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I don't take that the wrong way, but I will just add that having 2 parents is not always the best either. I grew up with a mother who never wanted to be married and have kids and let us know that (to this day still), but did "because that's what everyone was doing". I often wished she had left us and let my father take care of us.
I am sure that was and will always be painful but you still had two parents physically present. You are minimizing the effect a single parent has on a child from your own experience and can't do that.
I raised 2 sons alone and I think I did a pretty good job and we all got along very well and they were happy, well adjusted kids. They never said it but I knew that they yearned for a father and not a day went by that it didn't break my heart that they didn't have one.
To willingly have a child without a second parent is selfish and irresponsible. I really don't mean to be harsh, but it is.
My mother has never been a mother to me, and to this day she still is not. I know I could've done better without her around, sorry to say. She has my life putting me down and telling me I am not what she wanted in a daughter.
I would much rather have grown up without her and I would've thanked for stepping out of the picture knowing she felt that way.
But my original post wasn't asking if I was selfish to bring a child into the world alone, it was asking people how they have coped with not being able to have kids.
So is having kids you don't want, and IMO it's worse than willingly bringing a child into the world knowing there won't be 2 parents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTGirlNoMore
My mother has never been a mother to me, and to this day she still is not. I know I could've done better without her around, sorry to say. She has my life putting me down and telling me I am not what she wanted in a daughter.
I would much rather have grown up without her and I would've thanked for stepping out of the picture knowing she felt that way.
Again, you are drawing from your own experiences which you cannot do.
You are a grown woman certainly free to make your own choices but the dreams of being a mother and the realities of being a single parent are so far from anything you could possibly conjure up in your mind. Trust me, I have done it. Imagine how difficult you think it may be to raise a child on your own. Now multiply that times 1,000 and you may be somewhat close.
the best line I ever heard..."you spend nine months worrying about how difficult it is going to be and the next 18 years wishing it were that easy."
Well, OP, you asked how to get over not being able to have children. Your insurance won't pay for trying because you're not married.
Sure, this thread isn't about single parenting. However, accepting it's not a good idea to purposely bringing children into this world without a father could be a first step to accepting that you can't have children. Afterall, not being married is a major reason you can't have children.
It's irrelevant that people shouldn't have children they don't want. Purposely becoming a single parent without significant financial resources is also not good for children too. And it's clear you don't have the proper financial resources to be a single parent because you can't afford infertility treatments without health insurance and you can't afford to pay for an adoption.
Hey, you're the one who wished your mother left you wtih your father to raise you. Just imagine if your father hadn't been there and you had no other parent. Just imagine your child feeling like you weren't a good parent but not having anyone else in his/her life except you.
Accepting these things are part of getting on the road of accepting that you can't have children. And that's why you started this thread.
Well, OP, you asked how to get over not being able to have children. Your insurance won't pay for trying because you're not married.
Afterall, not being married is a major reason you can't have children.
Actually, you couldn't be more wrong. My health prevents me from getting pregnant, so even if I was married I would still need treatments.
As far as not having the money, um there IS a difference. Having to come up with tens of thousands of dollars BEFORE having a kid is much more different than not needing the money to have one.
How many people have $40,000+ laying around when they start a family?
I didn't start this thread to be told I am irresponsible for wanting to be a single parent. Perhaps anyone who thinks that and winds up a single parent should then give their child(ren) up for adoption?
Actually, you couldn't be more wrong. My health prevents me from getting pregnant, so even if I was married I would still need treatments.
As far as not having the money, um there IS a difference. Having to come up with tens of thousands of dollars BEFORE having a kid is much more different than not needing the money to have one.
How many people have $40,000+ laying around when they start a family?
Not many, I don't think.
And having health problems is condusive to single parenting??
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTGirlNoMore
I didn't start this thread to be told I am irresponsible for wanting to be a single parent. Perhaps anyone who thinks that and winds up a single parent should then give their child(ren) up for adoption?
Absolutely not because they didn't go into it thinking they would be a single parent.
I realize you feel you are being picked on but what Hopes said above is spot on. Realizing you do not have the financial resources/help along with being single should help put you on the road to acceptance.
You will never really "accept" the fact that you can't have children. BUT, it will be easier for you if you accept the fact that it might not be a good idea.
I think that there are a lot of women that have reached their menopause years and still want children. They don't really "accept" it or like it. They just build their lives around the fact that there won't be any children. This is what you need to do. Get on with your life. Build your interest around other things.
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