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I have known many people throughout my life who are COMPLETELY different when dealing with strangers or "friends" than when dealing with partners/kids/family. The disparity can be very shocking. Most of the time when I have seen it, the "Two Face" is extremely pleasant and acquiescent to strangers and can be a real ass to those who they profess to love, especially their own flesh and blood. I suppose that the opposite could certainly be true as well; I just haven't experienced it.
So what are some of the reasons behind this dichotomy, psychologically speaking? And what are some good strategies to use when you discover a Two Face in your midst?
Quite common with public figures like politicians, movie stars, CEO's making a public presentation, etc.
And they are "smart" to only say certain things, avoid controversial topics, and be "nice" in public. There are many who were not so wise and spoke their true feelings, then their careers were wrecked or they got into a lot of hot water.
Arizona once had a governor (Mecham) who canceled MLK day. Then proceeded to insult just about every other minority or special interest group known to man. The thing is you add up all those minorities and they make a majority! This guy is a lesson in what not to say in public!
Then a few movie stars from time to time will voice their political opinions. The thing is half the people in America are usually opposed to any particular political view. So they tick off half the people right there! (Not good for their career.)
Anita Bryant is another who wrecked her own career while she was representing Florida citrus interests. The thing is EVERYBODY buys orange juice. Those folks selling things don't want to tick off any particular group, else their sales decline - or in this case I think there was a boycott of Orange Juice. (Career wrecked!)
I am very nice and obedient at work and a wild beast at home.
Being nice and swallowing my real opinion at the workplace costs me so much effort, that I sometimes came home and yelled at me exes to release stress. I am in a GREAT mood all day at work and when I come home, the real mood comes out. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.
Family/work events are EXHAUSTING for me.
I have gotten much better though. My partners know that I need half an hour after work to calm down and find myself. I either take a nap or take the doggy for a walk.
We are all multi-faceted and in different situations bring forth different parts of our personalities. For example, I might appear very patient teaching a small child something new but I can appear very irritable waiting in a very long line at a supermarket. Does that make me two-faced to someone who has observed me in both situations?
I think I was referring more to a severe change in personality, not a daily life annoyance sort of change, or a celebrity spokesperson cautiousness.
I know someone who is adored by all of their coworkers -- they buy him gifts, seem to truly enjoy him, say how funny he is, etc. But he is an absolute narcisstic ass to his family. He tells his teenage sons that they are weak sissies who will never get a girl, tells his wife that she is old and fat (she is most assuredly neither), treats his siblings like something he wiped off of his shoe. He refuses to participate in any of his kids school activities unless he is likely to see someone from another part of his life like work or the club he belongs to. He has a definite persona that he can invoke to deal with "outsiders" who seem to be more important to him than his loved ones.
I have also seen this behavior in some of my family members. Its always sort of stunning for me to realize the scope of the change.
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I don't like/trust people who treat some people like trash but others like they're precious, it just seems phoney. It almost seems acceptable to totally love your family but treat society poorly, as if being a good 'family person' makes you morally upright.
He tells his teenage sons that they are weak sissies who will never get a girl, tells his wife that she is old and fat (she is most assuredly neither), treats his siblings like something he wiped off of his shoe. He refuses to participate in any of his kids school activities unless he is likely to see someone from another part of his life like work or the club he belongs to. He has a definite persona that he can invoke to deal with "outsiders" who seem to be more important to him than his loved ones.
Well, many outsiders would accept being called "weak sissies" or "old and fat" or accept being treated "like something he wiped off of his shoe"? That's the difference.
What's astonishing me is this siblings and his wife would accept/enable that behavior !
I've noticed that some people in this world will only treat courteously those who won't allow themselves to be like a piece of ****. They need to respect someone (or know that being rude will not get them something they want) before they behave decently.
I'm confused by your use of the phrase "loved ones." How can there be real love without respect? Heck even an ordinary friendship requires mutual respect.
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