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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I was browsing my Facebook feed this morning and I came across a post a friend shared that was very controversial to say the least. The post suggested that making a woman believe you like her just to have sex with her be considered sexual assault. It generated a lot of strong opinions on both sides.
My thoughts: yes leading people on for sex is cruel. But criminalizing it is not something I will get behind. Consent is still given even if under false pretenses. Sex is not and should not be a money back or emotions back guarantee. It is a judgement call and punishing someone because you made a poor judgement call is not cool. It is also impossible to measure a level of emotion from an outside perspective on how much they like someone. The focus on fighting sexual assault should be on people who are having things done to them completely against their will.
How would you ever prove it? Intent is one of the hardest things to prove in court. And I can't think of a law that says we are supposed to stay with every person we have sex with forever anyway.
Nobody's ready to have that conversation yet because it's a dumb and dangerous conversation.
Absolutely not. That's thought policing, impossible to enforce, impossible to prove, and NOT a direction we should go with laws.
Plus, it is in an effort to remove personal responsibility (the woman in the equation) and I'm sorry, that is not equality.
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How in the world would there even be a metric to determine this. It's completely a "he said she said" type of thing.
That tweet was probably generated by some woman that felt used by a guy that probably did act like he wanted more or led her on. It happens, people act less than stellar all the time, men and women.
Her argument is based on a few flawed pieces of framework.
To unpack...
Every individual involved must give consent to each piece of what may or may not become a relationship. Men have the right to say no, too. True consent can be withdrawn at any time. You might agree to sex, and then change your mind, say no, and get up and leave. Saying yes at one point does not give someone the right to FORCE you to follow through against your will in such circumstances. And consent must be given not only for sex or sexual acts, but also for ongoing relationships and commitments. If someone can speak marriage vows, and later get a divorce, then no man is obligated to continue dating somebody because they had sex with them. And a choice to end an association does not necessarily equal lies and using--he can change his mind. So can she. You can like somebody one day, and not like them the next.
People need to understand that there will never be any guarantee in dating, that your feelings won't get hurt. It is part of life. Hurt feelings are valid, but they don't give you the right to claim that someone is a villain and you are a victim of wrongdoing on their part.
This also feeds into the "female sex as commodity, coin to pay for relationship/commitment/etc" concept, and I hate that. It runs completely contrary to my belief that women have every right to simply enjoy sex for its own sake, every bit as much as a man has.
That said, some people certainly engage with others under false pretenses and misrepresent themselves, to try and get what they want. I think that it sucks that anybody feels like they have to do so, and I think that it's unethical behavior. But not every piece of human dysfunction needs to be codified and criminalized, nor would it help anything to do so. It takes more than a law to teach people how to be decent humans.
I would advise the girl in question to give someone power of attorney over her as she does not sound competent enough to be on her own.
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Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Lying to women to get them to fall in love with you and have sex with you was an actual law on the books in some Latin American countries as recently as the 90's. It may still be on the books in some. It's a "bad" law, because nothing is provable. It's a he-said, she-said situation.
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