Why is it so hard to make good friends in Portland? (Eugene: how much, school)

[Tia616]

I don't think it's a Portland thing, because I have a hard time making friends here where I am in Glendale, AZ. I try to make friends from work and exchange numbers so we can hang out sometime but they never message me or write me back when I do, or want to hang out with me. And I was told by a local that people here like to stick with there own friends and don't like to add people to it. So it's kinda like being back in high school! I've always had a hard time making friends because I am different, and for other reasons that I don't know! But I think it also has to do with people becoming anti-social because of technology, I've had a dad tell me that his son will go hang out with his friends and they would all just be on their phones? Or walking around with their faces in their phones. That's just my opinion.

[JonathanLB]

I simply don’t have enough to compare to honestly. I very strongly dislike Portland, despite being born here, and am moving later this year, but I only blame the city for at most 10-20% of friendship struggles. That percent is simply based on the fact I won’t be friends with PC social justice warrior types, socialists, or radical liberals anywhere I live and there are a lot of them here. The rest of the percent is just it being tough in general to meet like minded people no matter where you go. I’ve lost friends over the years, not always a drastic thing but sometimes just don’t live near them and I made an effort, they didn’t, we fell apart, and I haven’t replenished the well. So my only friends are 12-17 year long friendships.

I don’t blame Portland directly for my low friend situation though, but it’s responsible indirectly as I’ve known for a while now I was moving in the near horizon and I didn’t want to bother putting effort into new friendships when I’m checked out here. But anywhere you go, you have to try - and make it a big priority - or it won’t happen. When I move to Vegas later this year, I already have a plan for friends the same as I have a plan for the house or whatever else that’s important. I’m a big fan of the Golden Knights, so I know my fellow fans all live in the city, and my favorite podcast and blog is their biggest fan site. They put on events and gatherings, so there’s one avenue to meet people with at least one shared interest and you go from there.

With many people, they simply don’t have time for more friends or space for them I guess. I don’t have or ever want kids, so I have more time to spend on friendships whereas parents probably don’t have that time so every single thing in their lives somehow centers on kids. Also probably why I’d be looking to make friends who either don’t have kids or maybe are older than me and had kids move out already.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by JonathanLB

I simply don’t have enough to compare to honestly. I very strongly dislike Portland, despite being born here, and am moving later this year, but I only blame the city for at most 10-20% of friendship struggles. That percent is simply based on the fact I won’t be friends with PC social justice warrior types, socialists, or radical liberals anywhere I live and there are a lot of them here. T... I didn’t want to bother putting effort into new friendships when I’m checked out here. But anywhere you go, you have to try - and make it a big priority - or it won’t happen. When I move to Vegas later this year, I already have a plan for friends the same as I have a plan for the house or whatever else that’s important. I’m a big fan of the Golden Knights, so I know my fellow fans all live in the city, and my favorite podcast and blog is their biggest fan site. They put on events and gatherings, so there’s one avenue to meet people with at least one shared interest and you go from there.

With many people, they simply don’t have time for more friends or space for them I guess. I don’t have or ever want kids, ....

Once you are emotionally 'checked-out' of an area, you no longer have a need to invest in the difficult effort of making and being a friend, so it doesn't happen.

As you depart... Leave behind in Portland, any tendencies to exclude future friends. Be a listener / volunteer / willing to invest your time in others. then... Friends will happen. Look to community volunteer events and community service projects, or community learning situations.

Investing in the passionate causes of others will bear fruit.
Find your spot, it is out there. (Here or there)

[JonathanLB]

Yeah you have to be involved to make friends and it does take effort. I say “no” a lot here because I’m trying to focus on work and have that as a priority but when I move I’m going to make it a point to say yes as much as possible and always be thinking of making new connections. I think that’s really important when you move to a new place.

I’m hoping there are more like-minded people and I have a few possible friends in Vegas already, another who left LA for Vegas as I had planned to do (ended up LA back to Portland for the girl).

[pdxMIKEpdx]

I guess it all boils down to...........Portland is one of those places where superficial acquaintances don't really count as "friends".

I know a lot of people, but very very few of them are my "friends".

[xz2y]

When I moved a few years ago from Michigan to the other Portland (ME), I found there was a real undercurrent of passive-aggressiveness that surprised me. Locals would say, "You're not from here, are you.." I ended up making friends with other transplants who were genuinely friendly, built around common interests. I was surprised at the level of passive-aggressiveness from locals, though. I left after 2 years, but mostly because of the 110" of snow in 2015.

[PNW-type-gal]

You'd have to be comparing like to like. When I worked in high tech, I heard this complaint - and people were comparing the town they went to college in or the town they grew up in to a new place. When you leave a place you have been established in (or surrounded by similar age/interest people), then, yes, it is harder to start from scratch and make friends.

I've lived in Oregon a long time and have never really had trouble making friends, and I have lived in Portland, in various Portland suburbs, in a rural area, in a smaller town. The longest I lived in any specific place was about 6 years. I probably had much closer friends when I was single and in my teens, but I haven't been either of those things in a long, long time.

[pdxMIKEpdx]

I just got back from visiting relatives in Finland and Estonia.

I can definitely see why people say that the PNW reflects Scandinavian and Nordic cultures.

Nobody really talks to anyone casually, and it seems like personal space is a three kilometer circle.

You think it's hard to make friends in Portland...............

[texasdiver]

Originally Posted by pdxMIKEpdx

I just got back from visiting relatives in Finland and Estonia.

I can definitely see why people say that the PNW reflects Scandinavian and Nordic cultures.

Nobody really talks to anyone casually, and it seems like personal space is a three kilometer circle.

You think it's hard to make friends in Portland...............

Nordic cultural lesson: Queueing. When queuing in Scandinavia, under no circumstances stand next to others. Do not make eye contact

[pdxMIKEpdx]

It isn't that bad, but close.
I found very introverted people, extreme love of nature, extremely good internet wherever you went, even in the boonies.
People just don't strike up a casual conversation on the street, the public transportation/busses are very very quiet, not a lot of public laughter and smiling, never saw any real public displays of affection, no homeless, very clean and organized.

Bascially when you are in public, you keep your head down, don't make eye contact, no casual hello's, no casual banter, just mind your own business.
When you get home amongst family and close friends, it's another story.
I noticed most friendships tend to be very old ones.

As far as interacting with people, and daily life, I felt very much at home!