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I am 39 and pregnant, so I'm not going to tell you it's a bad thing, or you're too old, etc etc...
I don't think it's a matter of age (believe me, older moms to be are well cared after!), it's a matter of whether you really want another child or not. Obviously, you're not too sure about that. I think you should discuss it with your husband, listing all the pros and cons, and above all, being honest about how you feel about that. But don't have a baby just to please him!
Isnt 40 too old to have a baby?....my husband and I have been married for over a year and he wants a baby.
I already have 3 kids..2 are adults and 1 is 10 years old. I dont want anymore although I would love to have a part of him.
Any insights?
It's kinda late for a first child; for 4th - no. Didn't you discuss such an important issue before getting married? If he does want his own child, I don't think it's fair of you to deny him that.
Isnt 40 too old to have a baby?....my husband and I have been married for over a year and he wants a baby.
I already have 3 kids..2 are adults and 1 is 10 years old. I dont want anymore although I would love to have a part of him.
Any insights?
That's a tough call Donna.
All I can say is, I wouldn't be comfortable doing it personally.
The odds of Downs Syndrone just increase so dramatically over 40 that I would be a nervous wreck.
Plus, by 40 you are getting used to a little more freedom to do what you want as kids are getting older and needing you less and less. If you have a baby you start that process all over again. Can you deal with that?
I'm wondering what your discussions on this subject were like before you married?
One of my doctors had twins at 41 (boy and girl, insta-family!) and one of my buddies had her daughter a few weeks after turning 40. There are some risks with "advanced maternal age," true, but there are plenty of women in their early 40s having healthy babies.
It's the whole notion of having a kid in college while you're looking at Medicare that's scary, methinks, never mind changing diapers during perimenopause and dealing with teenagers and hot flashes at the same time.
Plus, I dunno. Having a child to have a "piece" of your husband seems kind of short-sighted, if I may be so bold. My own humble opinion is that the only good reason to have a kid is for the kid's sake, not your own or your husband's ("you" in the general here).
Both passed away before I was 25. Not fun being a 25 year-old orphan
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
Eh, some people have longer lives...
But not much, if you think about the average lifespan.
My mother had just turned 38 and my father was 40 when they had me. My mother died when I was 33, but her first life-threatening hospitalization occurred when I was 26.
Besides, with obesity skyrocketing in the U.S. and the way people in this country are getting type 2 diabetes earlier and earlier in life (it used to be unheard of in people younger than 60), which means their first heart attacks are coming earlier and earlier, I wouldn't count on anyone in the U.S. living longer unless they are a healthy weight.
Isnt 40 too old to have a baby?....my husband and I have been married for over a year and he wants a baby.
I already have 3 kids..2 are adults and 1 is 10 years old. I dont want anymore although I would love to have a part of him.
Any insights?
I think it depends on where YOU are in YOUR life and how YOU are feeling. Since you have already raised you kids, and have a 10 year old, it may seem daunting to start all over. I did not get married until I was 38, and so I gave birth to my 3 kids at 40, 43 and 47, all conceived naturally and all healthy. I realize that I am fortunate. Things don't always go as smoothly for some.
If you do not want more children, do not have them. But no, 40 is not too old to have a baby for some people.
My mom gave birth to my bro. when she was 40, 3 months after my oldest sister had her first child. He was #4. I dont recall her having any difficulty or regrets, but the pregnancy was an accident and she made dad get a vac. after that pregnancy at the age of 50.
Personally, I would not want to start over at 40. I also would not have a child for the reason you are considering it. Most likely, you will be the major care taker, you may end up widowed or divorced and having to care for a child again (maybealone) at the age you should be getting your freedom back and enjoying your life.
My situation is a little different, as I had my first and only child at 42, so I wasn't starting over, I was just starting.
Personally I'm glad I waited. I had a career that was all consuming and it would have been selfish to have a baby while I was in the thick of it. Besides that, I had not met the right man to have a child with up until then, and besides that, having a child was not a high priority for me when I was younger, and I really didn't think I wanted kids at all.
I don't think our generation's 40 is the same as previous generation's 40. I think people in general at this age have a much more youthful outlook than our predecessors. Plus I think people in the 40's are much better prepared for the huge commitment that is a child, they tend to have mellowed as far as partying and what not and are stable in their careers and general outlook on life. My mother had me at 19 and never did lose the resentment that she never got to do what she truly wanted in life.
As for the health aspects of "advanced maternal age" (I hate that classification, sounds like you're ready for the nursing home already) there are plenty of screenings that will indicate whether you have a risk of having a down syndrome child, if you wish to avail yourself of them, should that be your primary concern.
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If he does want his own child, I don't think it's fair of you to deny him that.
