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And with all due respect, you are also speaking from the POV of someone who did not ever have to face the prospect of never having children. Few women who have been fortunate enough to have had their children seem able to comprehend the pain behind involuntary childlessness.
I'm sure it is hard to be a single parent as I know single parents. I also am an infertile, childless woman who knows other infertile, childless women, and there are no days off from that pain either.
Most people have the good fortune to never have to give their fertility a single thought, other than how to prevent a pregnancy. It's a huge emotional shock to be in the position of not even getting to make the choice the vast majority of the human race takes for granted because the 'choice' has been made for you.
Me personally, no. My mother couldn't have children either, so she adopted my brother and I.
When my best friend was in her early 30s she still hadn't found Mr Right and was considering getting inseminated and going it alone. I did my best to convince her not to do it and she decided to wait a while. She met Mr Right and it turned out she had infertility problems anyway.
I held her hand and gave her my shoulder for 3 solid years through treatment after treatment and heartache after heartache until she finally got pregnant. She has since thanked me for convincing her to wait and not do it alone because she is now sure she never could have done it without her husband.
I am not minimizing the heartache of not having a child. I am asking why an alternative such as fostering or adopting a child who is already born and needs some love is such a bad option?
I am not minimizing the heartache of not having a child. I am asking why an alternative such as fostering or adopting a child who is already born and needs some love is such a bad option?
Where did I say it was BAD option?
I simply said it was not an option, and I didn't share why as it was something I didn't want to get into.
But please, tell me where I said it was a BAD option.
I'm not sure if I am posting in the right area, so I apologize.
Has anyone ever NOT been able to conceive and not able to do IUI or IVF? How have you been able to move forward from this? I have had some health issues and now cannot conceive on my own. There is very little chance that IUI would work for me and I would have to go the route of IVF.
Did you already do an infertility workup? If you can get your doctor to code it as "irregular periods", "endometriosis" or "pelvic pain" you might get a lot of your costs covered by insurance even if you are single. I got all of my workup covered under other diagnoses.
Also have you looked into getting IVF in other countries where it is cheaper? Probably not the safest option, but it depends on the risks you are willing to take to have a child.
Did you already do an infertility workup? If you can get your doctor to code it as "irregular periods", "endometriosis" or "pelvic pain" you might get a lot of your costs covered by insurance even if you are single. I got all of my workup covered under other diagnoses.
Also have you looked into getting IVF in other countries where it is cheaper? Probably not the safest option, but it depends on the risks you are willing to take to have a child.
Completely off topic but I would like everyone to please continue to complain about the rising cost of healthcare.
Completely off topic but I would like everyone to please continue to complain about the rising cost of healthcare.
Yeah, seriously.
I want to add to my previous post that I think one of the reasons being around children makes me so sad is that I have not fully accepted not being able to have children so far. I'm young (24), so this hasn't been expected. For us, IVF or the like are not a consideration because it is against our religious beliefs. However, we do plan on adopting once we move to a new place.
- please google "Pregnancy parenting after DE IVF"
- you will find a MUCH more accepting circle of women there, - women who did DE(donor egg), surrogacy or IVF, --- single women who did DE/DS, too, --- you will be able to ask any questions whatsoever, - about costs, and procedures. Some had costs much less than $40K - it so much depends on state/country/clinic. One clinic in CA has $10K cost with 100% refund (no pregnancy - money returned).
Edited to add: in the header of that forum , there are links to other forums depending on your situation: Single mothers by choice, Using DE and surrogacy, High FSH forum, etc.
And with all due respect, you are also speaking from the POV of someone who did not ever have to face the prospect of never having children. Few women who have been fortunate enough to have had their children seem able to comprehend the pain behind involuntary childlessness.
That's not true in my case! When I was a teenager, I was told that I woudn't have children. I only had one ovary on one side and one tube on the other side, and that one ovary I had didn't work right? How did I accept it? I just accepted it as a fact. Never once did I contemplate doing whatever I could to have a child. I got on with my life and almost two decades later I was surprised with a pregnancy. But I guarantee you that I didn't spend those two decades sad about not being able to have children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by netwit
Most people have the good fortune to never have to give their fertility a single thought, other than how to prevent a pregnancy. It's a huge emotional shock to be in the position of not even getting to make the choice the vast majority of the human race takes for granted because the 'choice' has been made for you.
That same choice was made for me at a very young age. I viewed myself as ripped off or damaged goods. I actually considered it a bonus to not have to worry about birth control.
Quote:
Originally Posted by netwit
I am married but I have nothing against single women choosing to have children.
The reason her being single became an issue in this thread is simply because her health insurance refuses to pay for anything since she doesn't have a partner. She says it's unfair. Many of us think the health insurance is honoring its social responsibility. You can thank Octomom for that! I know, health insurance didn't pay for hers, but after that fiasco, it will be a cold day in Hell before a health insurance company pays for a single woman to have fertility treatments. THAT woman was mentally unstable to continue having children she couldn't afford as a single mother.
I just want to say that sometimes this words backwards. If I'm around kids, I get even more upset with not being able to have any.
I can totally relate to that. Sometimes when my children are struggling with a difficult phase in their teen or young adult years, I get very sad when I see younger children playing in a park or the streets. It reminds me of the good years, the years they were happy, before things became difficult for them. I think to myself that if I lost one of them, if one of them died, I wouldn't be able to look at children. I've wondered if there is a place where adults never have to see children---if my life ever came to that. Of course, I'm sure I would be able to function in society being able to see children, but I'm absolutely certain that volunteering and purposely putting myself around children would make me feel very sad, not fullfilled.
Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13
I want to add to my previous post that I think one of the reasons being around children makes me so sad is that I have not fully accepted not being able to have children so far. I'm young (24), so this hasn't been expected. For us, IVF or the like are not a consideration because it is against our religious beliefs. However, we do plan on adopting once we move to a new place.
Adoption is a great option for couples in this situation. Unless the reason you can't have children is due to something absolute, like cancer, there's always a small possibility that you could someday be surprised with a pregnancy like I was. I hope you come to terms with acceptance for your own happiness. I guess I was able to readily accept it because I was extremely young, much younger than you, when I was told I couldn't have children. I hadn't even reached a point in my life of even contemplating having children. That's a big difference. But I do know about acceptence and it does makes a big difference in personal happiness.
Completely off topic but I would like everyone to please continue to complain about the rising cost of healthcare.
Not sure exactly which part of my post you are addressing, but taxpayers aren't paying for it. My workplace is a top notch hospital with private operations, and financially they can absorb the extra cost as a favor to their own (since we are seeing their staff and they have their own labs etc). They pay a hefty premium for insurance which partly comes out of my paycheck. Plus, menstrual irregularlty / endometriosis / pelvic pain is a perfectly good reason to work somebody up because there can be many underlying and treatable causes, whether you are single or married.
Personally I don't think married people should receive any extra benefits. God knows how many people get divorced so what does it matter.
Last edited by miyu; 04-12-2011 at 04:07 PM..
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