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I'm not sure where your source of information is regarding the cost of IVF, but it's no where near 40k. Most centers also have payment plans. Why not start stashing away funds now? I mean if you had a baby you would have to pay for daycare, diapers, formula, etc. How much would your medical insurance go up? As a single parent, what are your plans if you died while the child was still young? What is your living situation? Do you have life insurance? Would you ultimately need a bigger place? Why not live your financial life now as if you had a baby? See what it's really like. You would stunned how fast that savings would grow if you saved all the $ it takes to raise a child.
and my father died of cancer when I was 3 and my mom got hit by a drunk driver when I was 6 causing us to go into the system.
I'm truly sorry you lost both of your parents at such a young age. I can't help but wonder why that doesn't make you realize how important it is for a child to have both parents---so someone is around if something happens to the other. If the OP has a child without any father whatsoever, she is starting out as the only parent. If something happens to her, her child would end up in foster care.
You lucked out having a great foster mom but your brother wasn't so lucky. Why would anyone play the odds and knowingly birth a child into a situation where the odds of this happening increase? And how could someone whose family was torn apart by the foster system think for a moment that it's a good idea for a child to be brought into this world with only one parent?
What the OP is proposing is completely different from if you broke up with your boyfriend and raised the child on your own. Why? Because your child would still have a father. The OP's child would never have a father and nobody to take care of the child if something happened to the OP.
If the OP dies, there's only foster care. It is not right to bring a child into this world knowing that it is more likely to end up in the foster care system. Having a brother who was moved from place to place, I'm a bit surprised you support such a plan.
Volunteer at a place for needy children. Maybe be a foster parent. Surround yourself with children and maybe it will help. There are plenty of children already born who could use some love and guidance...help give it to them.
I just want to say that sometimes this words backwards. If I'm around kids, I get even more upset with not being able to have any.
im so sorry that you're unable to have children. im only 18 but i often wonder if i will be in the same situation later on due to certain circumstances. however negative this is, theres always a positive in everything...maybe you could take this opportunity to volunteer with children. help a new mom when she brings home a baby, watch a girlfriends kids while she goes out with her husband for date night, or volunteer at a boys & girls club.
After sulking for about a year I came to terms with not having kids by focusing on the positive aspects such as having financial and personal freedom. I also came up with a concrete plan for how much I was willing to try and how much money I was willing to spend on conception before I stopped. I could genuinely say that I was okay with not having kids because I had gone through my plan.
But of course, after I came to the acceptance was when I got pregnant. It takes some time to work up enthusiasm for pregnancy after you have already planned for the opposite.
Nobody ever takes into account how hard it is to raise kids alone. I think they see so many people doing it that it can't be that hard. It is. Excruciatingly.
There are no days off. There are no hours off. I watch home movies of the boys and I am exhausted and wondering how the hell I did it. I got lucky that it all worked out okay, but that is certainly not a guarantee.
And with all due respect, you are also speaking from the POV of someone who did not ever have to face the prospect of never having children. Few women who have been fortunate enough to have had their children seem able to comprehend the pain behind involuntary childlessness.
I'm sure it is hard to be a single parent as I know single parents. I also am an infertile, childless woman who knows other infertile, childless women, and there are no days off from that pain either.
Most people have the good fortune to never have to give their fertility a single thought, other than how to prevent a pregnancy. It's a huge emotional shock to be in the position of not even getting to make the choice the vast majority of the human race takes for granted because the 'choice' has been made for you.
I'm truly sorry you lost both of your parents at such a young age. I can't help but wonder why that doesn't make you realize how important it is for a child to have both parents---so someone is around if something happens to the other. If the OP has a child without any father whatsoever, she is starting out as the only parent. If something happens to her, her child would end up in foster care.
You lucked out having a great foster mom but your brother wasn't so lucky. Why would anyone play the odds and knowingly birth a child into a situation where the odds of this happening increase? And how could someone whose family was torn apart by the foster system think for a moment that it's a good idea for a child to be brought into this world with only one parent?
What the OP is proposing is completely different from if you broke up with your boyfriend and raised the child on your own. Why? Because your child would still have a father. The OP's child would never have a father and nobody to take care of the child if something happened to the OP.
If the OP dies, there's only foster care. It is not right to bring a child into this world knowing that it is more likely to end up in the foster care system. Having a brother who was moved from place to place, I'm a bit surprised you support such a plan.
Hope? The same reason anyone brings children into the world.
I'm not sure if I am posting in the right area, so I apologize.
Has anyone ever NOT been able to conceive and not able to do IUI or IVF? How have you been able to move forward from this? I have had some health issues and now cannot conceive on my own. There is very little chance that IUI would work for me and I would have to go the route of IVF.
However, my insurance will not cover anything. I am single, so of course have not been trying, and because of that nothing is covered (I think that's b.s. since it's not my choice to be single).
Anyhow, I've come to realize that my dream of becoming a mother will not come true. My mind has accepted that. but my heart hasn't. If that makes sense. I've been to therapy, but it hasn't helped a lot since this is something that I am having trouble getting through.
I was wondering if anyone else has been through this and how have you worked through it?
(please note that adoption or fostering is not an option - many people have suggested that to me)
I'm 48 and I still have not come to terms with not being able to have children ('unexplained' infertility). I went through infertility treatments. I don't know if anyone ever comes to terms with it, but time helps a little. Even so 3 nights ago I dreamed of a little girl reaching out her arms to me, and in my dream, I rejected her or rather the idea because it had caused so much hurt already. Then in the dream I went from 'rejecting' her to holding her and weeping my eyes out.
I am married but I have nothing against single women choosing to have children.
I have not been able to come back to this thread until now after being blasted by so many. Until you are in my shoes, you cannot speak for what I think/know, etc. As far as the poster who asked about the cost of IVF - if you think it's lower, you are quite wrong.
To those who know where I am coming from - thank you.
As far as people who think "what if you die - who will take care of your kid?" - well what if there is a 2 parent family and both parents die - kinda the same thing, no? It DOES happen.
And with all due respect, you are also speaking from the POV of someone who did not ever have to face the prospect of never having children. Few women who have been fortunate enough to have had their children seem able to comprehend the pain behind involuntary childlessness.
I'm sure it is hard to be a single parent as I know single parents. I also am an infertile, childless woman who knows other infertile, childless women, and there are no days off from that pain either.
Most people have the good fortune to never have to give their fertility a single thought, other than how to prevent a pregnancy. It's a huge emotional shock to be in the position of not even getting to make the choice the vast majority of the human race takes for granted because the 'choice' has been made for you.
Thank you so much for this post. I could NOT agree more. Everything you said, so true. I find the people who give rude/negative comments are usually the ones who have never had to think twice about being in this situation.
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