Why is it so hard to make good friends in Portland? (place to live, vs.)

[LongLeggedOne]

Originally Posted by blazenjames

Most Native Oregonians have the same friends since high school, have never lived anywhere else, think Oregon is the best place in the world and blame their problems on Californians or others who have moved to the State. Don't live in Oregon if these are the kinds of people who annoy you. There are many other places where it's better.

People in Oregon or "natives" are the MOST narrow minded I've ever found. Its worse than the south. IDC if its a Cal transplant or a native at this point. Im reminded all the time the reason I need to get the hell out of this state.

[LongLeggedOne]

Originally Posted by texasdiver

Basically since I graduated from college and grad school decades ago the only new friends my wife and I have made have either been through our jobs, our kids (parents of their friends, coaching youth soccer, etc.), or clubs (sailing and scuba diving).

That has been the same living here in the Portland metro as it was in Texas or Alaska.

Well u would THINK with all the green parks that u could talk to someone new who looks alone, right? and who might need a friend.. its not gonna happen at work, it hasnt 4 me. In a white bread vision I suppose though but people seem to have this picture perfect vision on how things go but it has not happened 4 me. I didnt like people at the jobs I had too much, I even worked alone. I had one here in Tualatin also and havent made one friend. But outside life from work should provide chances to.



School and work, church shouldnt be all the options... I just cant and dont sub to that logic.

[Huckleberry3911948]

If there is much violence in a place over prolonged periods that could make people hesitant to open up
You can’t blame them when the sheep huddle the wolves think it’s discrimination

[LongLeggedOne]

Originally Posted by fusion345

The reason it is so difficult to make friends in Portland is that it is very 'tribal.' I've lived here since high school, left for the East Coast to pursue a career and the back as a young adult. It really depends on where you live. Some established neighborhoods are full of people who feel they 'don't need any new friends.' I lived in one established neighborhood for 16 years and made only one friend. I was actually told by two people that, although I am a nice person, they just don't have room for any new friends in their life." I ended up throwing in the towel in that neighborhood and moved across to the West side where I have lived for another 16 years, have many friends, priceless neighbors and a full life. Again, it depends on the neighborhood. They all do seem to have their very own distinct personality.

It makes the east coast look awesome living out here and we all know it can be tough back east too. IMO the stress level is higher in Portland than it is in a chunk of New England. The wa people move has something to do with it too, how ppl drive. At least people dont go slow in the left lane.. the right is for going slow like it should be.



People in Oregon I notice hate to be told what to do even if its for the common good like defiant children who need to be spanked. We live more in tune to the common good in New England than people do in these parts for sure. If people act like it in Portland, its fake. I see tons more raging conservatives than anywhere else Ive been. I can see the reason the white nationalist leaders picked Oregon sometimes. and its not just limited to the groups, its just all the people who are a reflection of it but cant speak open about it that to me are the biggest issue.



Less cops can be a good thing ok, but not when it leads to all people being disconnected almost, then u will want that nosy old woman talking to u even if cops check in with the citizens a bit more, and people kinda watching what u do. In fact I thrive on that, then I can do things to get them looking, but out here ur hard pressed to find people who look at you and take any interest to what u do like at all, to where its so so isolating but got all these people on top of u and not in the sticks.. its so so odd.



If a home area state ties Oregon for how bad it is, the list extends to CT and NJ. Places I had wicked trouble in. I mean like bad bad. Oregon is like a western version of those to me. Just bad crowded as hell places with bad driving all over and jam ups.. big ones.

[texasdiver]

Originally Posted by LongLeggedOne

It makes the east coast look awesome living out here and we all know it can be tough back east too. IMO the stress level is higher in Portland than it is in a chunk of New England. The wa people move has something to do with it too, how ppl drive. At least people dont go slow in the left lane.. the right is for going slow like it should be.



People in Oregon I notice hate to be told what to do even if its for the common good like defiant children who need to be spanked. We live more in tune to the common good in New England than people do in these parts for sure. If people act like it in Portland, its fake. I see tons more raging conservatives than anywhere else Ive been. I can see the reason the white nationalist leaders picked Oregon sometimes. and its not just limited to the groups, its just all the people who are a reflection of it but cant speak open about it that to me are the biggest issue.



Less cops can be a good thing ok, but not when it leads to all people being disconnected almost, then u will want that nosy old woman talking to u even if cops check in with the citizens a bit more, and people kinda watching what u do. In fact I thrive on that, then I can do things to get them looking, but out here ur hard pressed to find people who look at you and take any interest to what u do like at all, to where its so so isolating but got all these people on top of u and not in the sticks.. its so so odd.



If a home area state ties Oregon for how bad it is, the list extends to CT and NJ. Places I had wicked trouble in. I mean like bad bad. Oregon is like a western version of those to me. Just bad crowded as hell places with bad driving all over and jam ups.. big ones.

LongLeggedOne:

I don't think geography is the reason you have a hard time making friends in Oregon.

[LongLeggedOne]

Originally Posted by texasdiver

LongLeggedOne:

I don't think geography is the reason you have a hard time making friends in Oregon.

Im comfortable on eastern standard time and I dont have enough benefits and perks out here to like it. The people are that bad. I dont know what it is, but I cant stand the vibe u give off dude.

[pantstofry]

Originally Posted by LongLeggedOne

Im comfortable on eastern standard time and I dont have enough benefits and perks out here to like it. The people are that bad. I dont know what it is, but I cant stand the vibe u give off dude.

You've posted many times about how much you hate it here and that you can't make friends here. You really can either make a stronger effort, or move away. That's really all there is to it. Texasdiver isn't giving you any sort of vibe - but he/she is correct that geography is a fairly lazy excuse to not make friends.

Having moved several times around the country, I can say Portland in my experience was no more difficult to make friends in vs. other places. Hell, it was probably easier if you have an open mind. The whole "weird" thing and the culture wasn't something I was used to when I came here, but I quickly found it's just people who enjoy something a little different. I made some like-minded friends, and I also have some not-so-quite-like minded friends. Sure, it might be tough because of the heavy transplant situation here, but it's far from impossible.

The common denominator was that I put myself out there. I spent the first few months of living here friendless because I didn't bother to interact with people. Then I made a couple friends - one moved back to CA, the other left to Utah. So I went out again and made a few more friends. I'm oversimplifying - it's not like snapping your fingers and boom, new friend, but it really just requires you to go and be social and you'll gravitate towards people you enjoy talking to, and vice versa.

[blazenjames]

Friends are overrated. Most friends aren't really friends. They're acquaintances of convenience. This is the age of Covid and masks. Most people aren't going to make conversation with strangers. Try minding your own business and staying 6+ feet away from people.

[2Z4]

Originally Posted by LongLeggedOne

It makes the east coast look awesome living out here and we all know it can be tough back east too. IMO the stress level is higher in Portland than it is in a chunk of New England. The wa people move has something to do with it too, how ppl drive. At least people dont go slow in the left lane.. the right is for going slow like it should be.



People in Oregon I notice hate to be told what to do even if its for the common good like defiant children who need to be spanked. We live more in tune to the common good in New England than people do in these parts for sure. If people act like it in Portland, its fake. I see tons more raging conservatives than anywhere else Ive been. I can see the reason the white nationalist leaders picked Oregon sometimes. and its not just limited to the groups, its just all the people who are a reflection of it but cant speak open about it that to me are the biggest issue.



Less cops can be a good thing ok, but not when it leads to all people being disconnected almost, then u will want that nosy old woman talking to u even if cops check in with the citizens a bit more, and people kinda watching what u do. In fact I thrive on that, then I can do things to get them looking, but out here ur hard pressed to find people who look at you and take any interest to what u do like at all, to where its so so isolating but got all these people on top of u and not in the sticks.. its so so odd.



If a home area state ties Oregon for how bad it is, the list extends to CT and NJ. Places I had wicked trouble in. I mean like bad bad. Oregon is like a western version of those to me. Just bad crowded as hell places with bad driving all over and jam ups.. big ones.

White Nationalist leaders did not pick Oregon specifically. White nationalists generally focused on Oregon, Washington and Idaho - because they were remote and largely white already. Most of those movements have been gone for 25+ years. The most infamous racial incident in Oregon's recent history was over 30 years ago, and the "white nationalist leader" implicated in that was a publisher of racist literature who lived in California. Couldn't tell you about the raging conservatives, Oregon's been solid blue ever since mail-in voting was implemented in 1989. In fact, the bricks through windows phenomena which has come to the forefront the last several years was spearheaded on the national level by the famous Eugene Anarchists at the WTO riot in 1999. There's a long history of left wing violence and activism in Eugene going back into the 60s.

[Jimrob1]

Portland attracks a certain type of resident in large numbers. If one doesn't fit in with the mindset in Portland, it would be difficult to make friends.