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Old 09-29-2010, 10:29 AM
 
Location: Orlando, Florida
43,854 posts, read 50,892,121 times
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I had my last two kids in my early 30's....15 years after my first. The hardest thing I had to deal with is having teens while I was also going into my menopausal years. Hot flashes and an unruly 16 year old was quite the combo!!!

Still though, if you are healthy, I don't think anyone is too old to become a great parent for a child. A family is a family....regardless of the age span.
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Old 09-29-2010, 10:48 AM
 
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I had my daughter in my late 30's and have never regretted it. In fact, she makes me feel younger. Both my husband and I wanted her very much. You say your husband wants his own. Will he treat his baby differently that your 10 yr old?

Women having babies in their 40's is alot more common now w/ many having put their careers first before motherhood. Here's a link to other women pregnant after 40.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppafterforty
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Old 09-29-2010, 01:08 PM
 
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I had our third child a week after turning 40. It was an unexpected pregnancy, our older kids were 12/14. I didn't do the amnio, I was afraid of risks. I had some kind of comprehensive ultrasound/blood tests instead, which showed the baby most likely was perfectly healthy, and he was. But as already noted, the risk of DS etc. does rise after 35, so only the OP can make this decision. I do get tired a little more easily than I did the first two times around, but on the other hand, I am far more patient than before. And I know a lot of other older moms such as myself, it's not as uncommon these days as it used to be. Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Old 09-29-2010, 01:17 PM
 
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My grandmother had a baby at the age of 40 so I have an uncle who is younger than I am. Additionally, my father's third wife desperately wanted a baby and he is 68 with a kid in high school. So, really it's up to your preference and a strong desire and your health as determined by a doctor. I can say that she desperately wanted the child more than he did and they have and are having a lot of issues with this kid the whole time he was growing up. So, keep in mind you need to be prepared to handle everything, including a disability, if that is the outcome. I would think long and hard at the various scenerios. While everyone takes a risk with pregancy and children, having them later in life adds to any hardships you may face.

If, after all this and great thought. you decide to continue with having a child. I do so hope it is a blessed event with a happy, healthy child to bring you love, happiness and family to your lives.
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Old 09-29-2010, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
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I completely disagree with the poster who suggested you get the opinions of all the other children in the family. Why should they be consulted with such a personal decision?

If you can financially handle a child at this age and make provisions of it's life if you die before it is grown, then it doesn't concern them.

My husband and I decided to add 2 infant daughters to our family thru adoption at the "very Old" ages of 55 and 62. We never considered asking our grown kids. We did tell them in plenty of time for them to get used to the idea but we also promised them they would not be expected to raise them if we did not live to see them grown. We also told them that since each of them got a free college education from us, the bulk of our estates would be put in trust for the care and education of the new sisters. They seem alright with that and they love the girls very much.

Of course we were talked about and faced some criticism but we don't give a hoot. Nobody's business but our own. They are 8 now, we are 64 and 70 and DH is still working but only by choice and things are going fine. When I think what their lives would have been like if we hadn't brought them home to USA, I shudder. Wish I could have brought the whole orphanage home. Somebody has to do it.
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Old 09-29-2010, 05:23 PM
 
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I'm 40 with 4 kids and I would not want another one. I was advanced maternal age with my 4th and had complications (not sure if they were age related or luck of the draw) and I spent more time than I would have liked at the perinatologist's office getting sonograms and checks, constantly on edge. Baby is fine and was fine at birth, just a nervewracking pregnancy. Plenty of 40 yr olds have healthy babies but it is just one of the many things you need to consider.
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:08 PM
 
Location: The brown house on the cul de sac
2,080 posts, read 4,827,979 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DONNIEANDDONNA417 View Post
Isnt 40 too old to have a baby?....
No, it is absolutely not too old. Where I live, many women put off having children because of careers. My close circle of friends includes 6 other over 40 moms....all the kids are healthy...no birth defects.

What is a challenge is getting your prepregnancy body back and dealing with lack of sleep.

For someone who wants a baby I wouldn't let being over 40 stop them.
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Old 09-30-2010, 09:15 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,674,213 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MAtheBanker View Post
My mom had me at 40. My dad was 44.

Both passed away before I was 25. Not fun being a 25 year-old orphan
It's not fun being an orphan at any age. People die from cancer, car accidents, etc., all the time leaving small children orphaned. Being older parents doesn't increase that risk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
The odds of Downs Syndrone just increase so dramatically over 40 that I would be a nervous wreck.
If you look at the chart posted, the odds 'increase dramatically' during the 30s, not 40s.

Kids who are born to parents 40 or so usually are quieter and more studious than those born to young parents. The mother is more calm right from the start and kids never gain that urgency and anxiety that other kids have. Kids grow up with the benefit of wisdom their parents developed over time and are better for it.

My last was born when I was 40. When she attended public school, there were many children her age born to mothers who some would consider older (Not even one had DS.). You can tell a difference by observing over the years, which children are born to older parents, and who was born to young ones.
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Old 09-30-2010, 10:36 AM
 
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If your husband is on board I wouldn't let your age stop you.

I had my third child earlier this year at age 40. My "bonus baby" is the joy of my life. I am having much more fun with her than with my older children (ages 11 and 9). With my older children I was so worried about doing everything right I didn't enjoy just being with them. Now, I'm much more confident and relaxed and pretty much parent by instinct, which is good for everyone imo.

As far as ds is concerned, the odds are higher, but you will still have a 97 percent chance of having a child without ds (according to the genetic counselor we met with). Plus, now there's a test (CVS) that can be done even earlier than an amnio if you want to have genetic testing. We skipped the amnio b/c of the risk of miscarriage and had another type of non-invasive blood test combined with a high definition blood test, which showed our baby was most likely healthy.

Also, remember that anyone can have a baby with ds. The two women at our school who have children with ds were 29 and 25 when they delivered. Neither had amnio so it was quite a surprise but they love their children and they are happy and thriving.

As far as conception is concerned, it may not be any harder than when you had your older children. I got pregnant after one unprotected encounter during a time in my cycle when I wasn't supposed to be fertile. Still, it might not be a bad idea to have a pre-conception visit with your ob/gyn to check everything out.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Old 09-30-2010, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Georgia, USA
36,971 posts, read 40,923,413 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46 View Post
If your husband is on board I wouldn't let your age stop you.

I had my third child earlier this year at age 40. My "bonus baby" is the joy of my life. I am having much more fun with her than with my older children (ages 11 and 9). With my older children I was so worried about doing everything right I didn't enjoy just being with them. Now, I'm much more confident and relaxed and pretty much parent by instinct, which is good for everyone imo.

As far as ds is concerned, the odds are higher, but you will still have a 97 percent chance of having a child without ds (according to the genetic counselor we met with). Plus, now there's a test (CVS) that can be done even earlier than an amnio if you want to have genetic testing. We skipped the amnio b/c of the risk of miscarriage and had another type of non-invasive blood test combined with a high definition blood test, which showed our baby was most likely healthy.

Also, remember that anyone can have a baby with ds. The two women at our school who have children with ds were 29 and 25 when they delivered. Neither had amnio so it was quite a surprise but they love their children and they are happy and thriving.

As far as conception is concerned, it may not be any harder than when you had your older children. I got pregnant after one unprotected encounter during a time in my cycle when I wasn't supposed to be fertile. Still, it might not be a bad idea to have a pre-conception visit with your ob/gyn to check everything out.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Great idea! And don't forget to take your folic acid!
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