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I can sort of relate...my sig. other and I are in the opposite situation. I'm in my early 30s and have not had kids, but definitely want at least one. My ex is a bit older, has a son who is a young adult, and had zero plans for more kids when we met. I want to wait a few more years before trying to become a mom (I'm in grad school). I really don't know if I could accept not having a child. We were not sure how this would play out, and we still aren't 100% sure, but I am so fortunate and grateful that he says when the time comes, if I want to do it, he is on board.
He is a terrific father to his son. I know it will be a challenge for both of us but especially him if we do decide to have a child in a few years, but I think his age and experience will make him an awesome father. We are also professionally and financially secure at this point in life...I think there are a lot of advantages to it, versus having kids in your 20s.
Whatever you decide, best of luck.
If you don't want another child, as you stated from the beginning, then the age is irrelevant. What I mean is that you shouldn't use the fact that you are 40 as an excuse. After all, women are having children in their 40's now even more than before, when many of them were denied rewarding careers. The advance of medicine is fortunately helping them have healthy children later in life.
But you don't have to justify your choice in front of anybody, not even yourself. It's your right to say no to having children, at any age (be it 20, 30 or 40).
As others have mentioned, the risk of Downs is a bit higher and someone does need to consider that. Also, for many women, it's a moot point because their fertility may have dropped by the age of 40. All that said,however, from the viewpoint of the ripe old age of 55 here, I don't even think of 40 as that old.. If a woman can still get pregant naturally, I don't see a problem with it all things being equal.
Isnt 40 too old to have a baby?....my husband and I have been married for over a year and he wants a baby.
I already have 3 kids..2 are adults and 1 is 10 years old. I dont want anymore although I would love to have a part of him.
Any insights?
When my husband and I married I already had 4 kids. The man is a saint! Anyway, we decided to try for one more. Our daughter was born 6 weeks before my 40th birthday. She's 14 now. I was a little more tired during the pregnancy but other than that it was just like my other pregnancies.
Before you commit to another child though weigh the pros and cons, and have a long talk with your DH.
Hi Donna,
I read you have three kids but does your husband have any? Reason I ask is here is a different perspective. I married a man who had been married before and has two kids. I have never been married before and no children. I didn't think it was important to me to have kids when I was thirty then my heart changed a few years latter. You can read about this in more detail in this forum pregnancy titled need advice. If your husband does not have any children how is he going to feel if you say no? I realize you have kids he can enjoy but you stated you have only been married a year. He may want to be part of the whole child raising with you from conception on. If he has never had a child and you say no, will he grow to resent you? Men are not as verbal as women he may not tell you how he feels deep down. He may also set his feelings of wanting a baby aside out of love for you. Then latter in life regret never having a child. If he has had his own children before then you can say we have both been part of one of life's greatest gifts, let enjoy our children and look forward to our grandchildren.
Now with all that said. Even if he has never had children, it's your body and your decision. You do not want to have a baby just for him and latter resent the child. (Is it even possible to resent having your own child? Maybe resent you decision is a better way to state it.). If you google having baby at forty you will see it's the new twenty! I have read a lot about it because I am thirty nine and want to have my first child. Yes, the risk of ds is higher but birth defects can happen at any age. They say older couples are often better parents. Also there are studies that women who have babies latter live longer. Of course you have to decide what's best for you and the potential future child. I just wanted you to hear from someone who is married to someone who does not want anymore children and the potential impact to the marriage. Because if the answer to your husband is no. No matter how hard he tries he might have trouble with feelings of regret and resentment. Just my 2 cents.
Nothing wrong with us old timers raising babies, my wife and I are both 40 with 2 kids 16 and 12. My wife just sat me down to tell me we have another on the way.
The funny part is recently we started talking about early retirement and travel plans once the kids go their own way. Thatks karma for you, but we're happy as can be with the blessing.
The tough part will be giving up cigars and working out to keep up with the little one.
40 isn't too old to have a baby, but you stated that you don't want one. No one wants to be the unwanted child.
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. If a woman can still get pregant naturally, I don't see a problem with it all things being equal.
