Stop trying to destroy what they have built.
your government at work...taking control away from parents and schools..if schools don't tow the line, they will not receive your money..isn't that great..alot of kids are bullied and have been since the beginning of time...but of course..the kiddies are too big to fail too..so we have to give them a safety net..what ever happened to fending for yourself..grow a pair and stand up for yourself..unless you can't..then others will stand up for you..but it should not be the government..
your government at work...taking control away from parents and schools..if schools don't tow the line, they will not receive your money..isn't that great..alot of kids are bullied and have been since the beginning of time...but of course..the kiddies are too big to fail too..so we have to give them a safety net..what ever happened to fending for yourself..grow a pair and stand up for yourself..unless you can't..then others will stand up for you..but it should not be the government..
"Stand up and grow a pair" sounds just like what my step dad used to say to me. Well, that is easy to say, but when you are non violent and see violence as usual in your life and your dad or step dad tells you to stand up to a group of boys older and bigger than you. Try it and see how far standing up gets you, most likely a bloody nose, busted lip, maybe a broken jaw or arm or leg is what it may get you, my younger brother took the route of standing up to them and he had the busted lip, black eyes and bloody nose. He told me a few years ago that he wished he had gone my route instead. Bullies are out to hurt the one they are after, if you see that as a fact of life, then you had to endure a lot growing up. Standing up to one bully is fine, I did that a lot, but when it is kids ganging up on a single disadvantaged kid and the school does nothing about it, then we need a control greater than the school or the parents. If your child came home injured, I would wager that you would be one of the parents asking why it was allowed to happen in the first place. These are children being raised, not soldiers of war. They deserve to feel save in school, rather then dread going there. I see that you did not vote yes or no on this poll; were you bullied as a child in school or elsewhere?
Last edited by TheDragonslayer; 10-26-2010 at 11:42 AM..
your government at work...taking control away from parents and schools..if schools don't tow the line, they will not receive your money..isn't that great..alot of kids are bullied and have been since the beginning of time...but of course..the kiddies are too big to fail too..so we have to give them a safety net..what ever happened to fending for yourself..grow a pair and stand up for yourself..unless you can't..then others will stand up for you..but it should not be the government..
I am not for bullying and our school would not put up with it when I was a child, but I find the government telling people how to think and using my tax dollars for the Obama agenda one more step toward communism. I just heard a report that every school system in the country should tell the federal government to take their money and the strings attached to it and shove it. They would come out better financially to do this because the mandates required to get the money costs more than the money most school systems get. Time for big brother to go back under his rock and our school systems would improve and might get the children educated. That is something that is not happening right now.
Seems it is all right to tell a person they cannot practice their religion, but you better not tell someone what your beliefs are if you don't agree with slime ideas and do have Christian values. I hope everybody that feels this way too shows up at the polls next Tuesday. Abusive of power is being practiced and we need to stop it.
7th or 8th grade..new girl on the block. Pushy, arrogant and thought she could push me around..literally. One day she went too far..knocked my glasses off and I swung (couldn't see crap) and I hit her upside the jaw (totally by accident cause I couldn't see but what the hey).
Shock and awe....
We became good friends after that. Never asked her why she did what she did and she never volunteered.
Setting up the pecking order ?
Challenging the next alpha male/female ?
It's not new folks..but something has changed about it.
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