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I was. Middle School was the worst. I wouldn't go back in time if you gave me millions of dollars!
As a result I am shy, have had self esteem issues, trust issues, problems fitting in, paranoia that people are talking about me, trying too hard to make people like me which results in being taken advantage of.
Seems like most women my age have a clique of friends. I do not which makes me socially awkward at parties and social events. This makes me look like a b**** instead of just being shy and socially awkward.
I was bullied starting kindergarten and up until grade 11 or so and I have all of the above too. Always feeling like an outcast, feeling like people are making fun of me behind my back, etc.
Though I'm not sure how much of it is cause vs effect. The reason I was bullied in the first place is because I was always painfully shy and socially awkward as a child, so that's just part of my personality rather than an effect of bullying. I never knew how to fit in or make friends, I was always quiet, mature, the 5-going-on-30 kid, was academically gifted, had a very rich imaginary life, and tended to bury myself in books and imagination, and tended to see other kids my age almost as a different species, never got the loudness, rough-housing, active games, running around etc., and was in fact terrified of it all. So of course I was always the outcast; even now, it's very hard for me to make friends, I always feel that when I try to meet new people, the other women all become friends with each other really easily, while for me that might only happen with certain types of people. I often feel like I'm being judged, or at least ignored and alienated...
I was bullied in 7th grade by a group of 3 guys who were bigger then me. I walked last into class one day and beat them out of their seats with a whiffle bat. They never bothered me again and we actually became friends a couple years later. Guess I had to gain their respect or something. I was always the quiet guy, and sort of on the shy side. Still am at times. But going into highschool I joined a local martial arts club and that boosted my confidence tenfold. To this day I fear no man. Women on the other hand...
I'm so sorry, Chris. I was only bullied to a small degree but even that has affected me into adulthood, so I really can't imagine the repercussions of those that experienced the relentless bullying you described.
I was berated so much by the only boyfriend I had in high school that I have not dated or had an intimate experience since..and I'm 27. So yes..I feel maladjusted.
My heart goes out to everyone who still struggles with those scars of their bullied past. Sometimes others invalidate my feelings and are baffled as to why I am not over it..yes it was a long time ago, but I still remember how it felt, and in those moments it doesn't matter that I am an adult long removed from those situations, I feel that pain.
And it happened when we were internalizing those experiences into our self-concept..at the most vulnerable time in one's lifetime..it's like a handprinted hardened into cement.
I don't say this to make us sound hopeless. Just to validate that you are not alone and the pain is real. What helped me is to reparent myself and give myself the support I longed for back then. To tell myself that they are the ones to be pitied, how can they treat someone like that? Their standards must be so low for themselves.
I tell myself that I am worthy of love and acceptance just as I am. And I was back then. I remind myself of the people that love me, the people that have gone out of their way for me and what they did, the compliments I've been told. Even when these things seem few and far between, it helps build resilience and a go-to arsenal to combat those feelings of inadequacy that have yielded from bullying.
Sorry to be so long-winded. If anyone is still reading this..know that You are all in my thoughts.
I was bullied relentlessly from seventh grade through college and it has definitely left its scar on me. Was anybody else on this forum bullied as a child and if so, how has it effected your life as an adult?
Here are some things I deal with as a result of it.
-Very low self esteem
-Extreme difficulty forming close relationships with others
-Too many times I take jokes personally as insults when they are not
-Sexuality insecurity: I was called "gay boy" all through school. As a result I am very insecure of doing anything that might possibly make me look gay i.e. enjoying the arts or culture or trying to become close friends with another guy. Please don't turn this into a gay debate. Thanks!
-Afraid to be myself around others so I act however I think whatever group I am with would want me to act.
-Difficulty making decisions and being confident in those decisions
-Chronic depression and lonliness
Same here.....a lifetime of rejection and bullying from peers and family. Unwanted, unaccepted and unloved. It continues to this day.
I was bullied (mostly by guys) because of my looks. I spent my middle school years feeling I was ugly and undesirable and I indulged in online sexual activity to try and get guys to like me or say a few nice things to me. I had low self-esteem (obviously) and isolated myself a lot BUT I used the experience to discover who i was as an individual and so it worked out for the best in the end. Took a few years...but I got there.
I don't even think about middle school now anymore. Plus, I'm really attractive now (imo, my sweeties, and a few others ) and I realized a lot of the people who bullied me were jealous and had their own issues (I know because in retrospect their comments were jealous remarks). :/ So I'm over it.
Peace be on you.
What should be the role of parents/elders/loved ones in this situation?
Victim should be heard on first complaint, not denied, consoled and advised and given emotional strength.
Some people abuse others for their own mistakes/unfinished agenda plus other reasons as well. They work in group. They are habitually chasers and tailgaters, they end up as losers too. They earn bad reputation. Thus cruelty pays them back.
Emotional scares take their toll on bodies of victims too; extreme related ailments may surface up.
Victims should analyse why they are being targeted. Find better pious friends. Avoid the potential situations. Silently try to locate the master mind. Frustrate them. They are usually emotionally ill one with bad record with their own family, children and dear ones. They use someone and hide behind them. That is why it is necessary to 'Silently try to locate the master mind'. If possible, reach to superior most authority and tell them what is going on. It will puncture the perpetrators balloon in the middle of air.
God's earth is yours too. Walk on it with prayer, esteem and trust.
Last edited by PromisedPeace; 06-06-2013 at 01:48 AM..
I hope that this issue is retired permanately as it really affects our overall well being and our individual contribution to society. No kids or even adults should be the victim of bullying, so it takes those of cooler minds to keep the Bullies in check.
I was always a middle of the road kid, but I moved around a lot and therefore got bullied a few times at a new school or neighborhood. Nothing really came of it, but it left me little tollerance for those doing the bullying and my short temper got me into a few altercations. I recall getting into it with our neighborhood bully when I was about 11. He was a big kid who picked on everyone younger and smaller than him. I layed him out when he started taunting me and then started wailling away on him on the ground. His mom came runniing out of her house calling me the Bully Even at the time I recall thinking "Doesn't his mom know that he's the nighborhood bully?". He avoided me like the plague until high school.
Like SandyCo, I got the same advantages as she did but no disadvantages for me but, for the people I have to deal with. I am a terror, rough and tumble, tenacious, opinionated and outspoken. When I bounced back from the bullying and came out of my "shell", I guess, when I am good, I am very, very good but....................... Have lots of fun with it and am happy with my life.
I was. Middle School was the worst. I wouldn't go back in time if you gave me millions of dollars!
As a result I am shy, have had self esteem issues, trust issues, problems fitting in, paranoia that people are talking about me, trying too hard to make people like me which results in being taken advantage of.
Seems like most women my age have a clique of friends. I do not which makes me socially awkward at parties and social events. This makes me look like a b**** instead of just being shy and socially awkward.
^Similar to how I feel/felt, 6th grade things intensified and 7th-9th grades were the worst.
Got lucky, in that my family moved (from small town to urban area) & I had to go to new school for 10th grade, and was allowed to somewhat reinvent myself.
Was still one of the "weird" people, but there were a lot more other "weird" people there, too-things weren't great, but they were better enough.
I still have difficulty making friends, but that's due to other neurological "mental" problems, not the bullying per se.
Quote:
Originally Posted by violetnights
My heart goes out to everyone who still struggles with those scars of their bullied past. Sometimes others invalidate my feelings and are baffled as to why I am not over it..yes it was a long time ago, but I still remember how it felt, and in those moments it doesn't matter that I am an adult long removed from those situations, I feel that pain.
And it happened when we were internalizing those experiences into our self-concept..at the most vulnerable time in one's lifetime..it's like a handprinted hardened into cement.
I don't say this to make us sound hopeless. Just to validate that you are not alone and the pain is real. What helped me is to reparent myself and give myself the support I longed for back then. To tell myself that they are the ones to be pitied, how can they treat someone like that? Their standards must be so low for themselves.
I tell myself that I am worthy of love and acceptance just as I am. And I was back then. I remind myself of the people that love me, the people that have gone out of their way for me and what they did, the compliments I've been told. Even when these things seem few and far between, it helps build resilience and a go-to arsenal to combat those feelings of inadequacy that have yielded from bullying.
Sorry to be so long-winded. If anyone is still reading this..know that You are all in my thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your kind thoughts^ with us.
I would venture that bullying (at any time of life) can cause PTSD in a person,
and I don't say that for dramatic effect, but to recognize the impression
that social rejection/taunting/betrayal can have on the brain's functioning & future behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun
I hope that this issue is retired permanately as it really affects our overall well being and our individual contribution to society. No kids or even adults should be the victim of bullying, so it takes those of cooler minds to keep the Bullies in check.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02
I was bullied relentlessly from seventh grade through college and it has definitely left its scar on me. Was anybody else on this forum bullied as a child and if so, how has it effected your life as an adult?
Here are some things I deal with as a result of it.
-Very low self esteem
-Extreme difficulty forming close relationships with others
-Too many times I take jokes personally as insults when they are not
-Sexuality insecurity: I was called "gay boy" all through school. As a result I am very insecure of doing anything that might possibly make me look gay i.e. enjoying the arts or culture or trying to become close friends with another guy. Please don't turn this into a gay debate. Thanks!
-Afraid to be myself around others so I act however I think whatever group I am with would want me to act.
-Difficulty making decisions and being confident in those decisions
-Chronic depression and lonliness
I would say my experience mirrored yours. Except my "problem" wasn't being gay, it was being in special ed through middle school. A lot of the time, I was physically beaten so I lived in fear a lot. Add to this an unstable home life at times and you have a nightmare existence.
Some things I would add in my case:
- EXTREMELY distrustful of others
- EXTREMELY defensive
- Very retarded growth when it comes to romantic relationships with the opposite sex
- Lack of confidence; this is at the worst on my job in customer service banking at times
Those bullies definitely scarred me, the only thing I can do is to not make it for life.
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) and I realized a lot of the people who bullied me were jealous and had their own issues (I know because in retrospect their comments were jealous remarks). :/ So I'm over it.
Even at the time I recall thinking "Doesn't his mom know that he's the nighborhood bully?". He avoided me like the plague until high school.
